help me get rid of a pest!

[luv4rok]

My boyfriend's roommate works loong hours at night but the roommate's girlfriend still comes over at night to be included in our plans. She's really cool when either my boyfriend or her boyfriend is around but she is really cruel when I'm alone with her. She's so fake and I really don't like being around her, but I can't tell this to my boyfriend because he sees a side of her that is perfect, a side where both of them have so much in common, like loving the same brand of chips, loving the same shows, politics, so they can talk for hours. She just started working in a bookstore and because my bf loves to read, she's been hooking him up with books, so they're getting closer.

 

They became really close which makes it harder for me to tell him that I don't like being around her. My bf and I do have our alone time, but when she gets out of work and hangs out the apt, he feels sorry for her and asks me if we should invite her on our nights out. She even told my boyfriend to include her on whatever we're doing on the night of New Years Eve (her bf might work that night). What can I do? I was planning on going away from the city but both of us are cheap so it has to be either a house party (which she's gonna be invited to) or a local bar (they've been drunk before together so she's definitely going to be a 'joy' around). I can't tell him that she's two-faced and I don't like being around her because that will make me look jealous and because they're friends. I have tried to get along with her to see if it's maybe me being paranoid, but she's done so many things to reassure that I'm not making this up.

[Dako]

If you can't tell your BF the truth and join forces to resolve this, you're putting yourself at the mercy of this woman.

You seem fearful of your BF's reaction, almost as if you feel his friendship with her is his prioity. Better to find out now.

[Gath]

You need to tell him the truth. Try and start small, but if he cares about you he'll be more likely to believe you rather than her. It might be difficult for him at first, so try and start with some small things and work up to being entirely truthful about the things she does to you.

[Hope75]

Dako brings up a good point- do you think he will side with her over you?

 

She may get him a deal on books, but you are his girlfriend.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

hmmm... any chance she's after your boyfriend?? her behavior is very weird, to be so fakey and so intent on hanging out with you guys.

 

wouldn't it be nice to get a little video of her being her 'real' self without her knowing (i.e., in the apt. while you two are alone)?

 

regardless, you shouldn't have to be the three muskateers just because she wants to... you do need to be able to be honest with your boyfriend too, and tell him the third wheel thing is getting old, and that she is NOT nice to you when the boys aren't around.

 

if he doesn't believe you and honor this, then you have a bigger problem, that your relationship is not as tight as you think it is, or she is trying to help herself to YOUR boyfriend behind the scenes.

[girl friend]

Cant you just confront her alone about her behaviour first? Ask her what her problem is? She sounds very insecure. Perhaps its not just you, perhaps she simply finds it easier to interact with men. If shes acting out of insecurity then a little kindness on your part will seriously disarm her. Why dont you (even if it is acting at first) invite her to something you guys had planned that she didnt know about, and be v enthusiastic about her coming. Why don't you text her and ask her how she's doing and be all matey. give her compliments. Just try it for awhile, and watch her behaviour. If she's truly insecure and not meaning to be nasty, it will eventually disarm her and win her over and she may prove to be a true friend. If shes genuinely nasty she'll continue to refute your efforts in a horrid way, and then you'll have the evidence to show your bf.

[ghost69]

only go over there when your bf IS actually there.

[Portage]

If you can't tell your BF the truth and join forces to resolve this, you're putting yourself at the mercy of this woman.

You seem fearful of your BF's reaction, almost as if you feel his friendship with her is his prioity. Better to find out now.

 

Dako is bang on.