A last email for closure

[MaNg0s]

Well I have not contacted my ex for about 2 months and I thought I would email her wishing her Merry Christmas. I sent her 2 in fact she changed her email address about 3 months ago so I sent them to that account.

 

The first one :

 

Hey Just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas.. I wanted to apologize for the way we stopped our contact with me yelling at your dad lol. Just like me to make a bad situation even worse lol. This is not one of those emails begging for you back but the feelings I have for you have not changed but I will not tell you that I love you because I know its something which you do not want to hear from me. I was not going to contact you but I couldn't help but think I should be there with you this Christmas like we planned just laying in ur bed cuddling watching Christmas movies lol but as I have started to learn that things change people change and times have changed. Well just do me one favour it is not a big one if you do not want to reply to this email then don't. I don't think I could handle being shot down from you again. If it is something negative please just dont send me a reply. If you have found someone else then please do not email me back.

 

Well I hope you had a nice Christmas Chelsea.

 

P.S. I love your email address lol I miss Babalooey for some reason I dont know why

 

 

 

Rajiv xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

That was the first one and btw babalooey was the name of her teddy bear lol.

 

The second one this one was just for closure:

 

Just one more thing I will not contact you if you do not contact me. I understand you want to move on. If you do not email me then good luck in life and even though things ended rather badly between us I want you to know that I still care about you alot Chels. Well take care and I thought you might be curios to how how I look like now lol I have been working out every other day and have moved up to 65 lbs weights but I still dont have those killer abs lol. I know you will be successful in your future and be one hell of a shrink. Everytime you told me your goals for the future you had this passion in your voice I know you will do great. Well take care and you might not no this but I love you and I always will.

 

Rajiv xxxx do not worry I will not contact you again I know you want to move on so please do not worry about that .

 

P.S. There is a pic of me attached accept.

 

 

That was the second one it felt great I finally felt like I had some real closure I am not angry at her I nothing her lol. I still love her and care about her but I have no negative feelings towards her anymore. It feels great.

[-BK-]

I'm not sure what to say here. You obviously still have feelings for this woman, so contacting her may not have been a good idea. Writing those feelings down, but never sending them, can be just as therapeutic. I really hope that you meant what you said about her not contacting you -- there is a good chance that will be the case. If you are prepared for that, no harm.

[MaNg0s]

Yeah I am not going to contact her anyway I removed this email address from my sent list and from my contact address so I know I am not going to contact her.

[-BK-]

That's probably the best for you at this point. You really need to focus on healing, which means getting on with YOUR life. You don't need to fall in love again right now, just enjoy what you have to offer yourself. When you are happy with that, someone will come along... trust me.

[jettison]

I am going to give you the reasons why this wasn't a great email if your intention was reconciliation. If it was really a "closure" email, it wouldn't have sounded like this though. In any case, here goes...

 

Well I have not contacted my ex for about 2 months and I thought I would email her wishing her Merry Christmas. I sent her 2 in fact she changed her email address about 3 months ago so I sent them to that account.

 

No matter what, if you haven't talked in a long time, and then you suddenly talk when you are "suppose" to talk (holidays, birthdays, etc.) then the other person is always going to be left thinking that you were either "just being polite", or else you had been waiting to contact this whole time, was playing a game by not contacting, and now are contacting under the guise of exchanging holiday plesentries when all you really want to do is know what she's up to and where her head is.

 

 

 

 

Hey Just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas.. I wanted to apologize for the way we stopped our contact with me yelling at your dad lol. Just like me to make a bad situation even worse lol. This is not one of those emails begging for you back but the feelings I have for you have not changed but I will not tell you that I love you because I know its something which you do not want to hear from me.

 

This part is a big, big mistake. You tell her that you won't tell her that you love her because that's not what she wants to hear, but that's exactly what you just said here. You just said "I love you", but you phrased it in such a way that you didn't openly say it. This is even worse then saying to outright. At least if you said it outright then you are owning up to your feelings, who you are, and where your head is. In this way, you're just reacting to what she wants rather then acting on what you want. This is going to come off as wishy-washy and perhaps even a little bit manipulative. If you feel something, then just say it, don't apologize for it, and let the words stand for themself.

 

I was not going to contact you but I couldn't help but think I should be there with you this Christmas like we planned just laying in ur bed cuddling watching Christmas movies lol but as I have started to learn that things change people change and times have changed.

 

Reminding ex's of past "loving times" is never a good idea. That simply HAS to come from the ex that dumped. It can never come from the dumpee, ever. It will likely make her cringe. She is not going to think "oh yea, that was so much fun when we cuddled together." She is going to think "why the hell is he bringing this up? Of course I know that's what we did. Did he think I forgot? I made it pretty clear that I no longer wanted to do that though." Unfortunately, that's what she'll think.

 

 

Well just do me one favour it is not a big one if you do not want to reply to this email then don't.

 

Never say that it's ok if they don't reply. Of course they have free will, and they can decide whether to reply or not, and how to reply if they do at all. Again, I'm just giving you what she's likely to think when reading that. You think it's coming accross as being easy going and care free, but the words themselves are lies. Of course you want her to reply, and of course you'd be hurt if she didn't. She's not stupid. She knows that. No guy sends an "I love you" email and then really thinks it's ok if there's no reply. Give her more credit then that.

 

I don't think I could handle being shot down from you again. If it is something negative please just dont send me a reply. If you have found someone else then please do not email me back.

