Hurting...

[Marie97]

Im new to the site and am going thru a rough situation. I was dating a really wonderful man for a few months. We had a great relationship and everything was good. He has children from his previous relationship. We talked about this when we first met. I too have a daughter so I didnt mind. He hasnt been with his ex for over a year. The realtionship between us was going great up until 2 weeks ago. He was laid off of work and started to get really down and I noticed and was always trying to cheer him up. Still I noticed him being a bit distant so asked him what was wrong and finally after a few days he told me that the mother of his kids was having problems where she was and might have to move back here from another state. She had no place to go because all her family is in Central America. He said he had to help her out because of his daughter. She cant live with him here because he lives with his brother and his sisterinlaw and ex dont get along so she will be staying with his cousin. They have a 2 year old daughter here and two children back at home. She up and left him when the 2 year old was 3 months without saying a word. He was really hurt by the whole thing and he tells me that it wasnt the first time. His children mean the world to him and that was one of the things that I admired most about him. Well I told him I understood that he had to look out for his daughter and for him to do what he thought was needed. I dont knock him for it but we had to go our separate ways.He needed to figure things out with his ex and I didnt want to be a part of that. I know shes is coming here with the intensions of being with him .Everyone is telling him not to trust her because of the past. I just felt that if a decision needed to be made I'd rather him go figure things out on his own and not regret it later. Meanwhile Im trying to look out for him Im dying inside because I really love him. So we called it quits on the 4th and we have talked on and off but since friday he has been calling and coming around which threw me off. He told me his ex was coming tues or wed. Im confused though because he seems confused too. He told me last night that the only thing that he wants it to be with his daughter that he didnt care to be with his ex. He doesnt trust his ex and seems so hesitant in even wanting to work things out with her. He says that he wants to stay in touch with me. I dont have a problem with it. Actually it may sound weird but Im still friends with all my ex boyfriends. I just know that he and I will not be nothing but friends. So since I know she was getting here last nite we kinda talked about it and we sat there and cried together. He told me hes so confused and that he knows that im a great women but he doesnt know how to deal with the situation. I'm not confused I know that its over and Im just hurting because I know that its gonna be hard to forget about him...in my past relationships something really bad happened and even though it hurt it was easier to move on. Yet with him we never argued we had great communication and everything was great. This is why I feel heartbroken because we got along so good and the love was there but I need to stay strong I have a little girl to take care of and this is why im here. Help

[buckdawg]

marie,

sometimes unfortunate things happen to good people. i'm very impressed with the way you handled the situation. you did everything 100% correct. doesn't make you feel any better thought does it? i'm sorry.

 

i hate to throw up false hopes but it's not like you guys had accumulated insurmountable baggage that one of you is trying to get past. more it's an unfortunate collision of circumstances. if it's meant to be it will be. right now take care of yourself, let him take care of himself and see where the chips fall.

 

your story makes me sad too, i'm very sorry.

[Kiwi_Sweet]

Welcome to ENA Marie. You came to the right place for support. Most people here have been through what you are going through, or worse. BIG HUGS*...

 

It will be a tough road to travel, but eventually you will get over him and will be a stronger person in the end. We all learn from the things that happen to us in our pasts, and some of it hurts, but we are ever changing.

 

 

Merry Christmas,

 

 

Fruitylips1

[Marie97]

I do feel like I made the right choice but just like you said it doesnt make me feel any better. Yes its true that we didnt have insurmountable baggage but I guess its always hard when good things go bad.Thanks for the reply.

[Marie97]

Thanx fruitylips1. Thats what Im looking for is support. I keep my emotions to myself and dont share what Im going thru with those around me because I dont want to burden them with my problems. Also I keep it all in which makes it harder on me in the long run cuz I know im gonna breakdown at one point or another. So thanks for the hugs and support.

[buckdawg]

Thanx fruitylips1. Thats what Im looking for is support. I keep my emotions to myself and dont share what Im going thru with those around me because I dont want to burden them with my problems. Also I keep it all in which makes it harder on me in the long run cuz I know im gonna breakdown at one point or another. So thanks for the hugs and support.

 

you know what marie? have faith in your friends and family. they may surprise you.

[Marie97]

I do have faith in them I just dont want my family to see me hurt like this. Ive always been the strong one and I dont want them to have to worry about me. My mom knows the situation and I talked to her about the entire thing but I dont want her to see me hurt or cry. As a mother I know that its gonna hurt her to see me like that and I dont want that.

[buckdawg]

I do have faith in them I just dont want my family to see me hurt like this. Ive always been the strong one and I dont want them to have to worry about me. My mom knows the situation and I talked to her about the entire thing but I dont want her to see me hurt or cry. As a mother I know that its gonna hurt her to see me like that and I dont want that.

 

As a son I understand, as a father i'd want my son and/or daughters to tell me just so I can give them a hug and let them know that I love them. i'm not trying to be pushy but keeping it in will...like you said...drive you crazy.

[Marie97]

Yeah I know. I did talk to my mom and she knows Im hurting but I dont show my emotions around her. That is very true though.. I too would want my daughter to come talk to me. Yet we always try to spare our loved ones from enduring any pain, and I guess thats what I'm trying to do at least.

[Marie97]

Im so confused.. I knew that his ex arrived last night and although he said that he would stay in touch with me I didnt believe him. Not sure why.. I just figured if he was going to be with his ex that perharps he would try to work things out with her and not talk to me any longer. Or if he did call me it wouldnt be for a long time. well to my surprise he just called me. wow my heart dropped when I noticed it was him calling. He told me he was calling to say hello and to see how I was doing. I told him I was fine even though im torn to pieces. He says he would like me to meet his daughter on saturday I dont mind meeting her. I just am not sure how to handle this situation. I want to let it all go and move on but at the same time I cant. I did make it clear to him that I wouldnt contact him. I told him if he wishes to contact me than he can but I wont call him.I want him to make his own decisions. Am I making the right choice?