Family Crisis!

[caroline20]

Hiya there,

 

I've not spoken on a forum like this before, but I need to get my emotions out. My friend reassured me about this forum, so I tohught I would give it a try.

 

Well.. I'm havign a few problems dealing with my family, I don't understand why our family are falling apart, I'm not sure we are, I mean we still keep in touch but it's not like it's how it used to be, when my Father and my Uncle was here. It's like they were keeping us all together.

I dont like it.. I want us to stay together, to visit each other more often like we used to.

I know it's not alot but its how our family was. I dont know why its so different, why the change? I thought we would have come closer.

 

At Christmas, no one is having a Boxing Day party, WE ALWAYS HAVE ONE, at either one of our houses. WHY NOT THIS YEAR? WHAT IS SO DIFFERENT?

The only party we're going to is the New Year's party at my Aunty's. I dont understand, we always have parties together. Its the tradition for our family!

I dont understand why everything must change when my father and uncle die! x

 

Thanks for you're appreciation.

 

Caroline! x

[Crazyaboutdogs]

When did your father and uncle die? Maybe nobody feels in the mood this year because they are feeling the loss. How old are you? Aren't you grieving the loss of your father and uncle.

[RayKay]

Everyone is different and for your family it might just feel too painful to celebrate too much this year.

 

Just my thoughts.

 

And, another though is traditions can change over time, it does not mean they are worse, just different! In my family for example we used to have Christmas Eve dinners at my grandparents - but after my grandma died, and later my grandpa, we did not anymore and as all my uncles were married and went to their wive's families.

 

So, instead, my siblings and I go late-night tobogganing on Christmas Eve with our partners...it's great as the hill is quiet as everyone else is inside at Christmas Eve parties! Then we come home, play games like Trivial Pursuit & Cranium, have a few drinks and then crash....it's a great time!

 

Different than it used to be, but just as much part of our tradition now and so much fun!

 

So, make new traditions!

 

Maybe Boxing Day can become cheesy movie theme day or something

[caroline20]

My father died 4 years ago in October. My Uncle died the following year in the April.

 

Well, its weird really, we were close up until this past year. We have had many deaths, I understand that they may be grieving.. I am too..I've had councilling, I have just finished my sessions. My family relatives have not. The thing is.. they're drinking, they drink too much. My father died from schlorosis of the liver.

Drinking is inherited in our family background.

 

I think we need to talk to each other alot more. I want to be able to see them more often. Like we used to, we used to visit each other every weekend.

If they're not up to it.. I understand. But.. Why arnt they up to it within the whole year.. or more or less the whole year.?

 

My father and my Uncle will not have wanted our fmaily to bel ike this? We've always been close.

[RayKay]

My guess then is that it was your father and Uncle keeping things close, and maybe without them - the family does not feel as close or see it as "required".

 

Sorry about the history of alcohol abuse in your family - my dad's side of the family is like that and it certainly makes things hard. Are you going to Alateen or something similar, it can be really helpful...

 

link removed

[caroline20]

Thank you for your help.. I really appreciate it! x

 

I'll have a look at the link.. and Im sorry about you family side too!! x

[KG]

Caroline,

Following the death of my wife in February, many friends and family vanished!

Here it Christmas Eve, no one thought to take him shopping for presents for me, I had to "draft" someone. Hardly anyone called or stopped by...

I don't know why either, perhaps they feel it will never be like it was before!

But my son and I are keeping our traditions alive, doing things exactly as we did them before.

I wish you luck, and offer a "merry Christmas" to you, in liew of those you are missing!

KG