mother hates me. trust issues.

[KitKat123]

So I naturally have trust issues or rejection issues. I'm not sure which. Maybe I'm just insecure, I don't know. But I act differently around my bf and my best friends, like Im more boring and just not myself around my boyfriend (of 1 year and 5 months) and when I'm with my friends it's just all laughs and fun. My boyfriend is giving me a hard time because he knows I have a fun side I just dont show it to him. And personally I don't like the fact that he hangs out with his female friends a lot and sometimes it just feels like we have sex in common, but I know there's more. I just have a problem with opening up, I've been like this all my life.

 

Secondly, his mother hates me because I got pregnant (and lost it unfortunately). She calls me a * * * * * and gives me no respect at all when I've always respected her. She tries to blot me out of the picture by trying to replace me with one of trevor's female friends. Everything makes me nervous and it just pisses me off. I know it shouldn't bug me as much but it really gets under my skin.

 

Words of advice would be nice lol

[yokohama_mama]

Maybe when you're with your female friends you are having fun, and when you're with him you're not so much? Maybe you're uncomfortable with him because of all his female friends that he hangs with, or on guard because his mother doesn't like you?

 

I don't think you necessarily have "issues", it sounds like you're having a normal reaction to the situation.

 

One of the things I love most about my husband is that I can fully be myself with him, the same self that I am when I'm with my friends. I wouldn't settle for less than that.

[KitKat123]

Maybe when you're with your female friends you are having fun, and when you're with him you're not so much? Maybe you're uncomfortable with him because of all his female friends that he hangs with, or on guard because his mother doesn't like you?

 

I don't think you necessarily have "issues", it sounds like you're having a normal reaction to the situation.

 

My guard is up. Its up with everyone but I really dont want him to think I'm not the girl he fell for anymore and I dont wanna end up pushing him away cuz I cant act like myself most of the time.

[yokohama_mama]

So is he still the guy who you fell for? And why is your guard up with everyone?

[KitKat123]

So is he still the guy who you fell for? And why is your guard up with everyone?

 

He's gotten more serious and relaxed around other females more than when we first met, but basically yes he's the same guy. Because I was always scared of rejection when I was growing up and I've been hurt so many times in different aspects of my life that I just boxed myself in.

[Poe]

I'm a guy and I tend to have that effect while in relationships. I'm usually pretty uptight and serious, it takes ALOT for me to relax and have a good time. I'm trying to deal with it better, but I know it's been a lament in my recent relationships that the girl I have been with probably couldn't relax and just kick back. I'm easy enough to open up to and talk with, but sometimes you don't want to talk, you want to forget about life for awhile? Hanging out with someone who is serious and doesn't relax makes that difficult.

[ebizdiva]

I wouldn't even know where to start. I think my main question would be what age range are you in? As we got older our mate's parents opinion MAY become less important. What his Mother thinks of you seems to be very important to you. How important is it to him? Was it common knowledge that you were pregnant or is this something he shared with his Mother? Did he tell you that his Mother called you a you know what? You may not be able to have fun around him because you may not trust that you can be yourself and that the information that you share with him stays strictly between the two of you and not the three of you.

 

You also say that you are less fun around him? How does he express or try to get you to be more fun with him? If a person is constantly telling you to have fun or to relax it's kind of hard to have fun and relax. There seems to be a lot of walls up with him that shouldn't be there, especially after being together for over a year. I think you are seeing serious warning signs and signals that you really should pay attention to.

 

Just my $0.02.

 

Sharifah

[yokohama_mama]

I don't know, it just seems to me that this might not be the right place to be, if you feel like you need to change yourself - and it doesn't sound like you're doing anything obnoxious that ought to be changed - to hang on to him.

[ghost69]

sounds like you are changing and the relationship is a bit dull to you know. but you don't want to break it off cause he is a great guy. maybe this is why you feel like you are acting different. just a guess, are you around 20-24?

[KitKat123]

I think the reason why I clam up around him is because mainly he gets frustrated sometimes, because when he's just cool about things I can be myself, but once he points out something that's when I start to have an attitude. I also freak out sometimes with his female friends because I've never met them. If I met them, I wouldnt act like a little kid sometimes.

 

What his mom thinks isn't you know, the source of life for me. I'm not so insecure that I can't handle someone judging me. But it's the fact that, it's his mother who has influence on him, you know? And secondly, A LOT of people gave me attitude about getting pregnant. My best friend dumped me, some of my other friends didnt know how to act around me at first, my parents attacked me every chance they got or ignored me (they want me to have a baby once I've had a career for 10 years and they mainly don't like the fact that my boyfriend is from a "ghetto" neighborhood and isn't a frickin character from The Great Gatsby basically), me losing the baby affected my boyfriend deeply and he's been slightly different ever since. It's like, I'm so tired of being judged for this one thing and what pisses me off the most is that people like his mom think I don't care about what happened. He told his family that I was pregnant and that I lost it by the way. All I know how to do is lay on my back according to his mother, the woman who I've done nothing but respected since day one. It's just finally got to me I guess.

 

One of my friends, David says that I should give her a taste of her own medicine basically, but I think I'm above that and so I don't really want to just cuss her out or anything because I'm better than her in that aspect. But now I just avoid her and that makes me feel like a kicked puppy, like it feels pathetic. But I really don't want to face her rudeness and having a conversation with her is out the door.