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[jkstep]

Big question, need advice.

I'm pretty sure I'm dealing with Walkaway Wife and I'm trying everyhting to not piss her off. I've read the posts about not telling your wife you love her because that will piss her off and re-enforce her negatives towards me (essentially making her feel like I don't believe what she's been telling me)

We are still living together with our kids. Terrible thing is do I still give her a xmas gift? If so what? I don't want to make her more angry, obviously.

Any suggestions?

[Jeffrey2095]

Big question, need advice.

I'm pretty sure I'm dealing with Walkaway Wife and I'm trying everyhting to not piss her off. I've read the posts about not telling your wife you love her because that will piss her off and re-enforce her negatives towards me (essentially making her feel like I don't believe what she's been telling me)

We are still living together with our kids. Terrible thing is do I still give her a xmas gift? If so what? I don't want to make her more angry, obviously.

Any suggestions?

 

Hi jkstep,

 

I think a gift would be nice, but it must be awkward being in a situation where you must question this, I feel for ya guy.

 

How about something tasteful that is not too mushy?

 

Jeff

[beauty21]

Buy her some lingerie. It may get her in the mood, she sounds like she needs some.

[John Bendix]

jkstep,

 

I know that you feel that you are walking on eggshells. It is part of the dynamic that you are involved in. You fear doing things that will annoy her but that is her reaction which you have no control over. Fear will keep you in the worry mode. By the way, her egoic state at this moment actually thrives on your fearful actions and demeanor towards her. This will only push her further away. Be natural when giving her her space.

 

I agree with Jeffrey about the gift but do not react emotionally to her reaction when she opens the gift. And with Seafarer about being yourself. You cannot worry (dysfunctional emotion) about her emotional reaction. It probably will not be rational to you anyway.

 

Do what makes sense to you at that moment and let the outcome come as it may. Worrying will begin to diminish.

[1maineac]

How miserable are you? I cannot imagine wanting to stay in any relationship that I dread any part of. Why in the world are you doing this to yourself? Life is so very short-you should be happy and with someone that wants you to be happy.

 

Sorry I had to vent. As far as a Christmas present-gift card to her favorite store or one of those pay up front Visa cards you can get anywhere..Walgreens..lots of places ..that way she can use it WHEREVER she wants to and you don't have to worry about if you picked her favorite friggin store.

 

Bless your little pumpkin heart for trying so hard. Try not to lose yourself in her any farther.

[John Bendix]

jkstep.

 

I have to add that it not your relationship that is making you miserable, it is your reaction to it. This seems like a minor point but if you view it from this perspective, the suffering seems to subside.