I think she is gueninely crazy

[blindreepr]

I couldn't help it, I read her blog, again. I'm not so much sad this time, just confused. I think she really is crazy. All her friends told me that she was before we started going out, even she told me she was throughout our relationship. This is some of what she posted...

 

"Right now, I am just going through a lot. I am still not over everything with Derek. I am totally driving myself crazy and angry thinking about everything that happened with him. How I lost myself in him. How much I let him walk all over me. How I let him treat me. The way that I treated him. Everything was just so f*ed up, and the fact that he thought that we were doing better than his last relationship really scared me. We were awful together. Maybe not awful, but we were really screwed up as a couple and there is no denying it. In some ways Chris was a better boyfriend. I mean, he was boring and we didn't do nearly as many fun things, but at least he took care of me in the way that a girl should be taken care of."

 

Other than the fact that I hardly walked all over her at all or treated her bad whatsoever I have no clue what she is talking about. I was never verbally abusive to her, I was never physically abusive to her. She is the one who hit me in the fact 3 times without provocation! There were times that we would get into fights and she would first no talk at all for long periods of time, then try to leave and I would hold her until she started beating me up and after we both got tired we usually decided the fight was dumb and ended up making up. I realize that yes, that was pretty unhealthy behavior from the both of us but other than that I can't think of me treating her bad at all. I told her she was beautiful all the time, got her flowers, I would make food for her all the time, I spent so much money on her, helped her get at least 2 jobs to get away from jobs she hated, helped her out with school, took her so many places, just tried to make her happy, etc.

 

And the fact that she says that her previous boyfriend was better than me, that is the craziest part. Especially the part where she says that "he took care of me in a way that a girl should be taken care of". I am friends with the ex that is talking about, and he told me that all they ever did was fight, that they were both verbally abusive to each other like crazy and other friends have confirmed this. Also I remember her telling me how bad he was for her, how whenever she went to him with problems he never tried to talk about it like I did, he would just get her drunk, or get her high (they did a whole lots of drugs together, pot, meth, cocaine, shrooms from what I know). She even referred to herself as his live-in wh0re, because she didn't really ever fall in love with him, he just paid for everything and gave her a free ride during her first year of college. I guess that is how you are supposed to treat a girl according to her though, maybe that's why she dumped me.

 

Then this next thing really made me laugh...

 

(talking about some new guy at work)"He has seen me be completely jacked up, crying, cussing at him drunk, taking care of me-- basically at my worst, and he still tells me that he really likes me and buys me earrings. What the eff? Either he's crazy, or he's perfect. Or a little bit of both. Probably a little bit of both."

 

They have been hanging out for only a couple of weeks and he already bought her earrings and he is letting her treat him like crap already. She did the same stuff to me, expect she waited a little bit longer to treat me like crap. This guy is a complete doormat and the fact that he is already buying her jewelry makes me thing that he is going to be very possessive in the future. Also he is a pothead, which is something she told me she hated about her ex before me.

 

 

I dunno what to think. I think she is really crazy. I think that she is angry at herself for sabotaging something good, I think deep down she knows that and this is her way of dealing with it. Trying to convince herself that I was a bad boyfriend. Time is on my side, you can only lie to yourself for so long before you have to accept the truth. It's been over a month of NC from either side. I guess it's somewhat nice to know that while she does have attention from other men, she still suffers from the same problems that she did when we were together and that the problem with the relationship wasn't with me, it was being with someone that completely hates herself. I really have never seen the amount of self-loathing before that I was in her, I thought it was a phase when we were going out, that we all go through it and eventually, when she was done with school and more independent that she would get over it but now I see that it's actually a huge flaw in her character and it's going to effect every relationship that she ever gets into. I lucky she got rid of me when she did.

[ebizdiva]

If she's so crazy why are you still reading her blogs? Let her go and move on. That's the only healthy sane thing to do. You're allowing her to take her into her make believe world and change your reality.

