Everything Doesn't Always Work!

[Jedi Bartender]

Back in June I posted a story simalar to many of the posts i've read here. About sleeping with my best friend and about how it was what I always wanted, be careful what you wish for. You can find the whole story on page 17 under ended up sleeping with best friend, mistake? That was 4 months ago. Well we ended up a full on couple and I was the happiest i've been in years! As I said when you get what you wish for, then what? It was quite an overwhelming thing. She is a gourgeous,educated,professional, women who knows what she wants in life and strives for perfection daily. I, well i'm a bartender with a depression and alcohol problem, who's biggest goal is...wait a minute I never had any. We were perfect for each other. When we were friends things were great! We would talk for hours, analyze the world, laugh, and try to help each other through the inconvience of life. When we became a couple the analyzation turned to each other and I believe that we became each others biggest inconvience in life. We recently broke up. I had forgotten just how much that hurt. The worst part is wondering what could have been. Could I have been a better person? Could she have been more understanding? Should either one of us have had to change? She would always tell me that I couldn't be that guy! The guy that she needed as her partner in life. I pressed on telling her to give me a chance. When I finally heard the words my boyfriend come from her mouth as she looked at me I stopped being myself and tried to play a role. I should have known better than to think I was up for the part. All she ever did was try to make me a better person but in her own demmanding way. I needed to be the stronger person, to help her through her own imperfections. To bring a sense of balance and emotional security. Well i'm not a shrink, I don't wear a tie to work, and her father would never approve of me. How could this possibly work? It didn't! We all forget that our significant other should effortlesly make us a better person. Not that a relationship doesn't take effort, but that it shouldn't become a chore. We could all use a little change, but you can't become someones doll. A opinionless poseable pet that gets no respect, only a reward if your good. I do believe we are in love, but cannot be together. Love is a strange thing! We can't control who we fall in love with or when that changes. Respect yourself and be proud of the person you are! Afterall there must have been something about you that got their attention in the first place. As i've been feeling miserable for about a week i've been trying to boost up my own self esteem. I wanted to remind all of you to stay true to yourself! There isn't an answer to every question regarding your heart. God i'm going to miss her! But i will get out there and get back that feeling I had the first time I kissed her! Good Luck!

[fortyperiwinkles]

it amazes me that you can make a change like that for someone you love... and i'm also amazed by the way you're ready to move on! you've got a grip on things and you're looking forwards, not back... i really admire that.