Feeling pretty screwed at the moment

[feelingoldat30]

I am sorry that I cannot post a link to my story, but I was dating a 25 year old who had issues with the fact that I was 30, though when he found out, a month into the relationship, he assured me age was just a number and he didn't care about it.

 

Well, we had dinner yesterday and he said, unequivocably, that I was perfect, gorgeous, talented, smart, excited him emotionally and physically, but ... he couldn't get past the age deal and he was upset with himself over it but he had to be honest about it. So that's that. I'd love to chalk it up to the immaturity of one guy, but no guy in his 20s has wanted to touch me, figuratively, with a 10-foot pole since I hit the big 3-0. They let me know I can gladly fulfill their "hot older chick booty call" fantasies, but a real relationship is out of the question. Guys my age are either married or interested in 20-somethings still. On match, I swear I was on there two months and the only nibbles I got were from 50-plus-olds and a couple late-40s. I'm cool with up to a 15-year swing in age upwards, but when it starts to get 20-plus, I don't feel comfortable. I met a couple of the late-40s guys and nothing developed.

 

I know I'm not the only 30 year old in this predicament. I also reasonably know that 30 is far from old and that I probably will not be alone forever and ever, but I am weary of all this. A friend who is a model is two months older than I am and she said her agency encouraged her to lie about her age. She tells everyone she's 25 now and has had no problems and lines of men at her door. Of course, she's a model, but I'm not chopped liver either. But I want someone to love me for ME, not for my birth year. It's frustrating and makes me sad and angry.

 

Sorry for the vent. Our phone conversation was so hopeful and for THIS to be the big issue is very disappointing to me. Oh well. I'll get over it eventually.

[ebizdiva]

Dating is hard in general. You'll find somebody who loves you for you. Just keep trying. There's always a reason why we feel as if there is nobody out there for us. Sometimes we feel as if we can't find somebody because everybody wants somebody thin or everybody wants somebody rich or everybody only wants to date somebody who is college educated but there is somebody out there for you.

 

You don't need to lie about your age. There's somebody out there for everybody. Just keep kissing those frogs and eventually you'll meet your prince!

 

Hope that helps.

 

Sharifah

[annie24]

Dating is hard in general. You'll find somebody who loves you for you. Just keep trying. There's always a reason why we feel as if there is nobody out there for us. Sometimes we feel as if we can't find somebody because everybody wants somebody thin or everybody wants somebody rich or everybody only wants to date somebody who is college educated but there is somebody out there for you.

 

You don't need to lie about your age. There's somebody out there for everybody. Just keep kissing those frogs and eventually you'll meet your prince!

 

Hope that helps.

 

Sharifah

 

i agree.

 

look, if this guy has problems with a 5 year age gap, that is his problem, not yours. 30 is not that old at all, and i'm sorry one guy made you feel that way. i say just get back on match, put up a flattering photo of yourself, and see who comes your way. and keep meeting people in real life. i know plenty of men that would not mind an age gap, especially one as small as 5 years, if they liked the woman.

 

good luck

[feelingoldat30]

Thanks everyone for the kind words and encouragement. I think it's pretty useless to wallow, so I'm hoping to just get all this angst out of my system so I can move onward and upward. A couple of guys tried to pick me up while I was walking to the restaurant where I was meeting my ex, maybe should've chatted up one of them instead! I know the right guy is out there, but the search is really wearying, that's all. But he's not gonna just show up in my apartment (that would be v. disturbing, actually), so I need to shake this off and get moving.

[ebizdiva]

Well, sometimes when we search for something so hard we actually wind up pushing it away. Why not just concentrate on having fun and enjoying yourself? Laugh and fun, come what may and you'll have them knocking down your door to get to you.

 

Sharifah

[annie24]

i think lying about your age is pretty dumb, because eventually they'll find out that you were lying. that's never attractive.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

if someone is going to decide you are 'too old' at 30 and only 5 years older than them, then they are seriously shallow and would dump you later for any other little reason that occurred to them at the time.

 

the world of modelling is about as shallow as it gets, where looks are ALL that is important, so please don't draw any deep comparisons to that or you are missing the point of getting a GOOD relationship, not just any relationship based on looks.

 

get get out there and start having fun! lots of women marry men 10 years younger than them and the men still love them regardless. so your problem isn't an age problem, it is the shallowness of the guy problem.

 

also keep in mind that people give all kinds of weird excuses for breaking up, that frequently have nothing to do with the real reason. perhaps that guy met some woman the night before he wanted to chase, and had to say SOMETHING as an excuse.

 

people who love each other go far deeper than the surface with the love, so go looking for that!

[Lana0120]

I agree with the above posts. Concentrate on being happy and having a good time and don't lie about your age, because eventually you will meet the right person who might be older, younger, or the same age and being 30 won't be an issue at all.

[zipuzappa]

I think I'm the only guy here, but my question is: Are you looking for a younger guy?

I have had much younger gf's and It seems to me that every women that are close to my age seeing me with younger girls, they have sort of been mad at me.

My comment has always been more power to you, if you can be with a younger or who ever that you love just be, I'm not judging you. But why is it so much easier for women to judge an older guy with a younger girls and not the other way around?

Out of a womens perspective if a younger girl leaves the older bf, its acceptable and somehow its encouraged, but if a younger guy leaves a woman, its just shallow?

Correct me if I'm wrong. cause I am hoping to be wrong despite the fact that my experience has shown me the opposite.

