what do I do

[blackrivermaiden]

my ex boyfriend is coming to see his step daughter to give her x-mas present this week ,its fine that he comes and shows her he still loves her and cares about her ( he was supposed to adopt her) but I still love him and want our family back and every time I see him I cry and can't look at him cause it hurts too much .

He is seeing another women but I know he still has some feelings for me but he has said that he won't try again right now so I asked him is this forever that we will never get back and all he said was I don't know what the future holds. I don't know if I should be here when he shows up to see my daughter ?

any advice would be nice

thank you for your time

[Angel_baby]

I'm sorry you had to go through the pain of a break up. Of course it going to hurt to see him again knowing you can't be with him. How long ago has it been since you two separated?

 

I know you love him and want to have it like it was "before". But the reality is that most likely it isn't going to happen. He is moving on with his life and having you as a possible "back up" if things don't work out with him and dating.

 

Start getting out of the house more and get more socially active in things. Gradually you will be able to start moving on with your life and start feeling happier about it to.

 

About being there when he gives the present... it really depends on you. If you feel like you can't handle it then no, it will just cause you more emotional damage then needed.

[blackrivermaiden]

thank you for getting back to me , It has been since April/2007 but due to a dying best friend of ours we have been in contact until this 2 month after our friend died of cancer. I have never felt this feeling with anyone .I know I should just move on but for some reason I can't. we were soul mates , we could talk about anything or nothing we knew what the other would say ,its just so hard right now with x-mas coming and we got together at this time 3 yrs ago ,I'm still not sure what to do about being here when he comes to see my daughter. I want to see him soo badly but I know I will start to cry .

[Angel_baby]

At this point seeing him will make things even harder for you to try to move on. I really think you should try the best you can at no contact. It will be hard but in the long run will defiantly make for you to heal from this break up better.

 

The grass got greener for him it sounds like. Maybe one day he will realize he made a mistake. But do you really want to wait for who knows how long... even years?

 

It hurts now and always will to a degree. But it won't be like it was in the past. You will always love him, you have spent time into this relationship.

 

But as much as it feels impossible now, but it isn't. *hugs* All of us here on ENA are here for you when you feel weak. Holidays always can be rough as it brings up all the memories.

 

Best thing at this point for you is to get involved in activities and keep busy. You have 2 choices, You can live in the past or you can live for tomorrow. You are still so young and I am sure you have things that you have always wanted to do or try.

 

I want to let you know if you ever need someone to vent/cry/yell/ramble to, just send me a message ok?

[blackrivermaiden]

thanks hun if you need a shoulder I'm here too

[Angel_baby]

Aww thanks blackrivermaiden.

 

Remember it is always darker before the dawn. You find out at times like these that you are stronger then you ever thought you were.

[blackrivermaiden]

Yes hun and once in a while we should all take the positive we give to people and send it back to ourselves cause we need it too

[Angel_baby]

That is so very true, sometimes it is harder to be there for yourself then for others. I find this site to be a wonderful place with a lot of caring people on it. It is a great place to let it out when needed.

[blackrivermaiden]

yes I have seen that with you . and I thank you

I have seen alot of people look at my posts but never respond .I guess maybe nobody can answer this but me

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i think if he has moved on to another woman, he should not always have the door open to you! it is only confusing to your daughter to have this guy drop back into her life very rarely and watch her mother be upset and cry.

 

it would be far, far healthier for you to close the door on this and start looking for a man who can REALLY be there for you and your daughter, rather than just a shadow of a former relationship.

 

that is healthiest for both you and her. so please move on, and don't keep pining for someone who may not come back. as long as he knows there is an open door, there is no incentive for him to make up his mind and come back to you. so close the door and move on, and let him know you are going to find someone who's around all the time, not just with presents to soothe his own guilt.