trouble?

[confused9]

i started dating this man about 3 weeks ago. he's called me every day, seen me almost every day. kisses me, brings me sweet things, basically he's adorable. and i adore him! anytime i have any doubts about his intentions, he seems to pull through and is amazing.

 

but last night we were making out and he said something to me that made me step back. he told me he wanted me to know that he's "trouble." i asked him what he meant. is he sketchy? he said no, not at all, he's very honest. he said he felt like he was "flighty." i asked him for more info, and i joked around with him about it last night and into the morning. i told him i think i understood. after my last long relationship, i could not sit still for a long time, like constantly dating multiple people at once, not sure what i wanted.

 

i really like this guy. i realize i can't change someone. but i just don't know what to do. he's the first guys i've been really excited about in years.

 

when we left each other this morning, he said he's give me a call after christmas. i thought that was a bit odd since he'd been calling me every day otherwise. i just gave him a hug and said ok. i don't want to freak him out.

[ghost69]

wow, he didn't even explain why a call AFTER xmas? that seems weird.

[Veroni]

He is showing you who he is....Believe him.

[confused9]

well, he says that. and he just called me. ? waht do i make of that?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Yes, believe him when he says he is trouble...sweet talking guy who runs full speed ahead into relationships and does the wooing by sweet words and gifts...yep, that is how the trouble guys usually start. Then they back off, mess with your head (like he is already doing). If I were you I would back away and don't get your heart involved. He did the over the top wooing to get you to fall for him...that is the way these kind of men operate. You have only known this man three weeks and he is showering you with flowery words and gifts. RED FLAGS galore.

[tangi39]

I find it a bit odd that a man would say that right away then very boldly say he would call you after the holiday.

Not to be a downer, but is it possible he may be involved with someone else ? I can't see the reason why he wouldn't call you on a holiday even for a little after having called every day.

I know you really like him, but I would proceed with Extreme caution.

Maybe you should try to call him on Christmas and see his reaction.

 

 

Good Luck !

[ghost69]

if i was that busy i'd say 'i probably won't be able to call you until after the holidays. i have family over, gotta work, do shopping, etc.' but not jsut 'i'll call you after xmas. well, cya.' just weird.

[confused9]

well, we actually went to high school together, so i've known him a while. and i know most of hte people who he's going to hang out with at christmas. he said he'd call me after, but i know he's goign to call me during. i think he sensed my caution once he said that, i definitely pulled away fast.

 

no, i don't think he's involved with someone else. i've met all his roommates, an a lot of his coworkers and his friends outside of work. theyve all been nothing but nice. and when we go out, he sort of puts me at the center, everyone knows we're together.

 

i think you are right. proceed with extreme caution.

should i date other people? i don't want to at all. but it might help protect my heart?

[free2Bme]

No I don't think dating other people is the answer.

 

To me it sounds like he does think a lot of you, he is proud to have you with him when you guys go out with his friends. Maybe he is scared how quickly things are moving with you too, and is protecting HIS heart! lol. It's funny how we end up second guessing our partners isn't it?

 

Seriously, don't put ALL your hopes on it, but don't rule it out all together. Plus the fact that he did call you pretty quickly, when he said he wouldn't til after xmas, I think he wanted you to know he was thinking of you and he does care

 

Also, if you have known him since school, surely you must have an idea as to whether he is 'trouble' or not?

[jettison]

Yes, believe him when he says he is trouble...sweet talking guy who runs full speed ahead into relationships and does the wooing by sweet words and gifts...yep, that is how the trouble guys usually start. Then they back off, mess with your head (like he is already doing). If I were you I would back away and don't get your heart involved. He did the over the top wooing to get you to fall for him...that is the way these kind of men operate. You have only known this man three weeks and he is showering you with flowery words and gifts. RED FLAGS galore.

 

You give a lot of great advice CAD, but I really don't think that this is one of those times. Some women get waaaay too carried away looking for the not very elusive "red flag of disaster". They take the whole "where there's smoke, there's fire" thing way too far, and eventually, they think they're running from an inferno when the guy is really just burning incense.

 

If you don't risk your heart, and don't risk your trust, then this guy will clue in on that and do the exact same thing to you. He'll tell himself that he sees red flags, that you can't be trusted, and then he'll back away. One person can't expect to back away and then have the other person just ignore it.

 

The guy said, "I'm trouble", but that can mean a lot. When you first start dating someone new, you're having amazing sex, you're feeling new, reborn, and adventurous, reckless even, then that's kind of how you feel. You feel like Trouble (yes, with a capital "T"). So maybe he's just kind of feeding on that, and thinking back to his past, about the other times when he rushed into something romantic and passionate. I'm not saying that this is what's going on, but a few words about trouble shouldn't immediately cause someone to back off and save themselves. It's not a run for the hills comment.

[Frangipani]

Yes, believe him when he says he is trouble...sweet talking guy who runs full speed ahead into relationships and does the wooing by sweet words and gifts...yep, that is how the trouble guys usually start. Then they back off, mess with your head (like he is already doing). If I were you I would back away and don't get your heart involved. He did the over the top wooing to get you to fall for him...that is the way these kind of men operate. You have only known this man three weeks and he is showering you with flowery words and gifts. RED FLAGS galore.

