After all this time

[KileOriginal]

Background

Had a really loving long term relationship of about 3 years that was heading towards marriage.

Relationship ended over 2 years ago for reasons that are still unclear to me. Seems that she was not really ready for the whole settling down thing.

Had a brief get back together in the summer of 2006 which ended pretty adruptly followed by her finding someone new.

After that I had a brief relationship with an old friend that ended because we simply were living totally different lives.

 

Now

I'm out of college, have a job and seem to be doing pretty well and building a career for myself. Single and find it harder to meet people outside of school, but have friends and building new relationships at work.

Been keeping myself in good physical shape. Still financially recovering from the period of unemployment immediately after graduation but doing alot better now that I'm employed. Struggling with keeping myself from becoming cynical.

 

Problem

After all this time I still miss her. Not sure if I feel hate towards her or just hurt.

I miss more than just the physical intimacy. I miss having some one around that really knows me and I can share my time with. I miss her personality and so much more.

It sounds stupid, but I really feel like I'm never going to love anyone again.

I tell myself this is time of hard work and focus where I am becoming stronger and tougher, but I worry that the good and gentle things in me are going away.

What's going to become of me?

[orchidrose]

Whatever you want to become of you! Obviously you loved this girl very much. But I noticed something in your post..

 

I miss more than just the physical intimacy. I miss having some one around that really knows me and I can share my time with.

 

The first things you said in regards to missing her weren't about her - they were about intimacy, and missing being in a relationship, which is something that is very easy to miss. I think after two years of being apart from her you are confusing a lot of these yearning feelings; it feels like you miss her, but you most likely miss being in a relationship more.

 

It sounds like you're doing a lot of positive things with your life. I firmly believe that love finds you when you're not looking for it, and the more things that fall into place in your life (job, friendships, family life), the more likely that love will find you.