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Attempted Sex .. And Failed


itsbean07

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My boyfriend and I attempted to have sex for the first time tonight. Everything was going great, we had a bunch of foreplay and we were ready for it. When he got the condom on he started to get soft because he was nervous. (We're both virgins) When he finally got hard again, he tried to put it in and he'd get the tip of his head in the hole, then he'd slide out as he tried to push himself all the way in. Then he got more nervous and soft again and the story repeats. We attempted a few more times, then finally gave up. I was wondering if you guys had any advice on what to do with both situations. Any ideas on what to do to calm the nerves and keep him hard? Any suggestions to help us get the penis in? Any advice would be awesome. He's real upset about this and is afraid to try again. Thanks in advance, everyone! =)

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there is only one problem here, and that is him losing his erection. If he maintains the erection, he will get it in for sure. The trouble is, if he's taking your virginity he will have to be extra hard, and keep it that way, because you will be extra tight and difficult to penetrate the first time. Breaking your hymen is going to require a proper full erection and i'm afraid anything less simply wont do it. I suggest u keep trying. Its important that he stays relaxed and calm. Nothing kills a hard-on like stress and pressure to perform. The fear of failure will only make him worse.

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I suggest you wait until your married before having sex . I hear so many people talking about sex in these relationship my opinion would be if people would stop having sex with each other and build a relationship of love and friendship and save sex for marriage the way it is intended there wouldnt be so many realtionship problems . After the sex there is nothing else to share and relationships go down hill . Come on the world dont evolve around sex. It is just a small part. Im a man i here men talk all the time they come and brag to thier buddies about well i got her or she was good or bad and it is just a game to them. So ladies if you want respect and good men stop laying down and having sex with your boyfriends everytime u get one and things might turn out better.

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I'm 46 and have NEVER been good with condoms. As suggested above, if you can use another form of birth control that would go a long way toward alleviating the problems.

 

It's not uncommon for a guy to have performance anxiety the first few times, and now that he's got a problem, he may really start to freak himself out by worrying about it. Do your best to be supportive, be patient, and make light of his difficulties by making sure he knows that its no big deal to you.

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Condoms espically the first the first time are always hard..a lot of factors are in play with these including temperature...if the condom is cold it'll make a guy go soft quicker...my solution is either keep them on a place that will stay warm and easy to reach (pillow case) or have the girl orally put it on..

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The problem is only partly to do with the condom, lubrication, tightness, etc. What it really ahs to do with is performance anxiety. If he feels pressured to perform, gets anxious, fails, relax rinse and repeat its only going to become a point of resentment for him (and you).

 

Like ftheunion said, cuddle naked. Have baths together, do a lot of foreplay, all WITHOUT the stated expectation to have sex. Don't plan to have sex, just let it happen sometime. It may take a while longer to get to that stage but somethings gotta be done to take the edge off.

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Definite performance anxiety. I actually had it happen to me for the first time at the age of 34 when I ended up with a woman who was WAY out of my league. She was incredibly pretty, seriously wealthy, more educated than me, had travelled the world, just a ton of things.

 

To this day I still can't believe I got lucky with her. Anyway, I hadn't had sex in a couple years prior to this, and I was afraid it was an age issue. Afraid my motor was getting old already. But nope, it was performance anxiety.

 

This fed into itself, and became a vicious circle for several days before I correctly identified the problem. Then I figured once I could just quit being nervous about it the problem would go away. Problem solved itself within a week.

 

Of course, 2 years later I'm single again due to OTHER problems lol...

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