dating and moving away?

[annie24]

so, i've taken a hiatus from dating for a while to work on myself, focus on my friends, career, etc...... trying to figure out what went wrong in previous relationships so i don't make the same mistakes again.

 

i am starting to contemplate getting back in the dating scene this spring. however, due to my career circumstances, i will likely be moving in about a year, somewhere not so nearby. (ie, at least hundreds of miles away.) simply put, i am ready for a change, and would like to experience something new. and unless i have a darned good reason, i likely will not stay here.

 

but how do i deal with this dating wise? do i say i am looking for a serious relationship, but am moving soon? not talk about it? or only look for casusal relationships and flings? i know in the past, some guys i have dated have planned on staying put, and they know i don't, so it's been a source of conflict in the relationship. i guess i would stay if i met the love of my life, but truthfully, i would be happier somewhere else. or should i just not date until i move (a year from now. )

 

opinions? thoughts?

[RayKay]

I think you can date, but just be upfront about moving away. May mean a lot of dates end after the first one....but some may be alright with it too to see where it goes (could they go too where you are going, or could you do long distance?). Others might think it is great as then it has to stay "casual".

 

I know a guy whom was in that situation - he moved to South Africa recently and has known he was going for a year or so (to be there for 3-5 years) and was just upfront with women about it.

 

I dated someone whom I knew was going away for a year (a year after we started dating) and while he came back 15 months later, it was still tough...but we stayed with one another 5 years until he passed away.

 

 

Someone else I started dating was moving about 9-10 hours away a couple weeks later...we just took turns visiting....

 

I guess the better question annie - is will you be okay with dating someone and maybe falling for them and then moving away and possibly ending things?

[annie24]

i guess.... if i meet the love of my life, i wouldn't mind staying for him. there are other employment opportunities for me here, i have friends, my own place, etc..... i don't think i would be happy here the rest of my life though. i can hang out for a few more years, but then i feel like it is time to leave.... i guess i would hope to meet someone who would like to move away also. or is that too hard to find, lol?

 

my problem - i am not good at casual relationships! but i do miss intimacy! sigh.

[Cimmie]

Hi Annie.

 

A friend of mine said to me today, 'don't close off options', and I'd say the same to you about this. There is no need to closet yourself away for months until you move. But as RayKay says, be clear with your dates about your plans.

 

There's no reason in the world for you not to have casual dates and some fun times, as long as you are upfront.

 

And if you meet someone fantastic, your life could change. Who knows? Its good not to avoid possiblities that present themselves.

[LBP]

I am in your exact same situation... I'm living in my current town for only a short while before moving and, once I go, I intend to be going for a while. The only thing that will pin me down are my passions...

 

Which brings me to my advice. There's no reason to deny yourself anything at this juncture. It sounds like you're a little lost which means you need to do some searching... Sometimes, that kind of thing involves the opposite sex, getting to know people, having relationships however limited they may ultimately be. Sometimes it doesn't involve that at all. If you're truly at a loss then you cannot afford limit yourself. The danger of not finding what you're looking for is too great.

 

So, to throw my hat in with the others, you can ABSOLUTELY date before moving away. If you're honest with yourself, honest with your dates and dedicated to the cause of YOU then there should be no cause for concern.

 

As a personal aside, I am now... Gold Member!

[annie24]

thanks guys - yes, you are right lbp, i am a bit lost ..... it's kind of a weird transition point. i don't have a job lined up quite yet, but am confident i will be able to find one. if i get the dream job, i will be moving thousands of miles away. but, everything is up in the air at this moment.

 

i guess sometime in early 2008, i'll put my profile up again online and see what happens - if i meet someone and they ask what my plans are, i'll just have to tell them flat out - i have no idea! that depends on many things, some which are within my control, others, not. i am open to moving anywhere in the world for my next job, do not have a geographical preference, but i know what it is i want to do, but it is a job that i can take anywhere in the world. i'm not picky when it comes to money, i just want to find the right fit.

 

adding a man to all this confusion is.... well.... confusing! truth be told, i miss the physical intimacy more than anything else. i've thought about putting a listing on an 'adult encounters' type site - but.... i'm just not that kind of girl - can't do it with someone i don't love... or at least don't care a lot about! so, that kind of sucks, lol.

[CaptainPlanet]

better to have loved and lost

 

a year is also a very long time

 

if u were a man and it had been a year i'd say u'd probably propose if she were moving away.

 

being a woman I guess ur just going to have to hope the he does.

 

Either that or you get to have a year long fling, though I suspect a year is a long time to date someone for anyway.

[annie24]

^^^^ it is. a lot of things can happen in a year.

[Kiwi_Sweet]

I would just look for flings and hook-ups. If along the way, you see one of these flings as potential boyfriend material, then just go for it. As far as you moving away, definitely let the person you become involved with know your circumstances, so that way they can prepare for a long-distance relationship.

[Kiwi_Sweet]

Do you already have a final destination, if you were to move away?

[annie24]

Do you already have a final destination, if you were to move away?

