Jackson123 Posted December 22, 2007 Share Posted December 22, 2007 First of all congrats to you. I hope everything is better than before. How long were you broken up? How long did NC go before someone made contact? What did you do to win him/her back? Were you the dumper or dumpee? How long did it take? Were they/you involved in another relationship when you started talking about a reconciliation? Thanks Link to comment
Romans8 Posted December 22, 2007 Share Posted December 22, 2007 Good question but i think that most of the people that did get there ex back dont come on here anymore, well not until they split for the same reasons the broke up for in the first place Link to comment
Zorba Posted December 22, 2007 Share Posted December 22, 2007 I've had every one of my exes come back in the past, but I wasn't that in love with most of them so it's hard to say. Actually because I wasn't that in love with them might have been why they came back. That's women for ya. Anyway from what I've seen of a number of people who got back with exes(sucessfully) there were a few patterns that were noticeable. We're talking 5 couples I know personally here(with 3 others I know through friends). So I'll break down what I've seen. How long were you broken up?This varied with the couples, sometimes hugely. One pair were apart for nearly 9 years. The rest of the successful reconciliations were at least a year. How long did NC go before someone made contact?This is where the oft preached NC route goes astray in those couples I know of. None of them went strict NC with each other, maybe a couple of weeks at most. If there was another person involved the amount of contact they had seemed to indicate how likely they were going to get back together. LC seemed to be the norm, sometimes not so limited either. What did you do to win him/her back?They didn't seem to do anything. Nothing obvious at least. They moved on with their lives in practical terms, especially the guys who were dumped. They upped their game in life. They grew a pair and moved forward and the women saw that and figured they would be the guys they would trust a future in. That's mostly(not always) why women dump guys. They just don't see a practical future with them. The guys also were a lot more together emotionally. The women became less needy and one woman dumpee who had piled on a lot of weight in the relationship, got fit and looked better than she ever had. That was the case in two of the male dumpees too. Basically they became more attractive on many levels than they had been Were you the dumper or dumpee?The dumpers in those cases usually made efforts to keep in contact with the dumpees. The dumpers usually made the first move, though not always. One guy, a dumpee , two years later, just asked his ex out for a meal and took it from there. She dropped the rebound guy very soon after that. How long did it take?See above, a year or more. Were they/you involved in another relationship when you started talking about a reconciliation?Every single one of those examples the dumpers left them for someone else. Those kind of relationships I've seen has always broken up in every case, not always going back to an ex either. Now people differ and you can't hope to apply rules to them, but in my experience pretty much every relationship that starts straight after a major love fails. They're rebounds or more accurately described as in betweeny people. They can last for years too, but they have the highest chance of failure in relationships in general. The exceptions are where the major love lasted longer than 5 years and the dumper has left long before they officially leave. Another is where the relationship lasts less than one year. That usually means the love was only hormonal, "in love" and it never translated into something more permanent. Of course it's possible it simply wasn't love in the first place, or only love on one side(which lets face it, isn't love). Common enough. If there was real love in the first place and something came along to screw it up the chances of reconnecting down the line go through the roof. The trick is honestly standing back and seeing if it was real love or just lust with affection thrown in. This may be why not going out with each other for a time and trying others out, puts this actual love into perspective. This stuff depends on age too. Under 25 all bets are off in general as people are figuring themselves out still. AS I said you can't write hard and fast rules, but there are patterns. Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted December 22, 2007 Share Posted December 22, 2007 How long were you broken up? A few months How long did NC go before someone made contact? One month - she contact me (several times actually before I responded) What did you do to win him/her back? (nothing actually - total NC then LC then a few nice emails) Were you the dumper or dumpee? dumpee How long did it take? a few months Were they/you involved in another relationship when you started talking about a reconciliation? A rebound which died rapidly and painfully for her Much to my surprise though, when she wanted back, I discovered that I didn't. Link to comment
auburnslp Posted December 22, 2007 Share Posted December 22, 2007 Just want to say that the post by Zorba was awesome, and dead-on accurate in my experiences as well... Link to comment
Frangipani Posted December 22, 2007 Share Posted December 22, 2007 People have wanted me back too, but only after I had given up on them. One in particular knew I was single and still cared for him, but he never did a thing, even after he dumped his rebound, until I had moved on with with someone else almost a year later. Professed his love, that he had always loved me...sigh. By then I didn't want him back. To begin with i cut him off for 2 months. He didn't care. Never called - nothing. I contacted him first but stayed on friendly terms only. He had a girlfriend at that point anyway. We even travelled overseas as mates some time later. Wasn't until I met someone new that he got really upset. Makes you wonder though...was it a case of wanting what you can't have? My ex-ex, whom I am best friends with, is now engaged to his ex from ten years ago. I think it's a mistake (for reasons I wont discuss here) but I have wished him well. I just wish that someone I actually WANTED to come back when I still had feelings for them would do so, not after the fact. Link to comment
