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I still don't think I've forgiven myself yet. I walked out on her 6 months ago. Dealing with 2 diseases at the same time became more than I could handle and I pushed her away. Stupidest thing I've ever done. I can't let her go even though I know it is what I have to do. I just don't know how to detach myself from all of it. She met someone about 3 months ago and has moved on. I am happy for her. I want the same happiness for myself. Problem is, I still want to be with her. We haven't spoken in 2 weeks. I did send her a Christmas card but I'll be willing to bet 6 months pay I won't hear from her. I really don't want to hear from her because it would be too emotional for both of us.


Lord, please help me get through this day.

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I'm sorry buddy. What's important here is that you are getting better from your illnesses, which I hope you are. Though I was the one to be dumped, I can relate to your anxiety. I thought it would be alright and my intentions were pure, but I left presents for my ex and her family on the doorstep. I rang the doorbell and ran to the car to drive away, but her mom saw me...oddly enough she was waving frantically and yelling for me to stop, but I kept driving down the hill...probably the most exhilarating and terrifying experience I've ever had. Needless to say, I'm now filled with thoughts like "I hope they don't think I'm a coward for not stopping to properly say hello", or "I wonder if they'll even like the presents", or "I wonder if she'll call me to say thank you or something", etc. Ah love...Happy Holidays!

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Hi Jackson,


Don't be too hard on yourself. Receiving a terminal diagnosis is something no one can understand unless they have been there, and you cannot predict ho you will react. I don't know what I would do in your shoes.


Hopefully she will respond to your card but if she does not don't beat yourself up.


Hope you have a good holiday and have somewhere to go.

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