this is a long one. We broke up. What do I do next?

[johnmmm]

Heres the story, without realising I was being jealous and sticking my nose into my now ex girlfriends business to much for her liking, at the time I didn’t know I was doing it, it was just one of those things that takes on a life of its own. This stated to grind on the relationship and after I went into her email account and discover she had been in contact with her ex boyfriend I confronted her (I rely don’t think there was any type of bad intention there on her part now I think about it) at this point she told me she couldn’t take it anymore and she wanted space. I tried to give her this space but she was still contacting me and I was still talking to her during this break up we were still on good terms but it was a bit of a front from me. Anyway after about 2 weeks or so we were texting and she said she wanted to get back and forget about everything and just start again so we did but in my mind there was still something there that I wanted to talk about. After we got back she was acting relay weird not talking a lot and just not being herself so I said to her that there was things I wanted to talk to her about, she just went off and said she didn’t think it was going to work so I said ok give it a chance and lets see wat happens and that I would talk to her the next day but after hanging up the phone and thinking about it I got a bit angry and phoned her back and just said to her I want a answer now because im sick and tired feeling like im being messed about. She was also a bit angry and at the end said yes its over so I said then thats it just lev me alone and let me get on with my life. To be honest I didn’t rely mean this I just wanted answers. So after this phone call I cut of all contact with her but after maybe 5 6 days she sent me a very random email telling me to stop going out and sleeping with other people I mail back “I don’t know what makes u think that and that I didn’t understand because it was her decision” which she replayed “that she was tired at the time and she just didn’t want to deal with it and that thinking of me with anyone else made her sick” from that point I just tried to keep the no contact thing going to see it I could get some answers about us. She continued to email. she texted one day and asked if I was ok I was trying to keep cool and just said yes im fine, which she replayed good because I still care about you. I still kept the no contact going until one night she had left a message on my msn while I was out calling me a “ * * * * head” (I know its silly). I had no idea what this was about so I phoned and ask what it was about and she said that I had been blanking her. I told her that I was just trying to get on with my life. She got angry so I hung the phone up. The next day I called her and asked her again why she got upset she said that thing just got to her and she cracked up and then apologised for calling me names. I just said no problem its ok I forgive you. I went back to no contact but was finding it extremely hard at this point because I was getting mixed signals and wanted to know what was going on so I phoned her and asked if she was ok she said that she was kind of ok but she couldn’t talk at the time because she was out I said ok was just checking she then ask me if I wanted to say anything. I was trying to stay cool so I said do you want to say anything she said she didn’t know and that she would talk to me the next day. Im still doing not contact and trying to make her think im cool with it at this stage so I don’t contact her and wait for her to contact me which she dos not do. The day we where supposed to talk passed and the following day I sent her an email (still trying to come accross cool) saying that I was working and that I went out after work and didn’t have a chance to contact her. that was yesterday and she still has not replied. Its killing me to not contact her but I feel it’s the only way I will get answers. Any other time I am the one that will try and fix any problems we have and I feel it is just to easy for her sometimes and that this time she should be the one that opens up and tries to fix it. if that’s what she wants. At this time Im worried because I don’t know what is going on. Is she just playing the same game im playing and keeping cool? It’s a rely complicated time at the minute because I don’t know what way to go. I opened up contact with her but she is now changed and is not contacting me. Sorry this is so long and I thank you for taking the time to read it and rely would be grateful for options on how to deal with this. My brain is telling me to keep cool and wait but me heart is telling me 2 call and find out what is going on. By the way we had been going out for three years so it isn’t a short term thing and I know that this is a bit of a game but sometimes people have to do things like this to get answers.

[wiser]

She seems to only want you when you don't pay any attention to her. So stop chasing her. That means dont call her at all.

 

Give it some time. At least a few weeks. Let things cool a bit. Let her miss you more. It's going to take patience on your part, and it won't be easy but all this back and forth is nuts.

 

And forget about "getting answers". With all this breaking up, she can do whatever she wants with another guy. If she comes back and she wants to talk about it some day then fine. Otherwise, just drop it. Its really none of your business.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

This whole thing sounds very dysfunctional. She sounds very wishy washy...wants you back, doesn't want you back and blowing hot and cold. Stick to no contact...not because it is a game, but because you don't need to be treated like this...if she can't treat you with respect, why bother with someone like that. Let her grow up and figure out what she wants. If you are always the one trying to patch things up, then she is taking you for granted and playing a game of "chicken" with you. Don't buy into that. Walk away and let her find someone else to play silly games with. If she grows up and wants to be with you for real, she will put her stupid games aside and make an honest effort to call...minus all the drama.

[Tethys]

Can you break this up into paragraphs? I have a hard time reading big blocks of text on a computer screen. Plus, you'll get more replies that way.

 

Thanks!

[Supa_gurl]

It's true sometimes you do have to play the "cool" game to get the answers you deserve. To me, it sounds as if she is conflicted. She cares and or loves you very much, but there is something deeper within her asking her "what if??". I don't know your age, but it sounds as if you may be young 20's maybe?? Give her the time and space. Keep in mind "if you love something set it free, if it comes back to you, it is yours, if it does not, it was never meant to be." Good luck.

[buckdawg]

your brain is right in this instance. you need to start moving on under the assumption that you two are not getting back together. she is obviously confused and the two of you can't work things out until she gets things straightened out.

[Jeffrey2095]

Hi johnmmm, and welcome to ENA,

 

Yes, there are a lot of mixed signals going on here.

 

Somehow I get the impression that she is insecure...

 

You have kept NC, and she calls, but then says something off the wall.

 

Personally, I would try and find another girl that you didn't have to guess with and wonder about so much.

 

I'm not saying this might not eventually work, (when she makes up her mind I guess) but I wouldn't wait around or count on it.

 

Good luck and best wishes in this.

 

Jeff

[BeStrongBeHappy]

So what is your goal here? do you want to break up, get back together?

 

because it seems like a lot of drama and games and not focusing on what either of you want, but bickering and nit picking.

 

and will getting back together solve your problems? i think you really need to either ACTIVELY get together with her and talk about what it is you really want, and whether getting back together is even a good thing.

 

if this kind of drama is your 'normal' interactions with her, then it doesn't sound like a very good situation, and you are better off moving on to someone who you can TALK to rather than play games with.

[DN]

Moderator Note

 

johnmmm,

 

I merged your three threads as they are duplicates and that is not allowed on this forum. If you feel you have not received enough replies to a thread for some reason please contact a moderator for assistance.