 

no, i don't. i haven't even started looking for jobs seriously. i mean, i've been looking around, keeping my eyes open, have ideas where to apply, but don't know for sure. i am truly open to moving anywhere in the world, and would even enjoy moving overseas for a few years. i can learn languages quickly, so that doesn't freak me out.

 

of course, there are plenty of employment opportunities where i live now too.....

[Kiwi_Sweet]

Do you already have a final destination, if you were to move away?[/quote

 

bcuz if you did, you could always look for "flings" in that town...hmmm..sounds like a good idea to me!

[annie24]

oooh, i wish i could do flings - would simplify my life so much. i get too needy though, lol

[Kiwi_Sweet]

no, i don't. i haven't even started looking for jobs seriously. i mean, i've been looking around, keeping my eyes open, have ideas where to apply, but don't know for sure. i am truly open to moving anywhere in the world, and would even enjoy moving overseas for a few years. i can learn languages quickly, so that doesn't freak me out.

 

of course, there are plenty of employment opportunities where i live now too.....

 

 

What kind of work do you do? Did you go to school? How old are you? haha..21 questions!

[annie24]

i'll send you a pm

[Orlander]

What aspects of yourself did you need to work on and why do you feel like you want to date now?

 

Two schools of thought regarding you dating though. One is the "just go for it and darned the consequences" school and the other is "dont involve yourself in something you know wont/can't last" school.

 

I should personally really take the advice that I about to give you but here goes...just go for it. Life is too short.

[Kiwi_Sweet]

oooh, i wish i could do flings - would simplify my life so much. i get too needy though, lol

 

Know how that is...lol

[ghost69]

date as much as you want. tell them you are leaving so they don't get bent out of shape when the time comes. this way, they can really display how much they like you. like if you are worth it or not.

[hosswhispra]

Hey annie24-

 

How do you plan on putting yourself back in the dating scene?

 

-meeting people through friends/family

-activities/clubs

-through school

-random ways (in the supermarket, at the carwash, at the library)

-online dating

 

Just curious about where people choose to put themselves out there when they choose to date again.

 

Thanks in advance,

hoss

[Daligal83]

I think you should go for it. Dating can be a casual and fun thing. It doesn't have to be only about hooking up or only about finding the man you'll marry. It's about getting out there, meeting people, and having fun. I'd definitely say not to hold yourself back because of something that may or may not happen a year from now.

[Jayme]

I think you should go on dates, but the scary part is, what happens when the guy gets really into you, only knowing that you're leaving soon? Hm, it's gonna be heartbreaking.

[annie24]

What aspects of yourself did you need to work on and why do you feel like you want to date now?

 

i just wanted to spend some time, losing weight, and trying to improve my looks, hair, etc.... and spend some time thinking about why past relationships failed and maybe how to make it better next time.... in short, to come back a different person on the dating scene. i also had a lot of stuff going on the last few months, the next few months also, didn't really have time to date anyways. i'm halfway there with the weight loss, still have more to go, but i should hit goal in about march-april, about the time that my schedule should calm down also.

 

i dunnooo..... i guess i can go for it in a few months and just see what happens..... i'll probably go back to online dating, and tell my friends that i am 'back on the dating scene' so if they know someone they would like to introduce me to, they can do so.

[just M.E.]

annie, pretty much everything you have said has paralleled what I was thinking, I do miss the intimacy and got in to quick but that also slowed down right after so the stress went away.

 

I understand the working on yourself, losing weight, feeling good about yourself. It seems a point of self pride to go out there feeling your best. I got to my goal last week (but after Christmas who knows, may need to start over!!!) so I feel pretty good about that part. The "ME" part needs some work, but some of that needs to happen interacting, dating.

 

I think just be honest, pull back if you aren't comfortable. There is no way to tell how things will be in the start, just be honest and open minded and pray for the best.

 

Where do you go online? I am struggling to get comfortable about that, I put up a profile and then take it right down, I get self conscious.

[Altruist]

It depends on what kind of job you do and how far its likely to take you. If you find someone you like then by all means date him annie. If he's serious then he will not let the distance (within reasonable limits) separate you.

[annie24]

It depends on what kind of job you do and how far its likely to take you. If you find someone you like then by all means date him annie. If he's serious then he will not let the distance (within reasonable limits) separate you.

 

i'm a scientist. how far my job takes me - i can take my skills anywhere in the world, am only limited by how quickly it can take me to learn a language. science is good that way - you can take the job anywhere in the world, still applies. i don't do long distance though, lol. maybe if the distance is temporary, but i just can't do long distance indefinitely. that's all assuming a lot of things though - that i meet someone i like, and he likes me, and i get a job offer very very far away.

 

just ME - i'll probably try eharmony again. you should try it - if you don't feel comfortable with the entire world seeing your profile, it's ok, because the only people who see your profile are your matches, no one else knows. not even other users on eharmony that they deemed you incompatible with. i mean, everyone does online dating now - it's nothing to feel ashamed of, everyone does it.