what are certain self-made confidence builders

[samsoner]

you have used to give off a more positive and less self-conscious vibe whenever you're in public or talking to people?

 

I work at a mall, and even though I dress nicer than I used to (looked like a janitor!) I walk and almost act like I'm being watched and scrutinized by everyone, especially by well-dressed people, couples, and groups of women.

 

On campus I had that problem as well. Because (through various mistakes) I've taken a while to complete my education, I do look older than the other students. I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb, even though I've bought a University baseball cap and starting to dress more casual. But still, I feel like they (the students who past me) think I'm trying to "pose" as a student.

 

What do you do to relax your body language? Does listening to music on headphones really help? Are there certain exercises you can do before being in public? Thanks.

[malteser]

seriously?

 

when you walk down the street do you look at people and judge what they are wearing or if they're listening to music as see them as results of the confidence that person has?

 

you're walking around campus. i'm pretty sure noone cares what you're wearing. i would also say that in my experience those who wear the 'dressing up' clothes everyday are the most insecure. the ones wishing to project an image of confidence so that ppl don't know what they're really like. i would say i'm a pretty confident gal i turn up in jeans and t-shirt standard, whatever's closest to hand when i stumble out of bed. it's when i go out for events i make an effort.

 

the only way to 'relax your body language' is to realise that you've got nothing to be uptight about. if you feel confident in yourself, and your own abilities that will shine through and will ultimately make you more attractive to other people. regardless of age, what i-pod you've got, what trainer ur wearing blah blah blah....

 

music on headphones actually annoys me slightly. but i agree that when ur listening u become excluded from reality. you can walk around in your own little bubble and bob along to your very own soundtrack to your life. but it does make the rest of the world invisible and sooner or later the music stops.

 

if you can't do the self-confidence thing then come from the angle of why oh why would people think ur trying to 'pose' as a student. you are one. anything you do is what a student would do because you are a student. stop trying to conform and wear what and walk however makes you happy. who cares!?

[arwen]

 

What do you do to relax your body language? Does listening to music on headphones really help? Are there certain exercises you can do before being in public? Thanks.

 

First of all, I think how you think you stand out or are a 'sore thumb' is 99% in your head: it's what you think YOU'd think about you if you could see yourself. I highly doubt that in college people will actually notice you are 27. I am now working at uni as a researcher and other students often think I am also a student. So you don't look like an 18 year old, but you probably could easily pass for a 23 y/o and a lot of students fall into that age-range!

 

As for body language... mostly it works from inside out: someone with confidence beams confidence and someone who is very aware of himself looks shy or even clumsy. But it can help to change the way you feel about yourself by changing the way you behave- it just requires a lot of practice.

 

For me, headphones create a distance, not an attitude. I think it's easily a way of distraction and hiding, so if it helps you, start out your new way of walking around with headphones if you want.

 

However, I think it's most important that you wear things that make you look good AND feel good- not clothes you feel uncomfortable in. You can look great and feel uncomfortable at the same time- I feel very very awkward in skirts and dresses so if I have to dress up I use a lady's suit with pants, for instance.

 

Smile more than you do now, and be polite and kind to people- that usually breaks ice even if you are crabby.

 

Wear a nice scent.

[buckdawg]

you could start working out maybe to make you feel better about yourself

[Celadon]

I agree with what's already been said. Plus, I'd add a little tip: Most people are thinking about THEMSELVES, which makes them too busy to think about anyone else. It is the truth, so that should take some pressure off of you.

 

You didn't specifically ask about this, but I'll throw it out there because it's something I'm realizing. One way to not be so affected by other people (or fear what others are thinking) is to walk around as if you have a protective wall around you. That wall is the "I don't owe anyone anything" wall. It's the "yeah, we're all people, but I will only interact with you or pay attention to you if I CHOOSE to" wall. It's mental. It's a defense against criticism or weird looks or even just expending your emotional energy when it's not necessary. Some people call it "boundaries." It allows you to be who you are and to be in your own space, without apology.

 

For example, my "usual" mode is to be very aware of people around me. If I were to get to a street corner and someone is there and we're waiting for the "walk" signal, I would notice them and perhaps wonder how my presense is affecting them (like, do I look threatening to them? Am I standing too close?). Or I'd wonder if they're thinking anything about me based on how I look.

 

But when I try to have a boundary or a mental protective wall up, I would get to the street corner and, basically, ignore them. If they are doing something -- humming or talking on the phone -- or if they're dressed nicer than I am, I will continue to ignore them, unless I choose to pay attention. What I'm trying to say is, we don't have control over what other people think, but we have control over whether we even pay attention to them. And with that control comes some peace.

[poloplayer]

I highly doubt that in college people will actually notice you are 27

 

Well, I'm 26 and have a full time career, but I started taking pre-medicine coursework at night. One time I missed a physics lab due to traveling for work, so I made it up by going to a lab in the daytime once the boss approved.

 

So here I am in a lab course with college kids. I paired up with two dudes, and we're chatting and getting to know each other a bit, and they ask me if I am a sophomore or a junior. LOL. I told them that I'm a senior and they freaked out on me, they couldn't believe it, why am I taking this class, etc. I ran with it; told them I'm an econ. major, but starting doing pre-med stuff my senior year, etc. They told me that they thought that I was a sophmore, but junior at most, invited me to a frat party later in the week, etc.

 

I left and kept thinking, man, if only they knew that I am an old man (LOL) at 26 who has a full time career and I'm planning on a possible career change, hence the coursework. I couldn't believe they thought I was 20 - this can get dangerous for me.