Love Someone with a disability

[promise1]

I have a walking disability.

 

It makes me nervous when first dating. Would it concern people.

[wiser]

It might bother me a bit.

[Jackson123]

I dated a guy who also had a walking disability. At first it bothered me because I didn't know why he walked that way. When he told me it was the result of being in a coma when he was younger it about broke my heart and I never thought of it again.

 

I think that if you are open about it then no person will have issue with it. Its when your ignorant to the fact is when there are the problems.

 

Have to agree with ^^^. Get it out there and let the person know. I wouldn't see it as a problem.

 

BTW I have a serious disability and it was never a problem with my Ex.

[Portage]

I think if you are honest upfront, then where lies the problem?? It wouldn't make me lose attraction if the chemistry was present.

 

No way

[ebizdiva]

Somebody who loves you will love you REGARDLESS. People of all sizes, shapes, disabilities find love every day. Don't let your problem stand in your way of finding love. The right person for you won't make it an issue unless you do. You have so much more to offer than how you walk. It could be a positive. If you walk slower you have more time along your walk to smell the roses.

 

Sharifah

[jmantra]

I don't have a walking a disability, but I do have what's called an "invisible disability" (high functioning autism), it's not always apparent but it has dramatically affected my life nonetheless, and has made obtaining certain milestones in my life very difficult and delayed.

 

Not that I have gotten that off my chest, I must say no partner of mine EVER held it against me, and didn;t even take notice half the time. In fact one of partners I met on autisitc support site, she was there cause her former boyfriend had aspergers syndrome.

[Entomon]

I have absolutely no problem with people who have physical disabilities. I once dated a guy in a wheelchair.

[jmantra]

I have absolutely no problem with people who have physical disabilities. I once dated a guy in a wheelchair.

 

 

What about people with other disabilities? See my post above.

[promise1]

My exes have never had a problem with my disability - they have all been great - but it is when approaching new people i worry. Should I worry?

[ebizdiva]

I'm sorry. In your original post you said you had a walking disability. If you've never had this problem in the past why worry about it? Especially since it's been a non-issue thus far.

 

Sharifah

[jmantra]

My exes have never had a problem with my disability - they have all been great - but it is when approaching new people i worry. Should I worry?

 

 

I wouldn't. If they are going to freak out over someone who has a disability and show absolutely no compassion then they are not worth knowing.

[Entomon]

What about people with other disabilities? See my post above.

 

If others have never held it against you - I can assure you that I won't either.

 

Promise1, don't worry about it - you will find that people are a little more compassionate then you think. It's proven to you that your disability has never been an issue to your past girlfriends so why should it be to any future girlfriends?

[jmantra]

If others have never held it against you - I can assure you that I won't either.

 

THe thing is they have, though it was mainly out of ignorance and lack of maturity.

 

Thats good you wouldn;t hold the fact someone has a disability against them.

[Entomon]

If they are going to freak out over someone who has a disability and show absolutely no compassion then they are not worth knowing.

 

Just thought I'd quote you on what you said very well. Don't feed into the ignorance of people who have no compassion for others with physical disabilities. Usually, people like them have an inferiority complex - they need to bring others to their level to feel good.

[tiredofvampires]

This is a really good thread, and I'm interested to see more replies.

 

I find it a little disturbing that the inspiring posts so far seem to be all from women, though (except for you, jman). I do wonder if men have the same level of open-mindedness as the women. I feel like a lot of guys think a hot woman is an active one with a highly-functioning body.

 

I know this concern intimately myself, OP. I am single now, also like jman with an "invisible disability" (fibromyaligia, a pain disorder). No one can see me walking differently (usually), and some even say I look in vibrant health. But my health is very fragile and I am simply paralyzed about going back on the dating market now with this. I have had a couple of very understanding exes, and nearly every guy I've been with has been sympathetic, but then again, I have also had some extremely unsupportive experiences as well. For instance, my most recent ex told me that he couldn't wait to be the one to stand by me for the rest of our lives, so I'd never have to deal with suffering alone again...but in the day-to-day, he treated my needs in a very brutal and unempathic way. This has severely burned me about my viability.