 

Sounds just like my ex. Full speed ahead, sweet words, major life sacrifices and changes to be with me really soon after we met. He never told me he was 'trouble' but I know he's a self confessed flirt and a player when he's single. I was so flattered by it all that I failed to see the red flags. Now I've done some reading up on these types of behaviours (women do it too) I would take it very slow if I was you.

 

Just sit back and enjoy it for what it is. Don't get your hopes up too soon and keep all of your hobbies and interests going and have your own life. These people usually fall fast and leave fast too. Juts hold back a bit thats all and see what happens. I could have walked away without being too hurt for the first 3 months - it wasnt until he truly hooked me and fell in love with him later that it was too late. Least he's being honest - just keep your eyes open.

[Thornbirds18]

Yes, believe him when he says he is trouble...sweet talking guy who runs full speed ahead into relationships and does the wooing by sweet words and gifts...yep, that is how the trouble guys usually start. Then they back off, mess with your head (like he is already doing). If I were you I would back away and don't get your heart involved. He did the over the top wooing to get you to fall for him...that is the way these kind of men operate. You have only known this man three weeks and he is showering you with flowery words and gifts. RED FLAGS galore.

 

I agree. There're plenty of red flags here. I just got out of a bitter relationship where the guy started really strong and once I began to fall for him he backed off and disappeared. It took me more than half year to heal from a two month dating. Be careful about his trouble.

[confused9]

is it bad or annoying for me to share these thoughts with him?

i've had the same concerns, when things start really fast, they seem to fall really hard. i really like him. and it's been a few years since i felt this way about someone.

and my ex and i, we didn't work out. but i thank god every single day that for the time i had with him and the feeligns i had for him and those that he had for me.

i don't want to run for the hills. and he seems to want to see me a lot more, he's talking about events that we can do togehter in a few months.

he told me by trouble he meant. he mgiht hurt me, say Feb 2nd, but on Feb 3rd, he'll do anything to make it up to me. and he said it did'nt deal with other women, i have a feeling it's more like, he's suddenly going to feel sick of me and need a breather.

but i can see that maybe he'll be attracted to other women? he's a cute guy and gets checked out a lot. i can see how he might want to test other things out, even though there's been no evidence of it.

 

i know he was dating someone for a while and he told her he didn't want to be exclusive with her. that's not to say he'll think the same way about me. but i just want to talk to him about all of these points.

about rushing too fast, about how i feel about him, about how i'm scared i'm goign to guard myself to death.

 

PS. he's already texted me twice since he called.

[free2Bme]

I dunno, I think you may be taking what he said a bit too seriously. I would be saying yes, definitely sit down and have the conversation if you had been together a few months, but it's only been 3 weeks, this should be the fun period, not the time for heavy talks about where is this going.

 

Sounds like you agree that it's moving fast, and sometimes you just can't help it from happening, I have done the same in the past! So the thing to do would be to relax the relationship a bit, and go back to having fun and play a bit hard to get as well.....he sounds like the sort who would love that ;-)

[confused9]

ok, i'm going to take your advice. i really like him. and i want to have fun. and not worry or think too much! (which is hard for me).

[free2Bme]

ok, i'm going to take your advice. i really like him. and i want to have fun. and not worry or think too much! (which is hard for me).

 

hehe, I know the feeling....believe me! lol. Good luck hun ;-)

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Huh, he already knows the date he is going to hurt you???? This is too weird. I stand by what I said earlier that there are red flags. The more you write about this guy, the weirder it sounds. He is really really rushing this. I have seen all too many times that the guys who barely know you and are planning all kinds of things you will do together in the future are the ones that bail very quickly or will start ignoring once they really have you hooked. He is sending you clear messages in his words...and then turns on the charm. He is a real charmer and knows how to get women hooked. As for dating other people...is that fair to other men if you are already sleeping with this guy and continue to sleep with him?

 

As far as guarding yourself to death...you have only been dating this guy for THREE WEEKS. You are also rushing headlong into this.

[Frangipani]

Yep. Red flag city!!! I read somewhere that often people give us all the info we need to see what they are really like - but we ignore it. He tells you he's flighty and may hurt you? Least my ex never said that!

 

My ex planned an overseas trip with me 3 months in, it's where I was supposed to be now. I even asked if he was sure that we should go ahead with it, as a lot can happen in 6 months. He said, "yep, i want you to be there with me." Then he dumped 3 months ago. I know he really cared for me in the beginning - he still says that to this day - that he only had he best intentions. But I would have taken it slower if I could have identified the red flags.

 

Just don't get to emotionally involved for a bit yet. Let him prove himself.

[confused9]

hey, no no, he didn't set a date he was going to hurt me, that was just an example. i know weird.

 

well, i was telling a friend of mine about him. and he looked at me and said. oh my god! he's just like you!

 

weird huh? i know i'm flighty. but when i meet someone i like, i can ground myself pretty quickly. he said he's just never grounded himself.

 

and to note, we have NOT yet done the deed. i'm not saying it's not in our future. but i'm pretty cautious about it. i like to do it with someone i really care about, who cares about me. and he fits the bill. but i also want to make sure he'll be around a while. so we'll see.

 

i guess i'll just go in slowly, following his lead.