 

You just gave her a TON of power that she doesn't want from you. If you throw yourself at someone's feet, know that it's to be walked on. That's human nature. It doesn't even make her a bad person. Quite giving her control like this. Sure, it's honest to a point, but you're giving her the wrong kind of honesty. Sorry to be so blunt, but we all take a dump in the morning, and that's the "honest" truth. However, it doesn't mean you have to share. Some things are better left unsaid, and how hurt you'll be if she doesn't like you or want to screw you is the least sexy approach possible. This won't ever "get the girl".

 

 

The second one this one was just for closure:

 

Just one more thing I will not contact you if you do not contact me. I understand you want to move on.

 

You tell her that you understand that she wants to move on, and yet you contact. Huh? If you really understood that to be true then you wouldn't contact. In fact, that is not your understanding. You must have an understanding that perhaps she would still want to hear from you. But again, you give her the power. You say that you will not contact her unless she initiates contact. Again, you're saying that your actions will first be determined by her actions. Screw that. You're your own man. Be a man and do what YOU want, not what you imagine she might want.

 

If you do not email me then good luck in life and even though things ended rather badly between us I want you to know that I still care about you alot Chels. Well take care and I thought you might be curios to how how I look like now lol I have been working out every other day and have moved up to 65 lbs weights but I still dont have those killer abs lol. I know you will be successful in your future and be one hell of a shrink. Everytime you told me your goals for the future you had this passion in your voice I know you will do great. Well take care and you might not no this but I love you and I always will.

 

The "I still care about you" thing is unnecessary. She already knows that or else you wouldn't have written her. Also, this is an obvious attempt to tell her that you are a lot hotter then you were when she dumped you. It is not going to lead her to think "Hmmmm, maybe he's really hot now and I'll be attracted to him again." It's going to make her think "Who cares? That wasn't the reason we broke up." Also, you're complimenting her on her future profession. She doesn't want compliments from you right now. It makes it sound like you're saying those things to be "sweet" so that she thinks "Ahhhhh, what a sweetheart to wish me luck." Being faux friendly isn't going to make her want to contact. The "I love you and I always will" think tells her "I will have no life without you. I am nothing without you. You are the one I love and no one else." Beating someone over the head with "I love you" just doesn't work. It means that the other person either has to respond in kind or else feel guilty about not saying it back. Things always have to be "even". If one person is going overboard then it never, ever works.

 

 

 

Rajiv xxxx do not worry I will not contact you again I know you want to move on so please do not worry about that .

 

You basically just said "I know you can't stand me, and I suck, so I won't talk to you." There is nothing less attractive then someone accepting someone else's low opinion of them. Even if someone isn't vibing on you, you can NEVER accept that. Never. Don't put up with it. You are basically laying down for her, and again, she'll have no choice but to walk on you. You are like a dog on it's back, prey, showing your exposed neck to the attacker. Don't do that. Women don't like that.

 

P.S. There is a pic of me attached accept.

 

This is, again, going to come off like you're trying to wow her with the new you. It won't work, no matter how much you've changed. It's not your looks that are the problem to begin with. It's something completely different and more substantial.

 

 

That was the second one it felt great I finally felt like I had some real closure I am not angry at her I nothing her lol. I still love her and care about her but I have no negative feelings towards her anymore. It feels great.

 

It's hard to believe this. I think you are angry. Very angry. If you are sad, then you are also angry because sadness is merely unactualized anger. And, of course you will be angry. You were rejected. Anyone who gets rejected by someone they love will likely have some anger involved. That's ok. There is nothing wrong with that, and in fact, it's healthy. I know I was pretty direct in my critique of these letters. I just want to make you that you know what you're writing and feeling in your head vs. how she is reading it and taking your words. I doubt that the two are matching very well.

[thinkstoohard]

Wow Jettison. Quite the post. I don't even want to know how you would critique my letter!

 

I do believe in your opinion of this letter, though. I think you are head on. Sorry Mangos...

[pryda]

Yeah, this thread is a pretty good example of what NOT to say to the ex...

 

I wouldn't hold out hope for a reconciliation but hey, if it's got you some closure and that's what you were after then I guess you've been successful.

[Me and myself]

Hi Magos

 

I don't want to analyse your letter, I really don't. What matters is what you feel now. If you feel ok, under these circunstances, then the letter accomplished its purpose.

If it don't, then maybe you should have done things differently.

A few months ago (almost a year) I've sent my closure letter, just like you. Today I would have said only "I love you but you don't want me in your life so, please, contact me again only if you change your mind."

That's all there is to say, nothing more.

 

P.S. - In my case, the ex answered a few minutes later. She just said she cared for me but, again, we could never work as a couple.

[MaNg0s]

Ty for your replies guys esp you jettison. But the point of this was not for reconciliation. I have trouble saying my feelings and this for me just let it all out.

 

In case you are thinking then why not write it to yourself what is the point of that the whole reason for this was to tell her how I feel so I can finnally let go of her and stop wishing that I would just have the guts to tell her how I feel so I can move on. Again I love her and this email was not for her to think ahh how sweet maybe he has changed let me put my hands down my pink pants and jerk off to his pic because my god he has changed. This was not the CASE at all.

 

It was only for me to finally let go of all the feelings I have had buried down in me so I can finally look for someone else. One thing you are right about though I am angry at her I am soo mad at her for making me promise to be with her for her and then leaving me. Love sucks but the only way to prove you love each other is to be there even when times are bad which is what she did not do.

 

Yes we were in worse situations even when her parents did forbid her to talk to me for 4 MONTHS. We still made it through that or the time when I was soo depressed that all I would do is stare at my desk.

 

The worse thing is that I would push here away as I am soo narcissistic that I did not believe I deserved her so I would push her away. Now that it has happened I cannot believe what a moron I was.

[MaNg0s]

I know her very well she will not reply