 

Not to go on and on about my story, OP, I know this can't be encouraging. But I do believe there has got to be a right way to go into the dating market with our heads held high. I am not sure how that is. Any thoughts on this, jman? I was going to post a thread nearly exactly like yours recently, but got cold feet. (And instead wrote a thread in Dating merely asking if a woman's income matters that much, since my disability has affected that a lot.) That's how nervous the subject makes me. I've been beating around the bush a bit, even here.

 

So I'd love to hear from others, some more. Especially the guys. Jman, do you think it's possible men have less tolerance for disability than women?

 

I do know I've seen both men and women with partners that have visibly compromised gaits, or bodies, and this always inspires me. But I always wonder if they met before that happened, and just stayed together.

 

I have heard of spectacular stories though -- a film was made by a women in Australia who has cerebral palsy. I met her, and she was dynamic and fun -- but her body was this little crumpled shell and she could only talk through an assistive device. Yet, she had an absolute hunk for a boyfriend (who acted his real-life role in her movie.) I keep thinking, if that is possible, anything is, with love.

 

But I am right along with you, scratching my head and not wanting to try the waters again, OP. I also think I jumped in too fast and with the wrong men, and stayed way too long (past when I knew it was hurting me) because I felt like "damaged goods", and who else would want me? This is no way to live.

[wiser]

I was going out with a woman for 4 months. On our 2nd or 3rd date she informed me that she had both breasts reconstructed after a double mastectomy. I tried not to let it bother me, but I was never able to get past it.

 

I'm sure there are many better men out there than myself that would have little to no problem with it.

[tiredofvampires]

I wouldn't. If they are going to freak out over someone who has a disability and show absolutely no compassion then they are not worth knowing.

 

You sound very confident, good for you!

[Dako]

I think any concerns over disabilities fade when attraction takes over.

I had a major crush on a blind girl when I was a geeky kid. Too bad she wasn't into geeks.

[tiredofvampires]

Dako. Ha ha. That's precious. (sniff sniff)

 

If only They made them all like that.

[tiredofvampires]

I was going out with a woman for 4 months. On our 2nd or 3rd date she informed me that she had both breasts reconstructed after a double mastectomy. I tried not to let it bother me, but I was never able to get past it.

 

I'm sure there are many better men out there than myself that would have little to no problem with it.

 

Wiser, were you attracted to her in all other ways, but then when she told you this, it just ruined it for you?

[wiser]

Wiser, were you attracted to her in all other ways, but then when she told you this, it just ruined it for you?

 

When she told me about it, I figured I could probably handle it. But when we got right down to it, it really bothered me. Especially when she told me that her nipples had to be recreated by pinching a bit of skin at the tip of the breast and tattooing it with ink. I didnt want to look at them. Although I did caress them, even though they were hard as rocks. I asked her if she felt anything when I did, and she said it was more like a "ghost" feeling, sort of as a memory. It really freaked me out.

[tiredofvampires]

Wiser, I guess I'm trying to figure out if you were REALLY attracted to her other than her breasts. Or were you not that fully into her in other ways.

[wiser]

I was into her. If it wasnt for the physical disability as well as the fact that I started dating her way too soon after my marriage ended, we would probably still be together.

[tiredofvampires]

So how did you tell her that you couldn't go on? Did you tell her it was about her breasts?

[wiser]

After about 4 months of us being intimate, during an out of state trip, she finally lifted her shirt and said, "would you look already!".

 

I looked. It wasnt as bad as I thought, but it wasn't a heck of a lot better either.

 

She eventually broke up with me, because in the 4 months we were together, I had a few emotional "meltdowns" and pushed her away, and said i needed a day or two to myself and that I wasnt sure if I was ready to be with another woman...I started dating her immediately after my marriage failed. Way too fast. After putting up with that, and my inability to accept her physical limitations, she finally said through tears that she couldnt do it anymore, and to get my act together and call her in 6 months. She got back in touch with me a few months later but I was already involved with someone else.