[ebizdiva]

It's usually been my experience that it's the older man with the younger woman. I think we all expect that. But I do agree with you, just be happy and to quote the late great Luther Vandross, "Love the one you're with."

 

Sharifah

[Crazyaboutdogs]

We live in a society where it is more acceptable for the guy to be 5 years older than for the woman to be 5 years older. Some men are comfortable with the older woman thing and some men aren't. I have to wonder, though, why did he only find out 1 month into the relationship? Did you know his age before then? I certainly want to know someone's age before I get involved with them. I don't want someone who is much older than I am because they are at a different stage of life. There can be a big difference between 25 and 30 with regards to where you are in life...if he is just starting a career and you are already well into it, for example....that can be a bit of an issue for some men. Perhaps had the age issue come out at the beginning of the relationship, he would have walked away before you got involved, and then you wouldn't have had as much invested. You are only 30...I don't know why you are so upset that twenty-somethings are not interested in you...you are no longer twenty-something...certainly not mid twenties. There are lots of men who are with women only a year or two older than them so I am sure you can still be a good bet for a man who is 28/29. As for the 40 something year olds going after you...there are some men who always try their luck with much younger women...but there are also plenty of men who prefer women their own age. I am sure there are men in the thirty-something age group that would think your age is perfect.

[someguy88]

When I was 24-25 I probably wouldn't have dated someone that was 30. I know that sounds horrible, but it was simply because a few years ago I thought I wanted kids and I'd have them around age 35. The truth is that a lot of women over the age of 35 have fertility problems and the thought of pregnancy after 40 poses a lot more risks.

 

Also, a month isn't really a long enough time to form a real connection imo, so I'd probably get out before I got attached if I still wanted kids and I was in this guys position.

[feelingoldat30]

When I was 24-25 I probably wouldn't have dated someone that was 30. I know that sounds horrible, but it was simply because a few years ago I thought I wanted kids and I'd have them around age 35. The truth is that a lot of women over the age of 35 have fertility problems and the thought of pregnancy after 40 poses a lot more risks.

 

Also, a month isn't really a long enough time to form a real connection imo, so I'd probably get out before I got attached if I still wanted kids and I was in this guys position.

 

That's cool. I completely understand that sentiment, actually. I remember once he talked about wanting to have kids and he said he'd thought maybe by 33 he'd want some and he looked at me and said, "Thank goodness for science, right? It shouldn't be any real big issue if your'e 38, but if it is, we'll have some recourse and if not, we can adopt." I got teary-eyed. But maybe he thought about it and just figured it wasn't worth the hassle, I dunno. But I'd never knock anyone for not wanting to date older/younger than themselves. But I'd rather CAD's scenario - if he thought he couldn't hack it at the beginning, I would have rather him just said "See ya" back then.

[someguy88]

That's cool. I completely understand that sentiment, actually. I remember once he talked about wanting to have kids and he said he'd thought maybe by 33 he'd want some and he looked at me and said, "Thank goodness for science, right? It shouldn't be any real big issue if your'e 38, but if it is, we'll have some recourse and if not, we can adopt." I got teary-eyed. But maybe he thought about it and just figured it wasn't worth the hassle, I dunno. But I'd never knock anyone for not wanting to date older/younger than themselves. But I'd rather CAD's scenario - if he thought he couldn't hack it at the beginning, I would have rather him just said "See ya" back then.

 

Oh, from your initial post I thought your relationship only lasted a month? I can see why you're upset about this and I agree he should have said 'see ya' back then.

[bach]

Im a 28 yo male and would have issues getting involved with a girl 5 years older than me. But thats all because i want kids and if the woman was 33 that doesnt leave a large amount of time if i still want to wait a while (like 2 or 3 years).

 

But feelingoldat30 i would have no prblem with a girl 2 years older than me, so dont stress too much, there are plenty of us single late-20's guys around.

[annie24]

my mom got married again at 63, so if she's not too old, you certainly aren't either.

[BlondGuy]

Wow, thats is probably one of the stupidest reasons for breaking up with somneone Ive ever heard! This guy sounds like a moron.

 

Im 35 so not sure you im in you age group but I wouldnt touch a women who was 25 with a 10 foot pole. My perfect woman would be from 30 to 38 or so.

[buckdawg]

what you're experiencing is natural and i've been through the same crap. it's a humbling thought thinking about starting over again from scratch but like you said, the dude ain't going to come knockin' on your door so you gotta get out there.

 

you got the right attitude, just got to deal with the inital onslaught of emotions and you'll be fine.

[MaNg0s]

I am sorry that he was soo immature about the matter but trust me not all guys are that bad lol. You will find that special someone just keep searching don't give up hope also 30 years old thats not old at all you will find someone.

[sweetharmony]

I went on a date with a 27 year old yesterday and he did not mind the age difference. in fact, he said that older women were more mature than the youngers ones he dated and was ready to settle down and was tired of dating women younger than him. I also have aguy friend who is 26 who was interested in me before we became friends and he tells me all the time he dates 29, 30, 31 yr old women. yeah, it;s harder, but tehre are men out there who don't care about the age. you are young! everyone is different.

 

yes, it's much ahrder on dating sites b/c people filter out the ages...it makes me depressed too. but maybe if you meet someone your age a little older and younger, it won't make a difference. I was freaking out too b/c I am afraid to turn thirty and be alone (not married0. but i'm coming to accept that i will be alone at that age...and hopefully find someone who accepts me for me.