She's 5 years older than me. So confused...

[lv22irl]

I'm 22, she is 27. We have been doing something, What, I don't know what for the past month.

 

A bit of background on the situation...

 

We have worked together for 5 months. She is gorgeous and has a great personality. I was so intimidated by her at first, then it went away when i found out she was 27. I didn't even give it a second thought because of the age gap. What would she want with a 22 year old?

Gradually we started to talk and joke around more at work, she asked if i wanted to go for drinks. She ends up telling me that she's had a crush on me since I started working there. We talked for hours and ended up back at her place.

 

We both decided it would be best not to tell work. It's a really small staff and we are all buddies, they wouldn't care or be upset just thought it would be best.

 

We spent the following 5 days together, and 75% of the days in the past month together.

 

She has told me a few times she doesn't see how we can be in a relationship together because of the age difference. We are at different points in our lives, I agreed and was fine with our physical relationship / spending time together with no strings. We have both admitted we are falling for each other over the last couple weeks. She's all I can think about. We haven't talked about how we can't work for a couple weeks.

 

Well we weren't too discreet about the whole thing, people at work know. There is a bit of harmless banter from them but nothing bad / negative.

 

We had plans last night and she seemed kind of cold on the phone,

 

Now she is back to saying we can't work as a relationship. She says that everyone knowing makes her think about the age gap. We had plans last night and she seemed kind of cold on the phone and I almost felt like she didn't want to see me... We ended up having a really intense conversation, First she was really cold telling me that we can't work because of the age etc, then she starts crying (she was hiding it). I asked her why she was crying and she says she's torn and on the other hand she's falling in love with me...

 

HELP ME, i have no idea what i'm doing or what to do. I have alot of feelings for her right now and don't want the age difference to kill this.

[Gratsy]

You're going to have to work something out or end it. 22 is a large difference...what a woman wants most is security/stability and a 22 year old doesn't offer much of that. It sounds like she was attracted to you and wanted you but also was trying to keep it from getting permanent. She got caught in a bind b/c she started to fall in love.

[MissIndigo]

I feel that five years between you two shouldn't kill this. I would concern myself more with what expectations are out of a relationship. Perhaps you should discuss that and base your decision on the ideas put forth on whether or not to move forward. It could greatly help you both.

 

Having a relationship with someone you work with carries its own inherent risks and unique dynamics, but I feel it can be a great intellectual basis upon which to bond with someone, which the two of you have.

 

I'm sorry you all feel torn, and hope you work toward a resolution soon. I'll reiterate...I think communicating about relationship expectations would be a great place to start laying some ground.

[lv22irl]

She was engaged a year ago and called it off at the last minute. She says these feelings scare her a bit also.

 

I'm not looking to get too serious too quickly either.

[free2Bme]

I think what you both need is to relax the relationship, it seems you are both putting unecessary pressure on yourselves about the relationship.

 

You say neither of you wants anything too serious just yet, but the type of conversations you are having are serious.

 

You have not been together that long, so relax about the whole thing, enjoy each others company and have fun. And see what it develops into, rather than forcing the relationship in any one direction.

 

Good luck

[MissIndigo]

lv22irl--A year ago I was serious about someone and that relationship ended suddenly, leaving me very hurt. I've recently only starting seeing someone new on a regular basis (someone younger), and we are taking it very slow, only seeing each other 2x a week or so. We communicate by e-mail and by text some in between, but not necessarily everyday. And it's ok.

 

You may need to take a few steps back from your situation and put on some brakes. Again, if you are truly interested in each other.. communicate your expectations. You need peace of mind over this (easier said than done, I know...). Good luck.

[lv22irl]

Thanks for the advice. We have probably been spending way too much time together. We have both been neglecting our personal friends I think.

 

I have this incredible urge to send her some flowers tonight with a quirky message that lets her know i'm not upset and we should slow down a bit, but she is having some girlfriends over and i don't want to piss her off by invading that time.

 

Ideas?

[MissIndigo]

I would invite her out for a casual date or meet somewhere otherwise face-to-face and discuss your situation. It's always classier and more respectful that way. While flowers are a nice gesture, if she's feeling torn it may have the opposite reaction you're hoping for, as gifts can imply more seriousness. Give her a call, tell her you'd like to see her, set something up on free time for you both.

 

Good luck and best wishes.

[lv22irl]

Just a quick update...

 

I sent her some flowers that day with a note letting her know how i felt and we should slow down.

 

Anyhow we have both told each other we love one another and are spending a bit less time together. I feel like I am setting myself up to have my heart broken though.

[Gratsy]

You don't know that. Stop assuming.

[lv22irl]

Well ALOT has happened in the past week or so. She told me she is pregnant... so much for slowing down. Initially I think I almost had an anxiety attack, but the past 4 days have felt like a month. We both talked and decided a baby is not what either of us want or need right now.

[catwalk]

my bf is a few years younger than me, and I know a guy who is 22 who I would date in a heart beat and I'd make it work.

 

younger guys are great. when she realises what she lost and what she's missing out on...... she'll let you know she made a mistake and hopefully you'll let her back in!

[lv22irl]

we are still together.

[Dagless]

Oh boy, hearing this is bizarre. I met my girlfriend at work when I was 22 and she was 27. We hit it off straight away, we had long chats about being in different places and wanting different things, my reply was I wanted the same thing as her, to be happy. We would break it off and get back together so many times. The only difference is that she was pregnant when I met her. After a time of being friends we got it together, I knew what responsibilities I'd be taking on but for her I would and I did.

 

You don't get many shots at happiness in this life so you have to take every one thats given to you. Your age gap won't mean a damn when your 78 and she's 83.

You only regret the thing you don't do.