He's "fishing" - bit long

[LilBear]

A couple of days ago, my ex has expressed a possibility of us getting back together. He went like "I'm thinking of giving you a chance but it doesn't seem like you want it" and I texted back "It's not MY chance, it's OUR chance, if you want to get back together we have to compromise" and he said "I'm like that, I can't change, what do you expect from me if we get back together". I told him my expectations and asked for him to tell me his, and he said he wants me to lose weight and be beautiful. After telling him that it's feelings, not beauty that will last I ceased contact with him. He didn't contact me for two days.

 

This morning at 4am, he texted me this "I 've thought carefully. Although we cannot be together, I really appreciate what you've done for me in the past three years. As much as we want to be together, I'm afraid it just can't happen. Love and kisses...*my nickname for him*

 

I said "Ok"

And he went "You're not asleep at 4am?"

I said "Been thinking"

He said "What about? Care to share?"

I said "About you wanting me to be beautiful"

He said "It was rude and I do take it back. I know what you looked like from day 1 and I don't think you can change"

I said "I know you said we can't get back together and I'm not harbouring hopes but I do know that I look better now, and just to let you know that beauty is achievable with some money and effort, but it doesn't last"

He said "I really cannot because I've got a girlfriend, like I said"

 

(This is the 3rd time we get to this stage - the first two initiated by me, the girlfriend excuse he gives 3 times as well, and this "possibly getting back together" is initiated by him)

 

I replied "I know"

He said "How do you know?"

I said "You've told me"

He said "Oh..but don't worry, you're not bad"

I retorted "Obviously I was or else you would have been with me"

He said "Timing. Not your fault"

I rounded things off by saying "I am happy that you are happy. And again, I'll tell you to do what is right, if you need assistance, I'm here"

 

But basically it has been a weird week. A mutual (guy) friend of ours, E, his dad suddenly passed away of heart failure. When I informed my ex, he came on msn and asked me what I was doing? I told him that I was accompanying E playing an online game, and he went..."what game?" and I told him...and he replied "If you want to go for him, now is the time" and I went "What?" and he replied "nothing, lol"

 

The day after that I asked him if he was going to visit E, who's dad was lying in state at his home and he texted back "Haven't been to see him yet, maybe tonight." and I asked him where E lives because I've never been to his house. My ex replied "ABC. You wanna go find him?" and I went "Which part of ABC exactly? E did tell me where but I'm not sure where it is and don't want to get lost." He never replied so I tried again, "Hmm...you're not going to tell me?" and to this I get an instant reaction "Why don't you go ask E? I'm busy now".

All my friends agreed that he was jealous. E is his best friend. And that night he texted "You know the people around us are important. Seriously very important. You know my best friend? He fight with his dad in the morning, in the afternoon he passed away, never did get to say sorry. And the movie Click? The guy never did appreciate what he had and in the end, he regretted. I hope you're not like that..."

 

Previously he has mentioned that I was mean and evil (using his nickname for me) as in "you're a mean and evil chu" all because I never replied to his texts. And he did say also "Somehow I can't forget you" and followed by a "Dam, I hate you" and earlier on he mentioned something "I would love to hate you but I can't"

 

Yeah...most would say he's stringing me along. But there's possibly more to it than that. Another idea is that he's just uncertain of what he wants. A couple of friends said that maybe he just wants to see to what lengths I would go to win him back - but this I disagree. E said that he's fishing as in "reel me in with the possibilities of getting back and then dropping me".

 

Also, E who knows him best, questions the existence of this 'girlfriend'.

 

Odd..

[ebizdiva]

Hmmmmm... He wants you to be beautiful.

 

That would have been enough for me. You are beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You just are not obviously beautiful to him. So why waste your time talking/texting whatever with somebody who does not find you attractive?

 

I wouldn't give him the time of day to try to figure it out, especially since he's already your ex. Keep moving and don't look back. You'll find somebody who sees exactly how beautiful you are. You deserve better than him.

 

Sharifah

[lizer]

"It was rude and I do take it back. I know what you looked like from day 1 and I don't think you can change"

 

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!

RUN FAR AWAY FROM THIS BOY and never ever ever ever look back.

he is seriously a BOY. not a man.

who says that to people? heartless crude evil selfish.

you need to find your self esteem that he has probably trampled on

and tell him to take a hike.

the man you should be with should think you are the most beautiful woman in the world and desire no one but you. he should never make you feel ugly, ever. dont even humor his conversation anymore. he has to be like 12 years old.

[Weeblie]

He went like "I'm thinking of giving you a chance but it doesn't seem like you want it"

 

LMAO

 

Did he really say that to you? Please tell me you laughed in his face.

Who does he think he is? Brad Pitt? Royalty?

What the heck? What does he want you to do? Jump on one foot and tell him that you'll do whatever he wants? HAH!

 

Then he has the nerve to tell you that you need to change and do this and that so that maybe he'll get back with you?

 

What a loser! NC this idiot! It'll be good for him.

[programmer]

LilBear, I'm disappointed at you. Why do you break NC so often? It leads to nowhere again and again... Haven't you realized it yet...

[ebizdiva]

OMG I didn't realize you were a repeat offender. Why do you keep putting yourself through this. Let go and move on. This man is not worthy of you and you're allowing it. Cut the cord and let go.

 

Sharifah

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Why in the world do you keep responding to this lowlife. He teases you with suggestions of getting back together while having a new girlfriend?? What kind of creepo man is this? Never mind the idiotic comments about changing how you look, all his other comments are so slimy I don't even know why you wouldn't feel like you need a shower after talking to this creep. I get the heebie jeebies just reading about this!