[pryda]

Yeah, seriously.

Stop reading her blog.

[blindreepr]

Ya, I know, I need to stop. It's the one thing that I am having trouble stopping. I guess I am looking for something, I want to see some sort of remorse, but that's obviously not going to happen anytime soon. It's only been about 7 weeks, she obviously doesn't feel about me the way that I thought she did at one time. Atleast reading it has forced me to come to terms with her issues. I dunno. I think reading this last post has helped remove her from the pedestal I had her on. I need to stop though, you guys are right.

[wiser]

In some ways Chris was a better boyfriend. I mean, he was boring and we didn't do nearly as many fun things, but at least he took care of me in the way that a girl should be taken care of."[/i]

 

There were times that we would get into fights and she would first no talk at all for long periods of time, then try to leave and I would hold her until she started beating me up and after we both got tired we usually decided the fight was dumb and ended up making up.

 

As long as you are going to read her Blog, try to be objective and learn from it. You are seeing yourself from her perspective, and there's valuable information here.

 

If she believes that her prior boyfriend treated her "as a woman should be treated", and you didn't, perhaps there's a valid reason why she feels that way.

 

As far as you physically restraining her and not "allowing her to leave", well that's just bad news, and has been used as grounds for issuing a restraining order in some cases.

[love4life]

She's going through the stages of grief. I can tell you, from experience, that grief will drive you temporarily insane. Your emotions are all over the place, any common sense flies out the window, and you're a bundle of nerves. She's just trying to heal and come to terms with it. I wrote many similar blogs to that one about my ex for the first 3 months or so after the break-up, and yet I'd still cry because I missed him so much. She'll get through it and she'll come out stronger for it.

[love4life]

As far as you physically restraining her and not "allowing her to leave", well that's just bad news, and has been used as grounds for issuing a restraining order in some cases.

 

True. I had an ex do this one time when I was furious at him (while we were dating) and his physical strength over me literally just frightened me. He was controlling, though.

[auburnslp]

I will agree-she sounds crazy. Unstable, and you got yourself wrapped up in her world...

 

I can speak from experience-my marriage lasted less than a year-my fault I jumped the gun and asked after dating a month, so I didn't see her psycho side. But I made a mistake and then fixed it in a hurry.

 

The way you describe your ex is so much like mine. Maybe they are related.

 

At this point you should be kneeling and thanking God that He allowed you to see the truth. And you should be thrilled that you have the opportunity to move on and find true happiness-that happiness was never going to come with her...

 

Good luck, chin up, and be thankful, and move forward.

[Yambag the Violator]

If she's so crazy why are you still reading her blogs? Let her go and move on. That's the only healthy sane thing to do. You're allowing her to take her into her make believe world and change your reality.

 

Seconded. You're only torturing yourself and allowing her to keep you on her hook. Exercise a little will and get some distance.

[love4life]

I will agree-she sounds crazy. Unstable, and you got yourself wrapped up in her world...

 

I can speak from experience-my marriage lasted less than a year-my fault I jumped the gun and asked after dating a month, so I didn't see her psycho side. But I made a mistake and then fixed it in a hurry.

 

The way you describe your ex is so much like mine. Maybe they are related.

 

At this point you should be kneeling and thanking God that He allowed you to see the truth. And you should be thrilled that you have the opportunity to move on and find true happiness-that happiness was never going to come with her...

 

Good luck, chin up, and be thankful, and move forward.

 

I'm sorry, I'm pretty laid back most of the time and let things slide off my back, but this post really irks me. Clearly, you've never had your heart broken or lost someone close to you if you'll label someone "crazy" or "psycho" because she's in pain and experiencing some inner turmoil. Grief is a horrible experience to go through - I saw my mother go through it for 2 1/2 years after my father died, and I've gone thorugh it after 2 break-ups and a recent, delayed reaction to my father's death, but I can tell you that when the "crazy" (better-termed "grief") has run its course, the person comes out stronger, wiser and with a stronger sense of faith, understanding and patience.

