Give gift -- or not?

[Celadon]

OK, I think I know what y'all are going to advise me, but I just wanted to hear it anyway, because I've lost perspective.

 

So I've got two housemates. One's a friend. The other keeps to herself and, quite honestly, is generally moody and unfriendly. Meaning, she won't voluntarily have a conversation with me unless the other one is present.

 

Last Christmas, I had just moved in, and the friendly roommate gave us both small gifts. I reciprocated, and at the last minute, the unfriendly roommate did too.

 

Before Christmas this year, I bought them both some small bath supplies, but I hadn't had time to give it to them yet. Well, obviously, Christmas is now over, and I still want to give a gift to my friendly housemate.

 

My dilemma is whether to give anything to the other housemate. Should I do it just to be "fair" and friendly? (BTW, neither of them have given me a gift this year.) I think several things could happen:

 

1. The unfriendly roommate could give me the gift back.

2. The unfriendly roommate would accept the gift but then feel guilty and have to buy me something, which I don't want.

3. The gift could break the ice with her, though I strongly doubt that.

 

BTW, I would have to be super discreet about giving a gift ONLY to the friendly housemate, because I don't want her thanking me in front of the other one.

 

The final alternative is that I could not give any gifts, since they haven't given any gifts. I could still give a card, or I could give nothing. What would you do?

[lilypadgirl]

Hmm, since you already have them then I say in the spirit of the holidays, why not give it to them. Chances are the unfriendly roommate will get you a gift back. But even if it doesn't break the ice, it doesn't hurt either. But don't just give to one roommate. Even if you're discreet, these things have a way of coming out.

 

BTW, why is the unfriendly one unfriendly? Maybe she's just shy? Is she like that with the other roommate?

[Celadon]

Thanks, lilypadgirl. I'm glad you reminded me of the spirit of the season. That's kinda what I thought someone would advise.

 

The unfriendly one ... it's kind of a mystery to me. She's just a person who is very picky about who she befriends. She apparently caused the last roommate (the one I replaced) a lot of grief because the last roommate tried over and over to befriend her. So when I moved in, the unfriendly roommate actually TOLD me that I shouldn't be upset if she doesn't talk to me because she likes her privacy.

 

She's actually completely friendly with our other roommate though, which is why I say she's just picky about who she's friends with. Part of me resents her behavior (would it kill her to say "Hello!" when she walks in the door?), but then I just figure, I'm a more sensitive and caring person than she is. So I can't let that kind of thing get to me.

[lilypadgirl]

Wow! Haha, now I see why you put the number 1 up there. I was here thinking what kind of person would give back a gift?

 

But still, no harm in giving the gifts to them! At the very least you'll be happy that you stayed nice and thoughtful and not let her change that.

 

Happy holidays!

[Celadon]

You're right, lilypadgirl. Happy holidays to you too!