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how often to see each other


Yates33

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How often do you guys see someone you just started dating (less than 3 dates thus far), once a week, several times a week? How often do you call and keep in touch in between?

 

I just got off the phone with this girl who I am seeing (2 dates so far, the third one coming up on thurs) she mentioned how she had off tomorrow and wed....I feel like I should have asked her out for then instead, or then as well as I felt she was hinting at it.

 

Then I feel I said some pretty stupid things on the phone...lol...jesus...do you guys analyze everything you do in the beginning hoping you dont mess anything up?

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I think in the beginning we tend to over analyze everything. Just go with the flow and see what happens. Over time you'll begin to learn each other and it'll be easier. I think if you're not sure you can always ask and see if she wants to hang out together before Thursday. Her response will go a long way towards telling you what her dating frequency preferences are.

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I tend to limit it to 1-2 dates a week for the first few weeks, though we may exchange a call or an email a few times during the week.

 

I think it is a little early for her to expect you to see her on Christmas and Boxing Day - typically those are for family and people you have been seeing longer and have a relationship with - 2 or 3 days is NOT a relationship and it is way too early to expect to see one another at Christmas in my opinion.

 

Try not to overanalyze things - it should be casual and just a process of learning about one another. When you stress too much, you tend to rush things or ignore things you shouldn't.....just have fun and find out if she is really someone you want a relationship with or not, and vice versa.

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How often do you guys see someone you just started dating (less than 3 dates thus far), once a week, several times a week? How often do you call and keep in touch in between?

 

I just got off the phone with this girl who I am seeing (2 dates so far, the third one coming up on thurs) she mentioned how she had off tomorrow and wed....I feel like I should have asked her out for then instead, or then as well as I felt she was hinting at it.

 

Then I feel I said some pretty stupid things on the phone...lol...jesus...do you guys analyze everything you do in the beginning hoping you dont mess anything up?

 

I've been down this road before too, and I tend to overanalyze just like you do. The best thing you can do for yourself right now is RELAX. If you are just starting out, one or two dates a week is fine. You'll be able to get a feel for her comfort level in time.

 

Dude, I don't know the tone of the conversation, but I might have taken what she said as a hint also. If you're free, there's no harm in calling her up and putting something on the table. If she says she's busy, well, then you know she was just making conversation. No big deal. In that case, you'll know for next time. I think she was prob dropping a hint though.

 

The only thing I would recommend NOT doing early on is talking alot on phone and IM. This is because people are nervous early on, and might say something stupid. there!) Anyway, save the conversation for when you are out on a date with her. Keep IMing and texting, all that stuff, to a bare minimum. Use the phone to make dates only. After about 5-10 min, you're done.

 

I'm in the same boat as you right now, and I go online alot. This girl is ALWAYS on IM. I don't message her, but if she messages me, I will say hi. Don't want her thinking I'm just sitting around waiting to talk to her.

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Don't you guys think, though, that these two dates are two far in between?

 

The last one was last tuesday adn the next one is this upcoming thursday, thats over a week...not too long? Even though it is falling into the "once a week" it's actually still over a week without seeing each other.....

 

I am thinking too much!

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You have to factor in there IS a holiday in there, it's pretty normal. Most people have family and the like to see over the holidays - normal. I certainly would not be upset over it, if she is that upset I wonder if she is maybe a bit too needy....if she is going to expect you to give up your family time to see someone you just met or if she is okay doing the same....

 

And, I still think once a week for first while is totally normal and allows you to take things at a reasonable pace.

 

 

You JUST met, 1-2 times a week is totally normal.

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You have to factor in there IS a holiday in there, it's pretty normal. Most people have family and the like to see over the holidays - normal. I certainly would not be upset over it, if she is that upset I wonder if she is maybe a bit too needy....if she is going to expect you to give up your family time to see someone you just met or if she is okay doing the same....

 

And, I still think once a week for first while is totally normal and allows you to take things at a reasonable pace.

 

 

You JUST met, 1-2 times a week is totally normal.

 

She's not complaining AT ALL. This is ME talking. I just think that during the first months, while each person should have enough space to get to know one another, seeing each other should be important because this is where you get to see if you want to pursue a relationship with them. I never believed in those who date for 4-6 months and still don't have a label...it's superficial and in some ways, pointless.

 

But I do see your point...I just dont want her thinking I am not interested, but I am overanalyzing things too much!

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You said you felt she was hinting - maybe she was, maybe not, but either way it is a holiday and it is too soon to expect to see one another.

 

I did not say you had to go months without determining exclusiveness, but that you need to be cautious about getting too caught up....I see some couples whom start like a fire and burn out at the first breeze because they did not take the time to let things develop, forgot their own space and felt trapped or did not realize whom the other person really "was" until they were too deep in...

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You said you felt she was hinting - maybe she was, maybe not, but either way it is a holiday and it is too soon to expect to see one another.

 

I did not say you had to go months without determining exclusiveness, but that you need to be cautious about getting too caught up....I see some couples whom start like a fire and burn out at the first breeze because they did not take the time to let things develop, forgot their own space and felt trapped or did not realize whom the other person really "was" until they were too deep in...

 

I agree and completely understand.

 

I guess my fear is that things may slow down too much to the point that, seeing each other isn't a want anymore, rather an "ok, whatever". This fear stems from my own realizatin that sometimes, when I dont speak or see a girl (more speak) I might be dating for more than a couple of days to a week, that fire starts do die down a little. But as soon as she's back in the picture with regular contact (phone for a few minutes every other day, texting etc and at least seeing each other once a week) that fire is still there.

 

I guess the best thing to do is like the other postes have said, just relax and continue seeing her once or twice (max) a week and see where it goes. I mean, in between she does text me alot and I call her every other day or every two days to say a quick hello and/or plan a date (even though this will only be the 2 or technically 3rd date)

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When I start dating a girl, I make sure to get on the case and stay on the case. No limit to how often I see or call her. Your level of interest doesn't sound like enough. Think about it from her point of view, if she sees that you are hesitating she will get the impression that you aren't all that interested in her. End result: you lose.

 

Now for the opposite, let's say that you call or see her a lot. You would assume that she would see you as clingy or needy--not the case. It's all in the way that you do it. If you are strong and act very masculine about it, she will enjoy your interest. She might test you to see if you are for real, but pass the tests and enjoy your new relationship.

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