 

I don't mean to pick on you, specifically, auburnslp - I've seen plenty of posters call their exes "crazy" and "psycho", and it's just an immature label to put on someone else to relieve you of the guilt you feel for hurting them and letting them down. Empathy for what the other person is going through is a much more mature, loving and kind-hearted approach.

[blindreepr]

If she believes that her prior boyfriend treated her "as a woman should be treated", and you didn't, perhaps there's a valid reason why she feels that way.

 

As far as you physically restraining her and not "allowing her to leave", well that's just bad news, and has been used as grounds for issuing a restraining order in some cases.

 

I am trying to look at that as objectively as I can, and the only thing I can come up with is that he paid for her life. She has been handed things all through and probably expected me to do the same and if I wasn't a full time student I probably would have. But instead I didn't, we shared the bill on many occasions, but at the same time I paid for things a lot of the time also. Other than that I have no idea why he would be a better boyfriend than me, all she ever did was complain about everything about him. He thinks she is crazy too.

 

Ya, if there is one mistake I made in that past relationship that was it. We would have stupid arguments and she would just shut down, then try to leave, I would think that somehow if I kept her there that she would open up but she never did. Stupid I know. I should have never forced her to stay and try and talk, if I didn't our relationship probably would have ended a lot earlier and I probably would have been the one to break it off because she could never be bother to put anything into us emotionally. I never really realized it was wrong till she verbalized what I did. Still, I never hit her or even left a mark on her, never was verbally abusive or anything. I had my issues, and I have learned from them.

 

She's going through the stages of grief. I can tell you, from experience, that grief will drive you temporarily insane. Your emotions are all over the place, any common sense flies out the window, and you're a bundle of nerves. She's just trying to heal and come to terms with it. I wrote many similar blogs to that one about my ex for the first 3 months or so after the break-up, and yet I'd still cry because I missed him so much. She'll get through it and she'll come out stronger for it.

 

 

I don't know why she is going through the stages of grief. She cheated on me, then she dumped me. I understand that it is probably not easy for her, but atleast she has the emotional crutch of two guys that are fighting for her attention. If anything I would guess that she is going through the stages of grief over the dude that originally gave her herpes like 3-4 years ago. She still wasn't over him when me and her were going out and she just not started talking to him again to try and figure things out for herself. She is seeking validation from him, even though he cheated on her with tons of different girls and gave her herpes, mono and other things. I hope she does come out stronger for it, she needs it more than I do. But I don't think she will. I see her making the same mistakes over again. Like I said earlier, I've never met someone before who hated themselves to the degree that she did. I don't know if she is still going to see a therapist, but I hope she is.

[ebizdiva]

If she isn't literally crazy she sounds like a lot of drama and trouble. Again, I'd advise for you to stop reading her blogs and staying abreast of what she's doing. Move on and find a girl that's worthy of you.

[blindreepr]

I've seen plenty of posters call their exes "crazy" and "psycho", and it's just an immature label to put on someone else to relieve you of the guilt you feel for hurting them and letting them down. Empathy for what the other person is going through is a much more mature, loving and kind-hearted approach.

 

I have absolutely no guilty in regards to her. She is the one that hurt me and let me down. I know without a doubt in my mind that I did everything I possibly could to try and make her happy. The problem was that she wasn't happy with herself. She has tried everything from sex, to drugs, to alcohol to make her happy and nothing has worked thus far. I wish she would have let down her walls and let me really try to make her happy but one thing she didn't want was to take a chance at being vulnerable, she did it before in her life and all she got for it was an STD.

 

In the end I think that me checking her blog is my way of seeking some sort of validation from it. I want to see her acknowledge what I already know, that I did my best to be there for her, but that she sabotaged it. She said it in a post before she broke up with me that she knew that she would end up sabotaging our relationship, that she always does it to the people that she truly loves, but it would be nice to see that comment after the fact. I dunno.

