dealing with another betrayal

[anabanana]

i have been in a relationship with my ex for over a year. it was turbulent and unhealthy from the start. i started dating the ex right after i found out that my husband had been cheating on me (that's a long complicated story, but essentially, we decided to take time off, got back together, he lied to me about the fact that he had been seeing someone else -and continued to see her after we got back together- and i ultimately found out on my own). i was in a complete state of shock and in complete despair, moved accross the country, and katched onto the ex for distratction purposes.

 

although we fought all the time, i also really liked the ex. the ex knew my past with my husband and i i never thought the ex would do something liek that to me. in fact, the ex was always insistent about the fact that that would never happen. i chose to trust that because i didn't want to let my hudband's betrayal color everything else.

 

so, anyways, things weren't going well with us since the beginning. we kept breaking up and getting back together. the ex was starting to get emotionally abusive, was very jealous, insecure and delusional. i found myself unable to break out of the relationship, more out of fear of beign alone than anything else.

 

anyways, at the end of october, i decide i've had enough and break things off after the ex ends up yelling at me, for no good reason, at some bar. we decide to take time off from each other and focus on ourselves. the ex promises not to do anything to * * * * me over by sleeping with other, etc.

 

so i go out of town 2 weekends ago. the ex goes out with mutual friends, gets super hammered and hooks up with some girl who's visiting from out of town. i come back on monday, ask the ex what's up, the ex informs me that they kissed someone else... i aks if they had sex, i am assured no, they did not. also, no numbers were exchanged.

 

i had to find out from the mutual friend the next day that the ex actually had sex with this girl, and that the girl has called the ex.

 

i have been reeling from this for the last week. i am so hurt because i can't believe this is happening AGAIN. i really trusted the ex not to do something like this. the ex knew how much this would hurt me, considering my past relationship, and i can't help but feel that the ex took this route specifically to hurt me. i'm angry with myself for putting myself in this situation. there have been warning signs of the ex's untrustworthiness, and i chose to ignore them. additionally, i've been miserable in the relationship for awhile, and am mad at myself for not being strong enough to leave it before.

 

on one end, i feel like this is a good thing, cause it creates a clean break (no contact since last tuesday) and gives me the incetive to walk away from an unhealthy relationship. but i am really angry and hurt. i feel disheartened and disappointed and hopelessness. i worry that i will never find someone trustworthy. is there something about me that has caused my last 2 relationships to end this way?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

No, it is not you. I think there are a lot of a@@h**les out there, both men and women, who the minute they know your vulnerabilities use it against you sooner or later. I know a lot of vindictive people out there who are incredibly cruel. You had problems with your ex...if he was controlling and manipulative, it is not surprising that he would take a jab at your weak spot....they always do. One thing I have learned is that when someone jabs at your weak spots, rather than getting hurt just see it for what it is...a pathetic, insecure individual who needs to resort to low and dirty tactics in order to feel better about himself/herself. Don't take it personally...these kind of people will jab at anybody's weak spots no matter what they are.

[buckdawg]

sorry anabanana that you're going through this. doesn't really sound like you totally got over your husband before you started dating this guy. that probably isn't good. but that doesn't excuse the way you were treated. it's too bad there's people like that out there.

 

take this time for yourself and chill for a while and see what happens. it won't get any worse than it is right now. good luck!

[pinkelephant]

the relationship with the ex was a horrible one, the way it began again and the course it took. the thing is, you need a break and rebuild yourself. you cant just blindly believe someone just because you dont want to the other incident to "color" everything else.

 

 

everybody screws up, but yeah, its good now you have a clean break. take the timet o take care of yourself and next time, be alert, dont trust just because. trust because they gave you a reason to be. and dont ever let yourself be in another roller coaster relationship just because you dont want to be alone, because in the end, it'll hurt you more.