Need some quick advice

[therivah]

Hey everyone,

 

Not a very dramatic or exciting situation here... but I have been in a really good relationship for the past year, we were friends before that. From the very moment I saw him I knew we would be close, I was intrigued. The only other person I've felt this for was a fellow a few years back, his name was Paul. I met Paul during a very precarious time in my life, when I was basically in a relationship with someone else, and very young. We were at two different points in our lives, and although we spent some amazing time together I was not emotionally available and he was my complete opposite. I've been thinking recently however, after doing some reading, that he was my "twin" soulmate. I cannot explain it, but we really did just fit on the most intimate level despite being very different in personality type. It was very much a timing issue. I just knew from the second I saw him that we were "meant to be close". Anyway, so fast forward... 23 now, and in good healthy relationship with one of my best friends. I know that I have a tendency to "flee" emotionally from my relationships due to committment issues, but am just wondering if I can send this Paul guy an e-mail? This would probably be very inconsiderate of me towards my boyfriend, correct? I know Paul is somewhere way far away (In Canada) and I just want to see how he is doing. I feel like he may have been one of those people who comes into your life very quickly and effects you very deeply, and it's taken me years to actually feel those effects. Wanting to check in with him, and nothing more... but I don't want to go down that road emotionally, have you guys ever encountered a little dillema like this? Wanting to contact "the one who got away" for innocent purposes (you tell yourself)?

[Sully]

I have a few people that i dated or was close with in my past that I would love to know how they are.

 

I choose not to do anything with that out of respect for my husband.

 

On a side note...I just met one of those people's wife. Actually I have known her for a few months, but just found out she was married to one of my closest friends from 8-12th grade. We kept in touch until he married this girl and she was too jealous so we chose to not keep in touch out of respect for her. Now I know her...how ironic is that?

[Georgie Grrl]

I think everyone's situation is different, but I did look up an ex-boyfriend last year. We were each other's first real love and we've always had some kind of connection. I hadn't actually seen him in well over a decade, so I wasn't sure what to expect. I really felt the need to check in and see how he was doing.

 

We now correspond regularly over the internet and have occasionally phone calls. He's in a mostly happy marriage w/ children and lives in another state, so perhaps it's easier for us because nothing inappropriate can happen because of the distance. It has been wonderful reconnecting and finding that friend that I lost. That said, we do still have a strong connection and I am very happy he lives so far away so that the temptation is removed, you know?

 

I guess you need to think about your motivation for reaching out to this person.

[ghost69]

don't do it. you don't want to do this unless you are single. would you want your man doing this? i think not. what if Paul says, hey i've been trying to contact you. i've missed you, blah blah. i think we should date. then what?