thinkstoohard Posted December 22, 2007 Share Posted December 22, 2007 They didn't seem to do anything. Nothing obvious at least. They moved on with their lives in practical terms, especially the guys who were dumped. They upped their game in life. They grew a pair and moved forward and the women saw that and figured they would be the guys they would trust a future in. That's mostly(not always) why women dump guys. They just don't see a practical future with them. The guys also were a lot more together emotionally. QUOTE] Boy I guess my letter might have really screwed any chances! Haha Link to comment
Jackson123 Posted December 22, 2007 Author Share Posted December 22, 2007 Thanks Zorba. That helped. This was a 2 year relationship with real love and future plans. I was the one that moved out last June but it wasn't onto someone else. There hasn't been anyone else either. This line you wrote hit really close to home "If there was real love in the first place and something came along to screw it up the chances of reconnecting down the line go through the roof". Not sure if it hit in a good way or bad way. Regardless I am trying to move on with my life She's been involved with someone else for about 3 months and says she's happy. I hope she is. Link to comment
Trishcpht Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 Hi, I just got back together with my ex that I had been with 3 1/2 years at the point we broke up. How long were you broken up? 3 weeks How long did NC go before someone made contact? It was never but a few days apart, maybe a week that I didn't make some contact due to money he owed me for bills. What did you do to win him/her back? Started talking to another guy, and just was there to my then ex as a friend, and went on with my life, and he saw that the person he left me for wasn't all she was cracked up to be and she was nothing but a way to waste time. I really didn't do much of anything to "win" him back, he just realized the mistake he had made. Were you the dumper or dumpee? dumpee How long did it take? He says that by 2 days later he was already regretting it but was too stubborn at that point to really admit it to me, and at that point I had came to his job (he works 3rd shift) and he was pretty ugly to me but wanted me to follow him home on his 2am break to get the Xbox game that needed to be returned to Blockbuster, and recently when I asked him why this was and he told me, one he didn't know I had tried to contact him that whole day (she had blocked me from texting his phone and intercepted my voicemails), and that's why he got sorta ugly, and that he wanted me to follow him home so he could talk to me alone. Were they/you involved in another relationship when you started talking about a reconciliation? He was involved with the woman he basically left me for, and I had just started talking to this great guy, and had gone out on one date, when my ex and I started back talking. All in all my story is that I called to remind him our cell phone bill was due and he was at work but we ended up talking nearly the whole night and he was crying and saying he was sorry and wanted me back and would do whatever he had to to get me back and keep me, and so far he's been true to his word. He's kept every promise he made and is being very caring and understanding. Link to comment
xxfitchick Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 Hey there, my boyfriend and I have been back together for a little over a week now =) How long were you broken up? we were on a "break" for 6 weeks How long did NC go before someone made contact? we did LC... NC wasn't really necessary in my case What did you do to win him/her back? I TRULY changed my negative behaviors, I showed him I could change through actions without saying anything about it. I made him do all of the contacting, but I was never cold or rude. I gave him exactly what he wanted... he wanted "space" and "freedom", I gave it to him, and he picked me. I improved other aspects of my life: finished the semester strong, worked out a ton, went tanning, got my hair done, contacted old friends, partied more ect... Were you the dumper or dumpee? dumpee How long did it take? 6 weeks, although we were planning on getting back together "eventually" from the start Were they/you involved in another relationship when you started talking about a reconciliation? no, the break was not about seeing other people in our case. hope that helps, let me know if you have ANY questions or just need to talk. I was a WRECK for those six weeks and this site helped me a lot! Link to comment
Jackson123 Posted December 23, 2007 Author Share Posted December 23, 2007 I walked out in early June LC for the first 6 weeks to 2 months. She meets someone in early October. Insists it's not a rebound NC until 8 November LC-lots of contact until 9 December She calls and emails when they fight Blow off email 15 December. What a slap in the face! NC since! It's been very difficult but haven't called or emailed. Whats the use? A part of me thinks she was thinking with her head and not her heart. I hope not! I wonder if she ever thinks of me? I'm trying to give up hope on a reconciliation. I'm trying to let her go and move on. Link to comment
Zorba Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 The new guy may or may not be a rebound. If they leave and go straight to another then it's a rebound. There was a gap of a few months so it's hard to say. If nothing else she'll give this guy the benefit of the doubt for the moment. Link to comment
Jackson123 Posted December 24, 2007 Author Share Posted December 24, 2007 If nothing else she'll give this guy the benefit of the doubt for the moment. That is definitely the case!](*,) Link to comment
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