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1 year...i still cant break her loose


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My story is very long and if you wish to read my previous threads you may, but I really need to know what to do so in a few words here's the problem..


a girl that i care about deeply treats me like a friend...like an ordinary friend....she says there's something a little more (we have had sex and had a very intense romantic fling about 1.5 years ago and then we fought and stopped talking for 4 months, then we resumed talking and as she said there was a little more). She says that she's no longer swept off her feet by me like she used to be (oh yeah and she had a bf of 7 years when she met me, and she only recently completely stopped talking to him) but that shes not closing any doors.



i love her..i really do...and we talk frequently...ill hear from her somehow everyday either through a text or a phone call...nothing serious...


for some reason though she seems to avoid seeing me as much as possible EXCEPT in situations where i am out of town in which case she'll say "wish you were here to take me to so and so" etc etc. But When i'm actually in town she avoids the topic while we talk.


She says shes really lonely and confused and empty...




the problem is i want her as more of a friend but she wont do it, says she doesnt want it....she doesnt lead me on or anything but there is an aspect of our relationship that is more than friends....


but its been like this for a year now..i get hurt when she mentions how she met a new guy friend or how she went out...i try to mention the same thing that im meeting people..


the problem is she isnt doing anything wrong but i feel so pained by the situation where someone isnt exactly what i want them to be...but there's nothing i can say to her other than "stop being my friend"


This is really heard. i don't know if i've explained myself correctly...I feel like a two year old.

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That's a hard thing to deal with. Maybe you need to start distancing yourself from her, stop answering every call and text etc. Do you ever date anyone? It sounds like you really care deeply for her, but she just isn't feeling the same way, so it's time to move on. If it's too hard for you to be around her as a friend because you're in love with her, being around her is going to hold you back. It's a tough situation.

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Hey HurtDude


I can see how this situation must frustrate the hell out of you.


It sounds like she used you as something of a rebound to try and get away from the pain of finishing up with her ex and now - she keeps you in the background while she properly gets over him. You are her fallback position - she knows what you want and that massages her ego. She knows when you are not available - when you are out of town, and she uses this opportunity to pull you in. As soon as you become available, she avoids the topic.


You want more than friendship, and she doesn't - these are the facts. And all the while that you are hanging around, you get to hear her talking about other men - nice.


Mate - you have to pull right back from this and let it go for the time being. You cannot be her friend whilst you still have romantic feelings for her - it is just too painful.


Who knows what the future will bring, she may come around again. But for now, you need to look at her actions and not her words - she doesn't want more than friendship.


I know it sucks, but the sooner you put a lid on this can of worms, the sooner you can set yourself free from this state of limbo.



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Hurtdude - I'm really sorry that this lass has messed you around so much. From reading a lot of posts on here, it seems that one of the biggest complains guys have is how women tend to play mind games and go from hot to cold all too often.


I am very sorry for this - but know that it is not normal or respectful behaviour and not all women do this. For me - it is either on or off, no in between -and that is how it should be.


It sounds as though she is stringing you along as a safety blanket - and to call on you when she is lonely. This is totally unfair on you, and you need to cut her off for good. I know you are in love with her - I really do, but she is not giving you what you need and not returning the love.


I know it is hard, but there are more deserving women out there who would love you in a second.

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