Chele Posted December 20, 2007 Share Posted December 20, 2007 Two months into my now 5 month relationship that got serious very quickly I was in a serious car accident and came accross emails that my partner had written to his ex reminissing about his times with her. He has sinse said he is sorry and this was a momentary weakness and that he loves me very much and that I need to let go of this. Why is it so hard for me to forgive and trust him? Should I let go or is this unforgivable? Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 was he supportive of you during your recovery period? Link to comment
buckdawg Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 not sure if this is relevant but it might be. how long was he broken up with the ex before you guys started dating? that's pretty tough stuff to have to read but if he hadn't gotten over his ex (which apparently he hadn't) and he was unsure of where this new relationship was going i think i could make a case that he was afraid of the unknown and acted irrationally out of fear. Link to comment
Chele Posted December 21, 2007 Author Share Posted December 21, 2007 He wasn't very supportive because it was a very serious acc and we hadn't been together very long. He had broken up with his ex for 4 months and had been with he for 2 years. Now he says that he really loves me. It is hard to believe him. I don't know how to let go of the past or if I should try to. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 still, i think that is a worrying sign - how was he not supportive towards you? like would you ask him to bring you something, and he'd say no? perhaps he is not over his ex. Link to comment
buckdawg Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 unfortunately we can't answer that question for you ultimately it's a choice you have to make. it's understandable that you have concerns, i think most everyone would. certainly not a good way to start off a relationship. Link to comment
Chele Posted December 21, 2007 Author Share Posted December 21, 2007 If I say that he is not over his ex he gets really angry and that the thought of being with her is like vomit. he wasn't that supportive of me at the time beacause he did not enquire about what I was going through much. I was in a lot of pain and he found it upsetting to be around me. Link to comment
buckdawg Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 it is possible he gets angry because he's defensive about it and regardless of how soon after you started dating you had the accident i would think he would have been sympathetic. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 he wasn't that supportive of me at the time beacause he did not enquire about what I was going through much. I was in a lot of pain and he found it upsetting to be around me. his ex-gf aside, i think that this issue alone would be a deal breaker for me. i think you can tell a person's character in the tough times. if he didn't want to be around you because you were no fun, then he sounds like he would make a bad husband. i was going through a tough time when i was in a relationship a few years ago. the relationship didn't make it, but he was supportive of me, like spending time with me when i didn't feel well, going out in the middle of a snowstorm to get me stuff from the drug store, things like that. that is what i expect from a bf. i think maybe this was a test - and he failed. he could have handled things a lot better. like when you weren't feeling well, he could have brought over a dvd and chinese takeout or ice cream and spent a night like that. do you really think this guy would make a good husband or long term partner? is that what you are looking for? Link to comment
Chele Posted December 21, 2007 Author Share Posted December 21, 2007 I don't know, you are probably right. It is just that we have had some special times together and I find it hard to leave him. I was in all honesty very unpleasant when I was in hospital, I had mean nurses, and got angry at them. He still visited me every evening and bought me some presents it is just that he went home to the computer to write to her. Yes it is wrong and I should move on I just thought I was being unforgiving and needed to let go. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 If I say that he is not over his ex he gets really angry and that the thought of being with her is like vomit. RED FLAG. It seems from what I have read on these boards it seems that when I guy insists emphatically that he is not messing around with a particular woman because that woman is too ugly (or in this case makes him want to vomit) chances are that is a cover up for how he really feels. If he was indifferent to his ex, he wouldn't be getting this testy and acting for your benefit that she is like vomit....considering he was in contact with her when you were recovering and this was only 2 months into the relationship, and the fact that your relationship got serious very quickly, it is clear he is not over his ex and you were the rebound. Lots of men and women fake the emotions when they are in rebound because they so want to be over their ex. I would suggest you let this one go...I think he just doesn't want to be alone. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 i agree - i had one bf who kept telling me how much he hated this one girl, how he thought she was repulsive.... etc..... and he wound up dating her!!! i agree that he may not be over his ex. Link to comment
Chele Posted December 21, 2007 Author Share Posted December 21, 2007 He hates her because she has stolen lots of his things and done some very bad things. He gets upset if i say i am leaving I have to try and work out if he really loves me as he says how can i just walk away from our love Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 He hates her because she has stolen lots of his things and done some very bad things. He gets upset if i say i am leaving I have to try and work out if he really loves me as he says how can i just walk away from our love Be very careful about what he says...a lot of people paint their exs in a very bad light when they are hurting. Sure, some people are being honest but a lot of people are not. Remember, when you were in the hospital he wasn't super supportive and was running back to his ex. THAT says a lot about who HE is. It is quite possible that he is projecting his own bad behaviours on to his ex. In other words, HE was the problem, not her. One big red flag in a relationship is when the guy comes on very strong and rushes the relationship. You have only been together for 5 months...not a long time. The things he is telling you I find very disconcerting...the guilt trips (how can you walk away from our love) etc. A lot of his actions are those of a controlling person who just wants his needs met. Be very careful and really open your eyes to his behaviour because something doesn't seem right. Link to comment
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