Just want to talk...Need Help

[Diggitydave]

This is my second post about this topic but its something that really bothers me. The truth is I lost someone very important to me a little over a year ago, simply because of the way i was. I'm sure it wasn't 100 percent my fault but lets say a large part of it was. It was my ex girlfriend. Even to this day, I still miss her greatly. It has thrown me into a depression that has lasted quite some time now that i cannot seem to shake, even with medication, therapy. The doc is trying something that used to work so in the transitional period it is very tough to get by.

 

I think a lot of the problem is the wave of sadness when i constantly remind myself that I lost something so great and no matter how much I change now and what good things i do now, it won't bring back anything that I have lost. I always try to tell myself "it's ok, you are a better person now, you are working on yourself, keep going, don't give up" but lately its been tough. I think a big portion of this is I Just don't know HOW to forgive myself and realize i am a human that is capalbe of making many mistakes. My problem was i just didn't learn the first time.

 

Lately things have gotten bad...i have been diaretic, loss of appetite, i wake up earlier than i am supposed to and cannot go to bed again, uncontrollable sobbing... I've had to take excessive time off of work just to cope.

 

I don't really know what to do. I've already called the doc and am waiting for a call back from him to see if maybe this is just the transitional time with the medication or what not.

 

Can anyone offer any words?

[hating myself]

Dear Diggity Dave,

I am so sorry that you are having such a rough time. I have a pretty good idea of what you are going through. For myself, this has been the worst year of my life after I broke up with my ex. I have been in NC since April 2007. I thought I was doing better and then the holidays came upon me and I have been really sad. I have been in therapy and on meds and sometimes I feel as if I am getting nowhere. I don't have any words of wisdom to help you get through this-just know that you are not alone out there. I told a friend that this had been the worst year of my life and he said that things could only get better. I am so hoping that is true. I am so tired of wondering why I wasn't good enough for my ex. Even though I broke it off with him, he did some things that made me realize that I just couldn't put any more time and energy into the relationship and not get anything in return. I feel more or less that I was dumped. Anyway, I didn't mean to go on and on about my problems. Just know that you are not alone and I am thinking of you. Take care of yourself and keep up with the therapy and meds. Keep us posted!

HM

[alcide]

Sorry about what you have to face, but just bare in mind that life goes on and in due time you may be heal from your down moments cause there is nothing like time the best healer. Just take it light and don't go astray.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think we all go through times in our life when everything feels so black. In your case it is pain and guilt over how you behaved...in other cases it could be how someone or people have been treating them, frustrated goals, a series of major setbacks or devastating experiences etc. nobody is immune to the downward psychological and physical spiral that can result. Sometimes the downward spiral can last a very long time...it is up to the person experiencing it to pull themselves out. There is an expression to the effect of "a person will make changes when they are sick and tired of being sick and tired". One day it will hit you and then you will start healing and pushing forward. You may not be there yet, but one day it will happen for you. The holidays are a particularly rough time. Do you have plans for the holidays. Get out there and do something, even if it means going to a movie by yourself. Are there any books out there on forgiving yourself. Talk to the doc and see what he/she recommends. Also remind yourself that there are those who love you and want the best for you...they don't want you to compromise your health and well-being. In a sense, subconsciously you are trying to punish yourself for what you have done...don't allow that to happen to you. You have paid the price for what you have done, now it is time to pick up the pieces and not continue to punish yourself so that you ruin your own future health and well-being. Try to set a goal for yourself so that you can go back to work after the holidays. Is there any work you can do from home? Maybe focusing on the goal of work will help you push yourself forward.

[Diggitydave]

Today i woke up and i felt like death again, literally. I cannot eat, barely sleep, i haven't shaved in a week and i am losing weight. I have a friend coming over tonight to spend some time with me.

 

My ex recently contacted a friend of mine asking for my address so she could send me my baptism photos from when we were together. Why? Probably so she could rub in my face how she is trying to get rid of memories of me, I dunno, thats the way I see it.

 

I have contacted my doctor and I am going to ask him about what i have to do to go on medical leave or fmla of some sort. I have beaten myself up to the point where i am ill.

 

Every morning I literally feel like death...

[Psylocke]

Sorry you're going through a tough time DiggityDave but I have to ask, if you take medical leave or flma are you just going to stay at home and wallow in your grief? It could make things even worse.

 

I do understand you need time to cope and get yourself together as I have been there before, but IF you end up not socializing and hiding out at home it can make life more difficult.

 

You really need to find something to occupy your time, something you enjoy doing. You have to let the past go and start learning to live life again. It can and will happen if you let it.

[wiser]

When you wake up feeling that way, oftentimes it's high anxiety, even though you might not necessarily see it that way. Consider talking to your doc about taking a fast acting anti anxiety med such as xanax, until the other meds kick in (as per your other thread). It might make all the difference in the world for you.