Apotter Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 I'm 28, gay, as is my other 19 yo brother. We have another 2 male siblings - 30 and 8... I'm gay since i remember I exist, so is my brother, according to him. Few years ago I found out he's gay while he had no clue about me. We are both out of the closet now. My brother is jumping on me, he's saying it's fine, he loves me and all, and we shouldn't feel bad about it... I'm not afraid of what he's doing, I'm afraid that one day I may not resist. I'm not looking so much for an advice on the situation here.. I'm looking for someone with similar experiences... well, I'd love to hear your opinion about this, but please avoid the "it's disgusting" issue. Cuz, trust me, at first it looked like disgusting to me, but with the years it changes little by little. And it's scary. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 Hi. While it's probably comforting that the 2 of you have your sexuality in common, it's a very bad idea to turn a family relationship into a sexual relationship. I assume that as a gay male, it must be harder to find a partner out there (you can't tell right away who is "gay" who is not-, who will accept you, etc.) but trust me, you do not have to resort to your own brother! I think your reasons for even thinking about this is that you are sexually frustrated and you feel like your options are limited. But they are not. Now that you are out of the closet, you need to get out there into the gay community and start dating. If your brother continues to make sexual advances toward you, you should suggest that he go to a counselor, specifically one who specializes in issues of sexuality. Your brother is turning to you because you are his older sibling, and for some reason, to him it feels "safe". But this is very emotionally dangerous for both of you. BellaDonna Link to comment
Kiwi_Sweet Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 If you don't mind me asking. Did you guys grow up in the same household? I just think it's a bit odd that you are both "gay". Were you sexually abused as a child? Link to comment
Apotter Posted December 21, 2007 Author Share Posted December 21, 2007 Thanks for the quick reply.. But to be honest, we both love our boyfriends. It's just that sometimes we feel that whatever happens in "the other life" back home we are together, and we will always be family, without making an efford. As u say, yes, it feels safe. DAMN SAFE! That's where it gets ominous. I don't know. He likes my boyfriend, I like his (it's all friendly), we go out together, have fun, movies, parties, hanging out a lot of our 3463475 straight friends that just adore us, but at home, he changes. EDIT: I live with him. Just the two of us. Second Edit: We were never abused. We had a great childhood. Happy kids and everything, awesome parents. Never played with dolls, except for our elder brother, who turned out to be the straightest man ever. BTW, whats so weird about 2 gay guys out of 4? After all every 3-4 out of 10 males are either gay or bi. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 If you don't mind me asking. Did you guys grow up in the same household? I just think it's a bit odd that you are both "gay". Were you sexually abused as a child? Sexual abuse would not make someone homosexual. Although I see your point that incest/abuse as a child could potentially cause family members to think that sex with another family member is not inappropriate. Link to comment
Kiwi_Sweet Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 I think you have a point here BellaDonna. To the other person, you DO have other options. Now that you are out of the closet, you need to start doing things as a "gay" man. Before you came clean, society didn't view you as being a homosexual. Now that you are, you need to get comfortable living in your shoes. I think it would be flatout WRONG of you to even consider sleeping with your own sibling. You are the older person here, so YOU need to put a STOP to this. If you go through with this, you will feel REALLY BAD and I don't think you will be able to forgive yourself. Not to mention that this will affect your future relationships with people. Link to comment
Kiwi_Sweet Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you, but I was just wondering? Link to comment
Apotter Posted December 21, 2007 Author Share Posted December 21, 2007 That's how i feel about him too. And i do have gay life since i was 11 lol.. the fact that i was closeted doesnt mean i was dead. But i found out about him like 2 years ago.. and he is so much into "you are my hero, bro", and i cant go on forever to fight with him. He's my brother and i'm not gonna make that "our" thing a family issue, just to make him stop. I need other solutions. Link to comment
Atticus90 Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 Are your reasons for thinking your gay valid? Who knows, you could be bi? They have gay bars out there. dateing websites for gays and all those other things out there. You shouldn't resort to incest though. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 and he is so much into "you are my hero, bro", and i cant go on forever to fight with him. Well he is only 19- he can't make you do anything you do not want to do. If you feel that you are a responsible adult and older sibling- sternly tell him that his advances are not appropriate, they make you feel uncomfortable, and they are not healthy. The solution is to turn him down sternly. Link to comment
rocio Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 It's not a crime to sleep with your brother. If that's what you both want and you're ready to accept any changes in your relationship that might result, then go ahead. Link to comment
Apotter Posted December 21, 2007 Author Share Posted December 21, 2007 Are your reasons for thinking your gay valid? Who knows, you could be bi? They have gay bars out there. dateing websites for gays and all those other things out there. You shouldn't resort to incest though. How many times do i have to tell that I AM having a boyfriend that I am with for the last 2 years? And that my brother's into a steady relationship too? I need no gay bars, im actually fed up with them and all the dating sites, irc channels and "friendly" websites. It's just that, no matter how happy we are with our bfs, my brother constantly seeks for a relationship with me. I love my brother. He's my brother lol. There is no way I go rough with him, hence my confusion and being helpless. Well he is only 19- he can't make you do anything you do not want to do. If you feel that you are a responsible adult and older sibling- sternly tell him that his advances are not appropriate, they make you feel uncomfortable, and they are not healthy. The solution is to turn him down sternly. Yeah, I bet every woman and every man on Earth managed to do that even in simplier situations. When it comes to feelings, it aint that easy. Especially when one (me) is about to quit thinking about his brother as such very soon. Link to comment
