esant Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 We broke up last night. There was lots of problems from the get-go and I thought they were being resolved or worked on but I guess that I was wrong. There were many bad things he did to me and many times he should have been there for me and wasn't. I was in an accident and he went to the bar instead of coming to the hospital. I had knee surgery and instead of seeing how i was, he went to a concert. The list goes on and on. Well things were actually going great for the past week until yesterday. Let me mention we have been together since last November.. so a little over a year. My brother had reconstructive surgery on his nose (he's 14 and was in a car accident) and yesterday he had to go to the dr to get the packing out. He passed out and it just went downhill because he wouldn't wake up and we almost had to take him to the hospital. He eventually came to and we brought him home and had to watch him. My ex told me that I was selfish because he wanted to go to the bar and I had asked him to come spend time with me because it was a terrible day and I was upset. He told me i was acting childish and it was selfish that I'd even ask this of him. he wanted to go and he did. he had the nerve to text me at 1am and ask me how my brother was and then get mad because I didnt reply. I pretty much ended it and said I can't be with someone who isnt there for me but can go sit in the bar all night. Did i do the right thing or should I have just apologized for even asking him to come over? Link to comment
ebizdiva Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 There are so many things that I feel like saying. So many things that I probably could say about this guy and this situation but all I say is this? Does this guy REALLY make you happy? He's not there for you mentally, physically or when you need him. The events that you mentioned are pretty drastic events one would expect ones mate to hold there hand through. You already know who you're dealing with and you've made the decision to get out, so keep going. You deserve better. Find somebody who is able and willing to provide you with the love and support that you deserve. Sharifah Link to comment
Hope75 Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 This guy doesn't sound like he was making you a priority and I don't know about you but I don't have time in my life for romantic relationships with someone who doesn't make me a priority. Do you? Link to comment
esant Posted December 23, 2007 Author Share Posted December 23, 2007 you bring up a good point.. i am 24.. in law school.. i dont really feel like i have time to play games like we are in high school.. i just hate the fact that i sit here and keep somehow convincing myself that i was wrong or maybe i expect too much Link to comment
Hope75 Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 What exactly did you expect that was too much? Respect? Consideration? Oh yeah- waaay too much to expect from a partner. Link to comment
esant Posted December 23, 2007 Author Share Posted December 23, 2007 I guess that he thinks it is expecting too much if he has to go out of his way or not go to the bar for one weekend. His priorities are definitely out of line for a 27 year old. You are 100% right, I do deserve respect and consideration and I am not getting either of those. It is wrong if I do something but it is ok to him if he does it. If it doesn't involve a bar or his friends, he is not interested. I tried to take him out with my friends from school and he complained the entire time that he didnt like their attitudes, etc. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 I guess that he thinks it is expecting too much if he has to go out of his way or not go to the bar for one weekend. His priorities are definitely out of line for a 27 year old. You are 100% right, I do deserve respect and consideration and I am not getting either of those. It is wrong if I do something but it is ok to him if he does it. If it doesn't involve a bar or his friends, he is not interested. I tried to take him out with my friends from school and he complained the entire time that he didnt like their attitudes, etc. This does not sound like a guy who is interested in being in a committed relationship- but instead one who enjoys being single and devoting his time to hanging with friends and having fun. His loss. Link to comment
esant Posted December 23, 2007 Author Share Posted December 23, 2007 i think it sucks because i thought maybe he would be into having a real relationship. i should have saw all the red flags.. he was engaged before and left the fiance to take a break because he started befriending this girl at work and became interested. that was another thing that we fought over, he wasn't ok with my male friends but he could go to the bar and meet random girls and it was ok. i really didnt think it was necessary to meet girls and talk to them and blow me off.. this is frustrating.. i know i did the right thing but it just sucks.. let the recovery begin! Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 wow, you so made the right decision, don't ever look back. you are in law school, you must be a smart woman - you can see the situation objectively. first off, he failed these tests, horribly. if you are looking for a life partner/husband, you want someone who is reliable and looks after you. like brings you soup when you are sick, goes to the store to get you medicine, visits you or your family in the hospital, etc.... and he failed miserably. he is not long term material. the fact that he was this callous with your brother - imagine if you had children with him! he would do the same thing, act annoyed he can't go out drinking when his son or daughter has a broken leg and need to go to the hospital to get a cast. second - i read your previous post and it sounds like he has a really unhealthy dependence on drinking. i wonder if he has an alcohol problem. it's good you are not with him anymore, you deserve far better than this. don't ever regret it for a second. i think with more time and space, you'll see just how bad the relationship was. afterall, wouldn't you want better for your sister or best friend? Link to comment
Hope75 Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 The more you describe this guy the better off I think you are without him. He didn't treat you with respect, he expected you to live by a double standard, and he wasn't making you any sort of priority. Buh-bye. Link to comment
esant Posted December 23, 2007 Author Share Posted December 23, 2007 second - i read your previous post and it sounds like he has a really unhealthy dependence on drinking. i wonder if he has an alcohol problem. I think he does. He did when I met him, he HAD to go to the bar 5-6 nights a week and constantly ragged on me for not going. Then he kinda straightened up but it seems like he's just turning back into that person. He does have many problems and I know he goes to a psychiatrist because he was suicidal, may still be, im not sure. Her fix for everything is to keep giving him pills and I think he's at the point where he takes 3 different pills a day. She also tells him he shouldn't be over his ex fiance, and the dr conveniently is the ex fiance's counselor too. seems fishy the ex did in fact move on, she moved onto his best friend so i can see where he might have some issues with trust but.. that doesn't make him right for doing things that he wouldnt be comfortable with me doing. Link to comment
ebizdiva Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 Drama, drama, drama. Again you want to be with this man why? Link to comment
greensleeves Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 You absolutely did the right thing....don't doubt that for an instant. This guy sounds extremely self involved and inconsiderate. You've listed several instances when he wasn't there for you and you deserve much better. Stick to your guns on this....he isn't worth your time. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 Ayayayaye! Like diarrhea, it just keeps coming! So glad you got rid of this guy honey. Next! Link to comment
esant Posted December 23, 2007 Author Share Posted December 23, 2007 the 2am texts of i miss you and i need you started last night. he tries to guilt trip me then he said he had to go out because he needed to miss me. we have been fighting off and on and haven't seen each other much and if he needed to run to the bar when i needed him to be there for me, i dont see how that is fair or even reasonable. he shouldnt need to run to the bar to miss me, right? Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 block his number. forget it. he is a loser and a waste of time. you have a promising future ahead, don't let this bozo get you down. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 I'm with Annie- if you can block his number do it, if not shut your phone off for a few days. Link to comment
MNmike Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 After reading about your guy, I was an angel to my girlfriend. And she still broke up with me. Go figure. Link to comment
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