Back in contact with my EX...mixed feelings...

[tushboy]

What a journey, from the break up, to my nervous breakdown, to getting bak on my feet, to still clinging on to hope, to EX getting dumped and initiating contact with me.......

 

We've been meeting and talking for a week now, he's quit depressed and in the dumps....says he now knows what I must have felt, but its too late for this line....I think I am being there for him as I am really worried for him, I still love him....but my perspective has changed. He's the one who calls, messages, wants to talk....am the cool cat who's moving on.....Tis feeling of being in contact is just FAB! I am gonna take it one day at a time...and see where it goes.....

[MushroomGod]

Good luck but be weary, if he did it once he'll do it again.

[tushboy]

Yes I know......besides he isn't yet out of his breakup....am juss being a friend to him

[Crows]

Yes I know......besides he isn't yet out of his breakup....am juss being a friend to him

 

Sounds fairly similar to my situation.

 

1.My ex is in a relationship ( apperently)

2. Doesnt' seem to be going very well

3. She seems stressed and a bit unhappy

4.Yet when she talks to me she's trying to be upbeat

5.hints at meeting. and did meet with me once.

[Georgie Grrl]

Just be very, very careful to protect yourself. Becoming an emotional crutch for each other is treading into very dangerous territory... one that has never turned out well in my own personal experiences...

[cristal]

Tush, if he was not dumped, then I would have given you my blessings. I hate to say it, but he is only looking for you to console him and to make him feel lovable.

 

I know it is hard, but please tread carefully and give this a lot of time. Remember, he could still reconcile with his ex. When enough time has passed and he has gotten over his ex, then I will say you can make another go of it.

 

Until then, please stop licking his wounds. If he was still involved with his ex, you would not be hearing from him.

 

Again, tread carefully.

[Zorba]

Tush, if he was not dumped, then I would have given you my blessings. I hate to say it, but he is only looking for you to console him and to make him feel lovable.

I agree, but one well respected poster around here, SuperDave, ended up getting back with his ex under just such circumstances. I would contend his ex would still be an ex if she hadn't been dumped, NC, him improving himself, etc would have counted for nothing(except obviously to himself, which is paramount)

 

I know it is hard, but please tread carefully and give this a lot of time. Remember, he could still reconcile with his ex. When enough time has passed and he has gotten over his ex, then I will say you can make another go of it.

Agreed and the aforementioned SuperDave was very clear about his boundaries, so his reconciliation was successful. That's the trick. You may have an opportunity here and that's fine, but to translate it into an actual mature relationship on it's own merits is completely down to you respecting your own boundaries.

[ebizdiva]

I agree be weary. Not just because he's done it once but often people don't like being alone so they bounce back and forth between exs for years. He may be using as a rebound. Somebody to talk to and who'll give him some attention while he's going through this hard time. You say you love him so that's why you're there for him but why waste your time and energy on somebody who is not worthy of you? ESPECIALLY after a mental breakdown.

 

This man is not healthy for you. He may not be doing anything right now to cause you pain but you know what they tell alcoholics at al-anon? Stay out of bars. That basically means why put yourself in an unhealthy situation just to test your strength? You don't have to communicate with him just because he contacts you. YOU choose to. I think you may be enjoying this FAB feeling but enjoy it for what it's worth. I don't understand how it can feel FAB to communicate with someone who is down and the dumps and depressed. That sure sounds like true love to me.

 

I don't see a future for the two of you but nobody knows what the future holds. I would say allow him some time alone to heal and THEN see where it goes. It might be possible that you might be feeling some sort of pleasure at his pain after all of the pain he caused you.

 

I say let him go.

 

Sharifah

[tushboy]

Yes, I am not a crutch for him to ease his pain out, he'll have to go down that road by himself, coz its too soon for me to be out there for him in more than just a friend's way. . . I am being very very careful with the way I put myself out there. At the same time I don't want to lose out on an opprtunity to reconcile.