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Give gift -- or not?


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OK, I think I know what y'all are going to advise me, but I just wanted to hear it anyway, because I've lost perspective.


So I've got two housemates. One's a friend. The other keeps to herself and, quite honestly, is generally moody and unfriendly. Meaning, she won't voluntarily have a conversation with me unless the other one is present.


Last Christmas, I had just moved in, and the friendly roommate gave us both small gifts. I reciprocated, and at the last minute, the unfriendly roommate did too.


Before Christmas this year, I bought them both some small bath supplies, but I hadn't had time to give it to them yet. Well, obviously, Christmas is now over, and I still want to give a gift to my friendly housemate.


My dilemma is whether to give anything to the other housemate. Should I do it just to be "fair" and friendly? (BTW, neither of them have given me a gift this year.) I think several things could happen:


1. The unfriendly roommate could give me the gift back.

2. The unfriendly roommate would accept the gift but then feel guilty and have to buy me something, which I don't want.

3. The gift could break the ice with her, though I strongly doubt that.


BTW, I would have to be super discreet about giving a gift ONLY to the friendly housemate, because I don't want her thanking me in front of the other one.


The final alternative is that I could not give any gifts, since they haven't given any gifts. I could still give a card, or I could give nothing. What would you do?

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Hmm, since you already have them then I say in the spirit of the holidays, why not give it to them. Chances are the unfriendly roommate will get you a gift back. But even if it doesn't break the ice, it doesn't hurt either. But don't just give to one roommate. Even if you're discreet, these things have a way of coming out.


BTW, why is the unfriendly one unfriendly? Maybe she's just shy? Is she like that with the other roommate?

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Thanks, lilypadgirl. I'm glad you reminded me of the spirit of the season. That's kinda what I thought someone would advise.


The unfriendly one ... it's kind of a mystery to me. She's just a person who is very picky about who she befriends. She apparently caused the last roommate (the one I replaced) a lot of grief because the last roommate tried over and over to befriend her. So when I moved in, the unfriendly roommate actually TOLD me that I shouldn't be upset if she doesn't talk to me because she likes her privacy.


She's actually completely friendly with our other roommate though, which is why I say she's just picky about who she's friends with. Part of me resents her behavior (would it kill her to say "Hello!" when she walks in the door?), but then I just figure, I'm a more sensitive and caring person than she is. So I can't let that kind of thing get to me.

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