Close To Over

[confused1975]

So, I have been with my girlfriend for 7 months and we had a wonderful relationship up until about October when I stumbled accross an email on her computer by accident.

 

The email was from another man that she had a past sexual relationship with. The emails were from Monday morning explaining that she had a "$hitty" weekend. Which caught me by surprise because we had just had what I thought was one of the most memorable weekends in our relationship.

 

On top of that, she brought up this guy's name out of nowhere during our "$hitty" weekend explaining how she used to make another boyfriend jealous by dating this fellow.

 

And for another on top of that, I found an email on her myspace asking this guy to go to lunch before he was to move to another area. His response back to her was "I wish it was dinner, but I guess we are past that now." - essentially in my mind baiting her.

 

When confronted about this she denied, denied and denied more saying they were only friends. I am supposed to be ok with her talking, emailing and having lunch with a fellow that she had a sexual relationship with? And one that she used to use to make her other boyfriend jealous?

 

I love this girl but I am extremely concerned about her past. I know that everyone has a past but it is difficult to get over this situation. I also found out that before she and I started dating that she was using cocaine "socially." I live in Dallas and I have friends that have told me that uptown girls that use coke "socially" are basically "coke whores."

 

I don't know what to do - anytime I try to have a conversation with her about my concerns, she will not talk. She is adament about saving our relationship. I don't know if I am.... please give me some advice/feedback. Thanks.

[Crows]

I think you need to confront her on this immediately. THis is not acceptable at all.

[rosephase]

I think you should break up with her, for her sake. You are digging thru her mail AND myspace. You don't trust her. And you kind of said you think she is a * * * * * because she has done some coke. She would probably be happier with someone else, someone who doesn’t judged her and who respects her a little more.

[confused1975]

You are right. It's hard to trust someone with that kind of a past. We live in a society now that makes stuff like what she's done acceptable. People like me that haven't done those kinds of things are viewed as prude and naive.

 

So be it. I would be willing to bet she or anyone women for that matter that's done what she has would have a hard time finding a respectable man.

 

There is nothing attractive nor alluring about a woman involved in that scene. So that said I think you are right - I must break off the relationship.

[MadlyDeeply]

I think you should break up with her, for her sake. You are digging thru her mail AND myspace. You don't trust her. And you kind of said you think she is a * * * * * because she has done some coke. She would probably be happier with someone else, someone who doesn’t judged her and who respects her a little more.

 

 

Errr. I'm sorry, but that quote is insane. Someone who doesn't judge her?! SHE DOES COCAINE, NOT DRINK COCA COLA. Of course, she is to be judged. When someone does something that is illegal (and a major crime at that), of course it should be expected that they should be judged. And, because she did something like that, she deserves a little less respect.

 

*Shakes Head*

[ghost69]

well, in perspective, i contact exs once in a while. it's pretty much email. but no sexual talk and no lunch/dinner plans that is for sure. just a simple hey how you doin? how is school? blah blah. pretty basic stuff. they don't ask me anything too personal either. we have that understanding. it's not like i talk to them everyday or even once a month. maybe every 6 months to say hi. i've never really had a bad breakup, so i get to enjoy that. will i ever get back with any of them? nope.

 

but if i had a gf, all ties are severed and i go cold. they understand that too.

 

so, i think you need to really explain how much this is bugging you. cause obviously, it is. no denying that. if she freaks out on you or feeds you a bunch of crap that seems like bs, i'd question the relationship. most understanding girls would be like 'okay, i won't talk to him' if they really cared about you. i'm betting she did coke with this guy. so this guy has probably become a 'habit' with it. unless she broke it.

[rosephase]

Errr. I'm sorry, but that quote is insane. Someone who doesn't judge her?! SHE DOES COCAINE, NOT DRINK COCA COLA. Of course, she is to be judged. When someone does something that is illegal (and a major crime at that), of course it should be expected that they should be judged. And, because she did something like that, she deserves a little less respect.

 

*Shakes Head*

 

And if you feel that way YOU shouldn't be dating her. Simple.

[MadlyDeeply]

And if you feel that way YOU shouldn't be dating her. Simple.

 

That was the point. Your previous post said that he shouldn't be with her, so she can be with someone who will accept her. That's BS. He shouldn't be with her because she is lying to him and does illegal drugs. How can anyone else not judge her because she does cocaine!?

[rosephase]

That was the point. Your previous post said that he shouldn't be with her, so she can be with someone who will accept her. That's BS. He shouldn't be with her because she is lying to him and does illegal drugs. How can anyone else not judge her because she does cocaine!?

 

I don't. Why should you? You don't know her. You don't know the circumstance, you obviously never have done coke and you don't know a thing about it. She isn't lying to him she was telling him she wasn’t sleeping with the other guy. How do you know that is a lie? And he is spying on her, “I stumbled accross an email on her computer” “I found an email on her myspace” She should get out.

[confused1975]

rosephase,

 

she actually started the whole email spying thing when she looked on my laptop at my work emails. she found nothing BTW. I caught her doing it.

[rosephase]

rosephase,

 

she actually started the whole email spying thing when she looked on my laptop at my work emails. she found nothing BTW. I caught her doing it.

 

It doesn’t sound like you guys have a trusting relationship. Maybe you should look at that? I don't know the dynamic but it sounds kind of bad to have you both sneaking around checking up on each other all the time. Do you believe her that she is not sleeping with this guy?

[NO1GR8r]

" love this girl but I am extremely concerned about her past. I know that everyone has a past but it is difficult to get over this situation. I also found out that before she and I started dating that she was using cocaine "socially." I live in Dallas and I have friends that have told me that uptown girls that use coke "socially" are basically "coke whores.""

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I read every word, but I must address this part. Why? Because you are now living the cliche`: "A man informed is a man forwarned." Remember the life lesson: Don't touch that - it is hot." and we touch it anyway to see what hot is? Now, since you have already discovered what hot is, millions of years after the discovering of FIRE...take head to the warning signs.

If people are telling you or have told you about this womans past and her habits...SHE told you and even POINTED them out in some way...LISTEN!

It is hard when your heart is on fire.

And since she won't TALK about it, that is another indicator. She is not going to stop. And you will not be able to CHANGE her. So, what are you going to do, now that you know? And the coke use...watch out - your VCR may be on sale at the next pawn shop. Yes, I said 'VCR.'

I will leave it at this...

 

k/d