flower99 Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 my question is how would your boyfriend feel about this? And your brothers boyfriend? because you would be cheating on them... so which relationship are you wanting to persue...do you see a future in? Link to comment
lukeb Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 I have a gay brother and I'm gay when I found out that my brother was gay we were sharing an appartment and going to the same university. I had accidentally discovered some magazinesof his. Anyways he's the first one I came out to and when I tried to talk to him about it it didn't go over well. He got really flushed and rushed out of the appartment, it was years when we talked about it again. We're totally out to one another now, but unfortunately we're not close, I wish we were. What I mean is we're not really close as friends. I guess I'm the other end of the extreme. Link to comment
lukeb Posted December 22, 2007 Share Posted December 22, 2007 It's not a crime to sleep with your brother. If that's what you both want and you're ready to accept any changes in your relationship that might result, then go ahead. I can't see a possible reason why anyone would go for it. You can't possibly be prepared how it would mess up your relationships with your partners, and your siblings. This could only end up badly.... for everyone invovled. Link to comment
girl friend Posted December 22, 2007 Share Posted December 22, 2007 It's not a crime to sleep with your brother. If that's what you both want and you're ready to accept any changes in your relationship that might result, then go ahead. Actually, i think it is. And its not unusual for being gay to 'run in the family.' Studies show that in families with several sons, the later born sons are far more likely to be gay statistically, something to do with less testosterone in the womb. Also the gay gene theory... Link to comment
lukeb Posted December 22, 2007 Share Posted December 22, 2007 I really don't believe whether or not something is illegal should be used as a moral guide. It may not be legal everywhere, there are even some southern states in the US where it is illegal to have gay sex. Legality and morality are not the same thing. I guess the question is, would you feel right about doing something like this? As for the running in the family theory, well that is a whole other issue. Link to comment
FoxLocke Posted December 25, 2007 Share Posted December 25, 2007 Concidentally, I have three older brothers(very old. The youngest one is 42) and I'm gay. I think my second oldest brother might be gay as well...He is so vehemently homophobic that he is starting to look suspect. Link to comment
kadvati79 Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 Boy this is a hard thread to give advice too. Sexual attraction isnt necessarily bound by morality, so I believe that feeling attraction to a family member (while not something I have ever experienced) is quite plausible. I think having sexual knowledge of a close family member is not something I would want. Link to comment
bear12 Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 looking for similar experiences, huh? well, you might be a bit hard pressed for that given the fact that there probably aren't all that many gay siblings out there (relatively speaking) let alone those who are sexually attracted to each other. but with that said, there is somone on this forum insterested in his (female) cousin, which is sort of along the same lines! so maybe you could look him up if you need someone to talk to... in any case, it seems pretty clear to me that you don't actually want to sleep with your brother but are scared by the temptation. have you actually had a conversation with him about this? i think it's kind of unfair for him to keep pushing the issue when it's something you've stated you don't want. and, btw, i'm really not trying to start anything here, but if any more people suggest that he's not really gay but just confused or abused or whatever, i'm going to start getting really annoyed!!! Link to comment
girl friend Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 and, btw, i'm really not trying to start anything here, but if any more people suggest that he's not really gay but just confused or abused or whatever, i'm going to start getting really annoyed!!! Lol you've got a point there!. You reckon childhood abuse can alter your adult sexuality tho? Seriously Link to comment
jon 13 Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 Lol you've got a point there!. You reckon childhood abuse can alter your adult sexuality tho? Seriously not when the idea comes from homophobes Link to comment
lukeb Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 we've gone way off topic Link to comment
girl friend Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 No but seriously, that question has intruiged me. I mean, more than one 'bisexual' friend has said that if u have a neg experience of men, it makes u more into women, and vias versa. So... could childhood abuse change someone's seuxality altogether?? I'm searching for my own answers as much as anything else. Link to comment
someguy88 Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 It sounds to me like you really want to screw your brother. At age 19 your brother is technically a man, but really he's just a kid. I really think you need to tell him to cut that crap out of his head because you're never going to sleep with him. If you're having trouble resisting his advances just think of how your other brothers and your parents would feel if they knew what was going on. Your brother wants more than just sex from you and he's obviously got some emotional baggage he needs to deal with seeing that you're the object of his affection. It would be flat out wrong for you to take advantage of his vulnerability. He feels safe with you now, but if you enter into a sexual relationship with him, it's going to lead to a whole lot of hurt for the both of you. Sex will only complicate what's already a tumultuous situation. I hate to be harsh, but if you can't control your libido at this age you really need to take a look at yourself. good luck Link to comment
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