[JadedStar]

Lilbear i'm with those who said they are disappointed in you. Why do you let this little punk creep get into your life again and again? He is disgusting and disrespectful. YOu are fooling yourself with these mindgames you are giving yourself thinking he might want more than he is letting on. COME ON GIRL>

 

This is a disgusting exchange to even read.

 

Previously he has mentioned that I was mean and evil (using his nickname for me) as in "you're a mean and evil chu" all because I never replied to his texts. And he did say also "Somehow I can't forget you" and followed by a "Dam, I hate you" and earlier on he mentioned something "I would love to hate you but I can't"

 

The fact that you are falling for this b.s. even for a second is proof of your incredibly low self esteem. To others reading this with a more objective eye it is extremely obvious what he is up to. So yes, others WILL say he is stringing you along because he is.

 

If he wanted to be with you he'd be with you. He enjoys these games dating that other girl and texting you behind her back. He is a common sort - there are many punks like this around.

 

Are you so low on yourself that you would pine away for a guy who attacks your integrity AND your appearance?

[Hope75]

The good news is that he can only treat you this way and manipulate you and toy with your feelings as long as you maintain contact with him and allow him to do so.

 

How much longer will you put up with this?

[LilBear]

Ok..my ex and our mutual friend went out last night. And our friend confronted him regarding how he's acting with me, how even though things are over between us he still wants to hurt me, with reference to his earlier text, saying "You're mean. You break my heart". This friend asked him why he keeps trying to reel me in and then toss me back into the river. My ex said, this is life, either you hurt people, or people hurt you. And this friend, E, said that he looked angry and hurt and betrayed but tried not to show it, and E said to him, if you want her back, you know what you should do. And my ex said something along these lines "She's lucky I even contact her, after what she did - she knows what she did" and yet he contacts me regularly when I did NC. He really is mad! I understand that I've hurt him badly but this is just ridiculous.

 

And then he texted me "Let me set you straight. I didn't say I wanted to give you a chance. And if you need to tell me something, you don't have to do so through a third party. You can get feedback directly from me."

 

I didn't reply - haven't been replying to his texts in more than 24 hours.

 

It is now clear that he doesn't want to get back together, and all along he's just been teasing me and trying to hurt me. I'm seriously thinking of changing my cell number.

 

NC for me now...JadedStar, programmer..everyone...sorry for disappointing you all...hope you guys can give me strength to stay in NC !

 

Feel free to support me...my msn is email removed

 

Thanks!

[Hope75]

Hey Girl,

 

Yes- you need to change your number now. This guy sounds like an absolute creep and the more energy you give to this the more you are wasting that could be used to move on to bigger and better things.

 

With a philosophy like your ex's he will continue to crash and burn until and unless he wakes up and makes some serious changes.

[LilBear]

I did seriously consider it. But I didn't want him to have the satisfaction knowing that he's got to me (as in successfully hurting me so much that I needed to change my contact). So I will change my number as a last resort.

 

Weird thing is, my ex has invited my sis and my bro to add him in friendster. Odd, in the 3 years of him knowing my sis and my bro, he never wanted to add them in friendster. What the hell is he trying to do to them. Luckily, my siblings had sense enough to block/delete him from their contact lists.

[Hope75]

I did seriously consider it. But I didn't want him to have the satisfaction knowing that he's got to me (as in successfully hurting me so much that I needed to change my contact). So I will change my number as a last resort.

 

Weird thing is, my ex has invited my sis and my bro to add him in friendster. Odd, in the 3 years of him knowing my sis and my bro, he never wanted to add them in friendster. What the hell is he trying to do to them. Luckily, my siblings had sense enough to block/delete him from their contact lists.

 

He's trying to manipulate you.

 

Change your number- it doesn't matter what he thinks and I don't frankly see why you care- the most important thing is that you focus on getting on with your life.

 

Unless you enjoy getting the texts and want to keep tabs on him, and fear losing your last contact/attachment to him.

[Sadukguy]

I have no time for men who want their wfies/gf's to be beautiful. When you met them they were beautiful, they didn't just go ugly. He certainly has an ugly heart.

 

I am trying to get my girlfriend back. Telling her she is beautiful and one in a million is top of my list of things to say.

[JadedStar]

I am trying to get my girlfriend back. Telling her she is beautiful and one in a million is top of my list of things to say.

 

YES this is how a man who cares about a woman tries to get her back.

 

Lilbear i shouldn't have put you disappointed us because it is your life - i only wrote that in an effort to emphatically stress the point how BAD this guy is for you. It is so horrific to see a young girl fall for what are very OBVIOUS manipulation tactics.

 

If you don't force NC and make yourself get over him you will lose any chance of finding that guy who will make you feel GOOD about yourself. A guy like that is out there but not if you are stuck on this clown. And when you find him it will never be more clear how awful this ex really and truly is.

 

We will do everything in our power here to help you with your NC efforts. Just post anytime and if you need some advice or tips, whatever...just ask away!

[LilBear]

Thanks everyone...but the good thing is, after what he said to me last night, I'm certain he won't contact for a long time. Which will make NC easier for me.

 

Obvious manipulation tactics, huh. Why didn't I see that from the start! Geez I need new glasses..

[LilBear]

ay you don't want to give him the satisfaction. BUT you cannot deny that he DOES get to you, can you?

 

No I can't say it does get to me. For now, I think I don't need to change my contact as of yet. I can simply ignore his texts, I know I'm strong enough for any weird texts that come my way. Over here, it is not that easy to register for a new number. It's quite a tedious process, as the government requires us to register our numbers.