The Loss of Someone Special

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey everyone -

 

I just found out from a mom of my kids' friend that a guy that used to work with our kids at school killed himself a few days ago.

 

I didn't know the guy real well but I do remember seeing him walking to the school or in the hallways.

 

He was a very young guy. The kids loved him and he loved the kids. I checked out his MySpace page. He had a TON of friends.

 

My point to bringing this here is..... how does anyone ever know?

 

I mean, how does anyone ever know enough to stop that? He was bi-polar and really struggled sometimes, but apparently really never made mention of killing himself. Not aloud anyway.

 

And how could he have ever known the impact his death would have and on so many? I've heard a lot of people, even from here, say that they've got no one. No one would care if they were gone or not.

 

But if you have a job, go to school, have family, have ever talked to anyone, you WILL be missed and the world will be in a sad place and people will be confused and just want you to come back.

 

He just wanted people to be at peace with what he did because he was. But how can they be? I mean, HOW? How can someone push the hurt, pain and sorrow away and just be at peace with the fact that someone you love, care about, or even liked or respected is no longer breathing.......

[Dako]

Suicides are often a surprise if the person showed no sign of distress.

People I've lost seemed to have selected it for reasons only they can fathom. I can only respect that difficult decision.

It's sad to leave others, especially kids, to ponder the whole event.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Thanks for the reply Dako - I know what you mean about respecting the difficult decision. And I can't imagine, as you said probably only he can fathom, how hard it must've been to say, "yep, I know what I'm doing, I know who will be affected but I'm doing it anyway."

 

Not that I condone or respect what he did but I think in his case there are many who "understand."

 

Its all so tragic. Always is......

[NKP]

Yeah its such a big lost and a wasted life. My father did the same and these not one day i dont think about him, and il never know why or what was on his mind. Iv learnt to live with my life but these 2 brothers and 1 of my sisters that just cant let go, and its been 6 years. A lost to suicde people never get over it.

 

Life is a gift and we should all live it to the max.

 

Anyway Merry Xmas everyone hope you all have a good one.

[Kraegorn]

To how I perceived this, he probably felt that nobody could have helped him; he accepted that nothing was going to change, and nobody needed to be alerted about it.

 

Truth is, nobody can truly know how we are feeling. We can only be optimistic about such things, and share how we experience life in our own eyes. But to truly comprehend what another person is going through, we'd lose our mortality, and life wouldn't be much to live for, in a perfect world.

 

In a perfect world, there wouldn't be famine, pain, or struggle. There would be one choice, one direction. Now, there's a place not worth living for, and the good part is, that's not the world we live in.

 

You might judge less fortunate people as unlucky, but life with more challenge, comes greater rewards. Eventually those that are willing to turn the tide, will receive better insight, and grow in ways others can't.

 

You might see this guy as a victim of suicide, I see him as doing what he was programmed to do, despite the choices he was given, there was a time to undo the program. But then again, i didn't live his life, and this is all said in assumption.

[Anotherday]

I am sorry for your loss and the loss of others whose lives were touched by knowing him.

 

I deal with Bipolar disorder. When I got my Dx of bipolar 1 depressive, I could not think of any psychiatric Dx that would be worse. I do struggle and some days just getting up and about, taking a shower, and trying to keep my house clean are the only things I can do.

 

I guess I have to respect someone's decision to end the pain, as tragic as it is. I wish I could seem more positive, but holidays are hard. I can only hope this person has found more peace now than in life.

 

I am sorry, however.

 

P.S. Suicide is NEVER a good idea, even if one thinks about it. I guess people will have thoughts, from time to time. Thoughts won't kill but actions will. I've been known to call a crisis line before, and it works.

[Miss Firecracker]

Holidays are hard. The way my son dealt with it this year was to volunteer to work Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. He was diagnosed with this disorder in September of 2006. Can't even imagine how I'd feel if he did that. I say sometimes it's almost like he died when he had his first manic episode, but that isn't true. He is the same person, just acts very different. I pray that he never does that to himself. We love him so much.

[Anotherday]

Holidays are hard. The way my son dealt with it this year was to volunteer to work Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. He was diagnosed with this disorder in September of 2006. Can't even imagine how I'd feel if he did that. I say sometimes it's almost like he died when he had his first manic episode, but that isn't true. He is the same person, just acts very different. I pray that he never does that to himself. We love him so much.

 

Not to digress too much, but it's amazing the meds they have out there these days. I just went to my group and there was a woman who really had problems with mania, then severe depression. I was really concerned she'd check out but she saw a new psychiatrist five days later and then ended up much better.

 

Volunteering is always great. At one of my lowest points I did the same and it was very useful. Perhaps this is a good idea for anyone reading this thread who might be considering a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to give some reassurance here.

 

P.S. I did have a meltdown this time of year last year. I ended up in the hospital a few days. Point is, holidays ARE tough so perhaps people (myself include) need to really keep this in mind. This too shall pass.

[AwdreeHpburn]

NKP - I'm really sorry. That's gotta be so tough to deal with. I'm sorry.

 

You're all right though. Even though you all said different things, you're all so right.

 

Its just SO hard to know and I just wanted to make a point to say something - I know there are people who think about doing this as a means to escape, cope, just be done, whatever... And I really think that THEY think they won't affect people as much as they do.

 

The balance I find so troubling is the line between meddling too much and saving someone.

 

And then of course when they're gone its a million times easier to see what we coulda, woulda, shoulda done to help - even though we rarely do when they're right in front of us.....

[Spugly Fuglet]

glory in there life, morn there death and live for they can not.