A couple short questions...

[DaXMan]

After realizing my "flaws when dealing with women" here (you don't need to read it): , I have a clearer perspective on what I need to do. Since it's winter break right now (means 3 1/2 weeks off of college), I have time to better prepare myself for second semester. With that in mind, I have a couple short questions I hope you can help me out with:

 

1.) How do I escalate things with women?

I feel I need a bit of help on this one. I have no problems walking up to women and talking to them, but actually going somewhere with the conversation is a bit of a problem. What exactly should I say/do to put a girl in the "mindset" that things will be more intimate (such as at a party)? I'm pretty sure "What's your major?" and "What year are you?" will not be attracting a girl's interest anytime soon lol. As for "more sober" encounters such as in class, what's the best way about moving things along so a girl can hang out with you outside of class? No no no, not asking out - I mean for things such as parties and just, well, hanging out, nothing more?

 

2.) What does swagger really mean, and how do I get it back?

I think I know what swagger means, but I'm not 100% sure of its actual definition (so if you asked me what swagger means, I can't really explain it well). Anyway, despite the fact I wasn't quite the ladies man in high school and had less overall confidence, I did have swagger. I was still a bit self-conscious and overthought things, but I did things my way and had hope in everything. People took notice and I feel I gained respect because of it. Two years later, I'm gradually getting rid of my overthinking/self-conscious ways and I look a lot better physically (I hit the gym a bit), but I feel my swagger is missing. I have a good personality and will talk to anyone, but my eagerness and hope towards women isn't as high right now as it used to be. I don't have a real success to point to, and a lot of the things I do now don't seem to be working - it makes me a bit "gun shy" to try again and again. This affects me away from women too - I don't show the "fire" or the "Eye of the Tiger" that I used to; I need to get that back.

 

3. How can people so easily see I am rather "naive?"

I admit I am rather inexperienced with women, but apparently my friends pick up on it very quickly. For example, I made a couple friends this year at college. Within a semester, they knew I was not real experienced and naive with women, and I didn't say a thing to them. They haven't even seen me with women much. The reason this concerns me is 1.) I'm sure girls pick this up even quicker, and 2.) I'm sick of some of these friends congratulating me over the absolute smallest accomplishment with a girl. It makes me feel like I'm not expected to be able to accomplish anything, and when I do something close to it, they're amazed. In high school, I got along well with most people and never experienced any real conflict, no matter what I did. While this is good, I wish sometimes they treated me more "normally" because it almost appeared they were being fake towards me.

 

These are just some questions I hope you can help me out with. I know some of my posts sound a little repetitive (though this is different), but I'm trying my best to make things work. When I look around, I see everyone else is able to attract and build a real good rapport with atleast one girl, even if it's as good friends (things just click). For whatever reason, I can't make it happen - I mean, I couldn't even get a date for Senior Prom in high school. I know looks are shallow, but I believe I am attractive. I also feel I have a good personality, I can make people laugh, and I try my best to make sure everyone is having a good time.

[ebizdiva]

I think if you get you get your "swagger" back you'll be able to answer questions 1 and 2 yourself.

 

Your swagger is your confidence and it comes out in a lot of different ways. There's nothing more sexy than confidence in my opinion. It is expressed in your walk, your talk, in everything that you do. It tells the World I am here. I have arrived. Stand up and take notice. It's not something that can be faked but it can be something that developes over time.

 

To answer your other questions there is no real way to get something to go from A to Z and if we told you what to say you would be doing nothing but repeating lines. I know it may sound like Mother Wit but be yourself. If you want to be with somebody walk up to them and talk to them. Don't see women as a prize to be won but as another human being who would love the pleasure of your company.

 

Remember, it's not what you say but how you say it. Walk up to her, look her in the eyes and expect her to say yes. Don't leave any room for doubt. Your walk, your facial expression, all send off signals she'll read along time before you speak. So walk tall!

 

I hope that helps at least some.

 

Just my $0.02.

 

Sharifah

[DaXMan]

I hear ya ebizdiva.

 

I think you're right about the confidence, and thanks for helping define "swagger." I realize my confidence lately wavers; I either feel like "I'm the man!" or I feel a bit unsure of myself. When I say I have more confidence now than back in high school, it's because my "I'm the man" confidence swing is stronger than it ever was before.

 

Repeating lines wouldn't necessarily work, but the type of things to say could work. My goal is to move forward with a girl (make something happen), not be stagnated on step one. I don't see women as a "prize", but I would, as you said, like someone who would enjoy my company and we get along really well. Although at college parties, my aims may be just a little bit different lol.

 

I'll also try what you suggested in your last paragraph. Of course there may be a little more to it, but your advice definitely helps.

[ebizdiva]

You're welcome, but again I don't think it comes down to what you say but how you say it. Be honest with a girl. Think about things that the two of you have in common. Do you both go to the same college? Are you both into sports? Do not think about how to move the conversation along but think about getting to know her. What common ground do you share? Above all else girls love guys who can make them smile without being dorks.

 

If you focus more on just having fun, laughing and talking than how to get her into bed (not saying that's what you're thinking) it will go along way towards making her yours.

 

Take care,

 

Sharifah

[DaXMan]

You're welcome, but again I don't think it comes down to what you say but how you say it. Be honest with a girl. Think about things that the two of you have in common. Do you both go to the same college? Are you both into sports? Do not think about how to move the conversation along but think about getting to know her. What common ground do you share? Above all else girls love guys who can make them smile without being dorks.

 

If you focus more on just having fun, laughing and talking than how to get her into bed (not saying that's what you're thinking) it will go along way towards making her yours.

 

Take care,

 

Sharifah

 

Sounds good. As you said, I do tend to care more about what I say rather than how I say it. I will work on delivering with a little more style and being more "smooth" towards women (and somehow I am thriving as a communications major...go figure). I will also stay true to having a real conversation with women and not look too far ahead; I try to do this but get disappointed when things stall or wane out.

 

Just looking at my original post (this is for anyone):

#1 ebizdiva seems to have helped on, but of course if anyone wants to add to it, feel free.

 

#2 Is something only I can control, and as I hang out with my best friends over break and look forward to second semester (easier, more laid back, etc.), I think I am getting my swagger back.

 

#3 hasn't been touched on yet, but it's not the biggest of my concerns here. I am just curious how people pick up on it rather quickly.