 

I think that I need to stop trying to get validation from a girl that can't even get validation for herself. I know that I did my best and that she was lucky to have a guy like me for the time that she did. I wasn't without my faults but I did everything I knew to try and get her to smile. In the end that wasn't enough and that is not my fault.

[blindreepr]

If she isn't literally crazy she sounds like a lot of drama and trouble. Again, I'd advise for you to stop reading her blogs and staying abreast of what she's doing. Move on and find a girl that's worthy of you.

 

It's funny you say that because in her blogs recently she talks about loving all the drama and attention in her life. That she loves mixing things up and just making situations more emotional and crazy in her life. That she knows that it is self destructive but that she can't help but toy with peoples feelings and lives because it makes her feel better.

 

You are right. I need to stop reading her blogs. I need to make some sort of plan to prevent reading it anymore.

[ebizdiva]

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLO

 

Did you miss the warning signs or did you just decide to ignore them? This girl sounds like a real peach to me. You're still trying to figure her out why? If nothing else I give this girl brownie points for her honesty.

 

Are you sure you're not enjoying the drama and entertainment yourself? At some point this isn't about her, it's about you. Move on.

[buckdawg]

she's crazy and she's trying to get you on the train too.

 

you have GOT to stop this nonsense. it's not doing anything but holding you back from moving forward. the absolute best payback you get on her is to ignore her completely, especially if she's a drama you-know-what.

[Wakingdream]

I hear what you're saying but I think he is referring more to her being 'crazy' during their relationship and she showing some of the same behaviors during the breakup, regardless of the context of the post-breakup.

[blindreepr]

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLO

 

Did you miss the warning signs or did you just decide to ignore them? This girl sounds like a real peach to me. You're still trying to figure her out why? If nothing else I give this girl brownie points for her honesty.

 

Are you sure you're not enjoying the drama and entertainment yourself? At some point this isn't about her, it's about you. Move on.

 

I guess I saw the warning signs, but attributed them to immaturity, or the fact that she didn't ever had a "good" boyfriend. Now I see why, any guy that is good she will get rid of because she doesn't think she deserves him. She told me so many times that I deserved better than her, she was right.

 

Moving on sounds great, I am making so much progress in my other goals I had set for myself, I need to focus on how I am improving rather than anything about her. One of my goals was to get rid of all the negative people in my life, this definitely includes her, and by cheating on and dumping me it should make that goals so much easier. I need to focus on that.

[Zeter]

Perhaps her blog was intended for your eyes, all the more dubious and all the more reason NOT to read it anymore.

 

Zeter

[blindreepr]

Perhaps her blog was intended for your eyes, all the more dubious and all the more reason NOT to read it anymore.

 

Zeter

 

now THAT would be the definition of crazy

[Yambag the Violator]

now THAT would be the definition of crazy

 

 

No more crazy than you reading her blog to try and get insight.

[blindreepr]

No more crazy than you reading her blog to try and get insight.

 

True, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again hoping for different results. No far no different results here. I am still reading the blog (no longer will do this hopefully) and she is still engaging in self destructive behaviors.

[love4life]

I hear what you're saying but I think he is referring more to her being 'crazy' during their relationship and she showing some of the same behaviors during the breakup, regardless of the context of the post-breakup.

 

Fair enough. Reading blindreepr's follow-up posts, I see where he's coming from. I still hate to call anyone "crazy", since we all have "issues and problems" that can make us "crazy".

 

I have absolutely no guilty in regards to her. She is the one that hurt me and let me down. I know without a doubt in my mind that I did everything I possibly could to try and make her happy. The problem was that she wasn't happy with herself. She has tried everything from sex, to drugs, to alcohol to make her happy and nothing has worked thus far. I wish she would have let down her walls and let me really try to make her happy but one thing she didn't want was to take a chance at being vulnerable, she did it before in her life and all she got for it was an STD.

