Statement of intent or Indications of Interest

[onlineguy]

If interested in someone, is it better to show a definate statement of intent that you want to be with them and suffer the possibility of rejection!

 

Or is it better to show indications that you like the person and wait to see if this is reciprocated ? If it is fine, if its not then you know and do not suffer any perceived rejection.

 

What are your thoughts.

[wiser]

Every situation is different, no two people interact the same way. That much said, if it was me, I would put myself right out there and make my intentions known.

 

Sometimes you "gotta play the dating game", but at least don't be ambiguous about the way you feel about the person.

 

Rejection isnt the end of the world, it isn't nearly as bad as you might think from reading about how afraid everyone is about it possibly happening to them.

[someguy88]

I think it's better to just let things happen naturally without any declarations, but sometimes that seems almost impossible if you're really into someone.

[ghost69]

i'd rather know. then i can move on. rejection does not bother me.

[Dating Coach]

If interested in someone, is it better to show a definate statement of intent that you want to be with them and suffer the possibility of rejection!

 

Or is it better to show indications that you like the person and wait to see if this is reciprocated ? If it is fine, if its not then you know and do not suffer any perceived rejection.

 

What are your thoughts.

 

Well, you don't want to send signals that you're completely interested too soon... meaning the minute you meet someone. For instance, walking up to a girl at a bar and saying, "My god you are beautiful, can I buy you a drink?" is too much too soon. But also, sitting next to a girl and chatting all night about mundane things without stimulating her or making a move is also discouraged.

You definitely want to be able to pick up on and cultivate Indicators of Interest. If you are joking around, teasing her, having fun, and you are noticing her play with her hair, teasing back, etc then it's probably a good time to ask her to move to a different location to where you guys can speak more privately. If she goes it's likely a great time to be more overt once you'vve relocated, such as touching her neck and going for a kiss.

[Luke Skywalker]

I've done this before, and instead of getting rejected, I ended up putting her on a pedistle and she made me feel small.

 

The problem is declaration of interest, especially with hot girls, is that once they know that they have you, then you are no longer a challenge to them and their attention is going to someone else from that moment. You have to let them earn your interest and remain cool about it rather than just giving everything for free.

 

I tried that angle, the desperate boy living under a rock that meet the first hot girl in his life and it was a disaster in the works. I just made the girl feel uncomfortable, got myself worked up because she made me feel small in response by saying I didn't have a life and had to make a choice of whether I could handle it or not, etc.....

 

Net effect of stating interest and getting to the bottom - I put an already inflated ego on a pedistle.

 

My friend, do not tell an attractive girl that you are interested in her or see her as romantic potential, she is either into you, or she is not into you. Let her earn your interest, because, your interest isn't worth much if you just it for free, or so it seems in my example here.

 

You may not get rejected, it may be worst, she may go on a pedistle and start thinking she has you and doesn't have to do any work with you since she is getting stuff for free. Big mistake.

 

Try making a statement like that after a you know her better, and probably after six months of consistent dating and things are getting a bit deep.

[Dating Coach]

The problem is declaration of interest, especially with hot girls, is that once they know that they have you, then you are no longer a challenge to them and their attention is going to someone else from that moment. You have to let them earn your interest and remain cool about it rather than just giving everything for free.

 

There is a lot of truth to this statement, especially with the very attractive woman.

 

Think about it this way. If you send her signals that says she's won you over very quickly, she didn't have to put much effort into it. If she got your attention and affection that easily, you're not a big deal. It is not a big deal.

 

Now, if she had to work hard to win you over and win your attenion/affection, now it means something. It took her a lot of effort and work to get you focused on her. Is she going to be so readily to toss that aside? All of that work so she can say, "ha ha! Just kidding!"? Not likely. If you just gave it to her without a fight though... you're so much easier to discard as she didn't invest anything into it.

 

This also plays into the "Nice Guy vs. Jerk" theory. So many of the self described "Nice Guys" are like Evan from Superbad. They try to hard to get a girl to like him by doing free favors, sucking up, etc that she didn't even have to earn his affection. He's just there ready for her whenever she is ready. He does hold any value to her. She got him without any work or investment. Thus, a Nice Guy like Evan isn't going to be that appealing.

 

A jerk is very selfish, very self centered, etc and has no problem abusing other people. This makes it a chore to gain their affection. If they aren't giving it away easily they appear to have more value and thus appear of High Value and stir more of a connection. Unfortunately the lady suffers because he's just a jerk.

 

If you refrain from giving yourself out so easily to a woman, if you show that you have value by making her earn the benefits you offer, yet are still able to respect others and be considerate... that's what you want to be. Your affection will then not only have value, but you will be able to be a great partner as well.

[JeckyllNHyde]

There is a lot of truth to this statement, especially with the very attractive woman.

 

Think about it this way. If you send her signals that says she's won you over very quickly, she didn't have to put much effort into it. If she got your attention and affection that easily, you're not a big deal. It is not a big deal.

 

Now, if she had to work hard to win you over and win your attenion/affection, now it means something. It took her a lot of effort and work to get you focused on her. Is she going to be so readily to toss that aside? All of that work so she can say, "ha ha! Just kidding!"? Not likely. If you just gave it to her without a fight though... you're so much easier to discard as she didn't invest anything into it.

 

Yeah as a girl I gotta completely agree with this and what Luke said.

I feel that way alot of times.

I mean why would I want some guy who was willing to do anything for me too soon either? It seems nice and it's a lovely thought but it's still too easy..

Guys like a challenge, women do too.

[Dating Coach]

Yeah as a girl I gotta completely agree with this and what Luke said.

I feel that way alot of times.

I mean why would I want some guy who was willing to do anything for me too soon either? It seems nice and it's a lovely thought but it's still too easy..

Guys like a challenge, women do too.

 

Yup. The only thing is that most people misconstrue what "being a challenge" is all about.

 

I see a lot of people think that being confrontational or perhaps cold and distant equals being a challenge... but that's not what it is about at all. Being a challenge is merely respecting yourself and not giving out more than is earned.

 

A quick couple of examples for the wrong challenge is:

 

-Girl calls guy and guy ignores call.

-Girl calls guy and leaves message for him to call back to set up a date yet he waits several days to do it.

-Girl tries to flirt with guy and guy is rude or confrontational.

 

A quick couple of examples of the right challenge is:

 

-Girl calls guy and guy answers, has a good chat, yet keeps the conversation under 10 minutes.

-Girl leaves guy a message for him to call back to set up a date and he calls back when he is able to, and works the date around a time he is available to see her (Though preferably not Friday or Saturday in the beginning as you should already have plans)

-Girl flirts with guy and guy flirts back by teasing her.

 

Just some quick breakdowns.