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Do I have a right to be angry???

FreedomRing

By FreedomRing
in Dating Advice

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FreedomRing Enthusiast

FreedomRing

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Alrighty, been dating a guy for about 3months..he's kinda head over heels, and I'm more like... "don't know where this is heading, but i'm just going with the flow" funny thing is...over the last month or so I've kinda found myself getting somewhat attached to him. We have no title(with my insistence) but it's pretty obvious that we're not really seeing anyone else.

 

He has a child that lives accross the country with her mother, and for Xmas, he flew there to spend the holiday with her. This is my first time ever dating a man with a child, something I swore I would never do in the past, but decided I should give it a try before righting the experience off.

 

Because I wanted him to have quality time with his daughter, I have not called him, but I have answered when he has called me, and we've had contact via text since he's been gone(he comes back tomorrow, he's been gone a week).

 

Anyway, yesterday, I never received a phone call from him. Just a text, very early in the morning, saying "Merry Xmas, to you and your family". HUH? I dunno, something about that really irked me. I mean if the roles were reversed, I would have managed to at least get in a 5 min phone call to relay that wish, IF I was sooo in to the new woman I was currently dating.....or am I overreacting?? I must admit, I could very well be looking for reasons to get angry, as I don't know what I want to do with him or this situaton at this point....

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FreedomRing Enthusiast

FreedomRing

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I would expect the call too.

And i would expect him not to spend time with both of them on Christmas.

For me the right thing would be if they switched for holidays.

For example he can have the kid on winter and she on summer brake or something like that.

 

Well the child is only 4yrs old, so perhaps if she were a tad bit older, I would def agree with switching of the holidays, but if I were to put myself in the mother's shoes, I would kinda want the father to come to us as well. He's staying in a hotel out there, and the mother had let the daugther spend a few nights with him, so that they could have some alone time. From my understanding, this arrangement will be the last time though.....the ex and him, don't have the best communication or parenting relationship.

 

Still in all, I just think a measly text for Xmas was....just that...measly. He's been gone a week, and he's called me about 4x. He's text me several times, saying he's missing me, etc...wanting to set up new year's plans..I dunno....

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NewPhillyGuy Proficient

NewPhillyGuy

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Alrighty, been dating a guy for about 3months..he's kinda head over heels, and I'm more like... "don't know where this is heading, but i'm just going with the flow" funny thing is...over the last month or so I've kinda found myself getting somewhat attached to him. We have no title(with my insistence) but it's pretty obvious that we're not really seeing anyone else.

 

"He's been gone a week, and he's called me about 4x. He's text me several times, saying he's missing me, etc...wanting to set up new year's plans..

I must admit, I could very well be looking for reasons to get angry, as I don't know what I want to do with him or this situaton at this point....

I don't see why you even care based on this. Sounds like you do want more, or else you just want to control him. You insist on having no definition, but yet you have expectations. That's not fair, in my opinion. Have you told him anything? Can't expect him to read your mind. (I see nothing wrong with the text. It was nice. I think you got jealous of the other girl, honestly.) What do you expect the guy to do? Guess what you want? TELL HIM and get your act together before he goes and finds someone less wishy-washy. If it took a girl 3 months to decide what we were, I'd leave her and find someone else more mature and decisive.

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St00f Newbie

St00f

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I agree with NewPhillyGuy, if he knew how you felt I'm sure it would have been different. He obviously wants a relationship if he's head over heels, and because he has a kid doesn't mean you should hold it against him (I'm not sure if you are, i'm just saying) If anything it's a good trait that he goes accross country to visit her. I think you should let this one slide and tell him how you feel when he gets back

 

 

Hope this helps

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buckdawg Apprentice

buckdawg

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Philly and st00f are right. if you're unsure of the status of the relationship imagine how he feels? after 3 months i think it is a bit unfair to have expectations, especially when you haven't expressed what you really want from the relationship.

 

now that i've bashed you lol i will admit that it would hurt that i all got was a text. it honestly doesn't sound like a big deal, just chalk it up to both of you learning each others boundaries.

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FreedomRing Enthusiast

FreedomRing

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OUCH NPG!!!! No biggie though...If i can dish it I can take it too, right? I actually agree with your assessment. I'm NOT being fair, with being so wishy washy yet having expectations...and I do have a hard time with jealousy at times, so your kinda right there too). Truth is, I find myself being overly-critical because I'm about 8 months out of a 2.5 yr relationship where my ex wanted it to end. My trust is all over the place, and while this might be reason for me to stop dating for a while, I know that if I don't deal with it sooner or later, it will just sit and fester for the next guy that comes along, so I choose to deal with it now.

 

But again, you're right...I was supposed to be using this time apart to determine what my true feelings are for him at this point.....he just called me a little while ago, to tell me "he misses me so much, and he can't wait to see me"....I guess I'm just scared of trusting again, and being vulnerable to another man. There are a few issues that worry me, because he is unlike any other man I've dated with the child, and him being in the military....I've always had dead set notions to stay clear away from guys with these traits....based solely on preconcieved ideas of what a relationship would be like.

 

Recently, I've decided to be more open-minded, and keep in mind, that there is no guy that will fit this cookie-cutter image I have in mind...my ex did(so i thought) and look where that ended up...

 

Thanks for wake up call....I needed it ](*,)

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NewPhillyGuy Proficient

NewPhillyGuy

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Sabreen81, I didn't want to offend you, but I did want to get you thinking! I know how it feels to have been hurt badly and then trying to trust again after that. Glad you didn't take it the wrong way. You sound like a great girl from your response. You'll be fine. Just talk to him and be genuine with him. Best of luck to you.

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FreedomRing Enthusiast

FreedomRing

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Buck, NPG, st00f, thanks again for the responses. I can be hot-headed at times, and can easily overreact, when I'm confused with situations I'm in...so thanks for bringing my emotions back in check...thats why I lean on ENA fam, because the insight is so valuable.

 

I know my flaws, but sometimes they still get the best of me! He is trying really hard thats for sure, and honestly, I tried so hard to minimize my feelings for him in the beginning, that this time apart and my missing him is just a complete shock for me. I put up some ft.knox walls around me, determined not to let anyone in again...and lo and behold, he's made it through...guess I'm just a little scared, anxious and nervous...but I'm willing to see where this leads me and allow room for my feelings to grow..

 

Thanks again guys!

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