 

In the end I think that me checking her blog is my way of seeking some sort of validation from it. I want to see her acknowledge what I already know, that I did my best to be there for her, but that she sabotaged it. She said it in a post before she broke up with me that she knew that she would end up sabotaging our relationship, that she always does it to the people that she truly loves, but it would be nice to see that comment after the fact. I dunno.

 

I think that I need to stop trying to get validation from a girl that can't even get validation for herself. I know that I did my best and that she was lucky to have a guy like me for the time that she did. I wasn't without my faults but I did everything I knew to try and get her to smile. In the end that wasn't enough and that is not my fault.

 

blindreepr,

Thanks for clarifying things. Sounds like she is troubled with a lot of deep-seated issues and needs to seek therapy. You are obviously someone who "loves too much", as they say, but you're better off without her, as much as you may love her. I have been in the same place you have been - my last ex was medicated for bipolar disorder/manic-depression but, had he not been, it probably would have been a much rougher ride. The medication seemed to only cover the underlying problems that he hadn't chosen to address through therapy. Your line above about "trying to get validation from a girl that can't even get validation for herself" is right on target. I believe those are the hardest relationships to rebound from. You're left feeling that their issues are yours based on their projections on to you.

[blindreepr]

blindreepr,

Thanks for clarifying things. Sounds like she is troubled with a lot of deep-seated issues and needs to seek therapy. You are obviously someone who "loves too much", as they say, but you're better off without her, as much as you may love her. I have been in the same place you have been - my last ex was medicated for bipolar disorder/manic-depression but, had he not been, it probably would have been a much rougher ride. The medication seemed to only cover the underlying problems that he hadn't chosen to address through therapy. Your line above about "trying to get validation from a girl that can't even get validation for herself" is right on target. I believe those are the hardest relationships to rebound from. You're left feeling that their issues are yours based on their projections on to you.

 

Funny thing is that I wasn't always someone who "loves too much". Like I said earlier, I realize I have my own issues and in past relationships I was a bit clingy and insecure but I didn't express it by loving too much. I did it by being a flat out jerk. I am ashamed of how I treated my previous ex (not the one I am currently dealing with). I wasn't a good boyfriend to her at all, I probably wasn't even that FUN of a boyfriend either. I wonder why she stayed with me sometimes. She left me after two years for her coworker, that was over a year ago and now that we are both fully over each other we are just now starting to talk again and be friends. I am surprised that she would want to be friends with me after the way I treated her but it gives me hope that she saw that deep down I was a good guy that just had issues that needed to be dealt with.

 

I think that the past relationship made me go to the other side of the extreme and put everything, all my emotions, love, effort, everything into the relationship that just ended. I KNOW I was a good boyfriend and definitely a FUN boyfriend. My hope is that between the two relationships I can find a happy medium and be the best partner I can be in the future. I'm not thinking about starting a new relationship anytime with anyone other than myself. I have finally come to terms with my inner insecurity and neediness. I want to get that handled before I start anything serious at all. I am going to therapy, working out, eating healthy and working on being a more extroverted , social person. I hope to see major changes in the next 6 months to a year and I am VERY excited for the person that I am going to become.

[auburnslp]

well someone on here didn't like the word "crazy" and "psycho"...I was married to a girl who turned out to be a compulsive liar-literally, would lie about anything at all, every day, just a sickness...depressed, bi-polar, would lay into me for no reason, to the point that several times I had to barricade myself in the guest room to get away from her-

 

Sorry sweet-she was a "psycho", and she was "crazy". You don't have to like the terms-I really don't care. But life was hell and life sucked in the short time I was with her, and that was all I was trying to say to the original poster. That we should both be very, very glad that they are gone.

 

You don't have to like the terms, but,...

 

If it looks like a rose, and smells like a rose, well,...it's probably a rose.