What to make of this Very strange situation, advice needed

[vaus]

I put this in dating, but don't think this particular situation falls into any of the categories provided. Still, advice is needed.

 

Here's the story:

 

I met this girl, really cute.

 

-Depression, a history of abuse and anorexia are only the beginning of many problems she has. Pretty much homeless.

 

-We hit it off really well. So well that on the second night of hanging out she came over to my place and we had sex. Twice.

-Same for the next few days, she practically lived here.

 

-We had an almost scary number of things in common, from music to political views. We could even read each other's mind (sometimes, really!)

 

-I got to know her very well (as did she) ... apparently she was planning on moving somewhere far off soon (with some guy she didn't even know - met off facebook) because she didn't want to do her community service. We talked, she agreed to stay in town.

 

-3rd or 4th night she decided to go to a party at her parents (yeah really!) after sending me a bunch of sad / confusing texts, all along the lines of being depressed, leaving this town, ugly, etc...

-(We had agreed that we were "together" previously, and she also said that she couldn't be with anyone)

 

-So we talk in the morning and she says she wants to make -it- up to me somehow.

 

-We stay in touch, hung out tonight for awhile.

-Then I left.

-We're doing something tomorrow.

 

Questions

*What would you say really happened here?

*What should I say / offer / do to have her stay here?

*Don't mean to sound naive, but I truly think that somehow... we were meant to be together.

 

***Also, she made me promise I wouldn't get bored of her. (If that means anything)

***She had a mini-breakdown after our first time (wanting me to take her somewhere, to just forget about her) but I calmed her down somehow. She was surprised, saying no one had been able to before.

 

Does anyone have a similar experience or any ideas of what's going on here???? I'm sort of confused ... to say the least.

All help, comments and criticism will be appreciated!

[ernurse75]

Well everyone has there hangups. Sounds like she has a lot of baggage. But if you don't have much to risk like kids or additional responsibilities then do what is in your heart. I met a guy once and we had the same connection. I helped him break a newly forming crack addiction and he moved in because I hated to see him out on the street and I felt like we hit it off really well. We had a dramatic relationship. I always felt that he was my soul mate but we were too young and too much happened.

It sounds like she is going to break your heart several times. If you think it is worth it... I say live life. Just hold her and try to be sensative to her needs especially if sexual abuse is involved. She may be provacative and then angry because all she really wants is safety and love. Make sure you offer a warm place with no strings sometimes. She sounds like a free bird that will come and go. With time maybe she will nest.

 

Good luck and get ready for a rollar coaster.

[ghost69]

maybe she really wants out of that town/city. her calling is somewhere else. sucks, but there might not be anything you can do to stop her or get her to stay.

[Dating Coach]

I would never enter a relationship with someone who has so much baggage. I have NEVER seen it end well.

 

And you know what? She likely knows this too. So if you eagerly walk into a relationship when she is sending you all kinds of Red Flags, then that tells her the wrong things about you, such as that you are desperate, that you can be manipulated, etc.

 

I will guarantee you that she will constantly be testing you and making powerplays against you throughout this whole scenario and that it will end badly for you.

 

I wish I could bear greater news but I have NEVER seen a girl who brings baggage like this end up well. It's always been the same mess.

[vaus]

Thanks for the advice guys, it really helped.

 

Wish I would have read it before 6ish pm last night...

I got pepper sprayed (sitting right in my car, less than 2 feet away) by some guy who was jealous of us being together.

 

She's begging for me to be with her again, but I just don't know. I had this friend who always said I'm too nice for my own good. I think this is a time to take his criticism to heart, yeah?

 

Not only do I not know if it's worth it for me emotionally, but now that some tweaker punk goons have it out for me...

 

I think I know / should know the answer by now.

 

Forget Her?

[NewPhillyGuy]

Thanks for the advice guys, it really helped.

 

Wish I would have read it before 6ish pm last night...

I got pepper sprayed (sitting right in my car, less than 2 feet away) by some guy who was jealous of us being together.

 

She's begging for me to be with her again, but I just don't know. I had this friend who always said I'm too nice for my own good. I think this is a time to take his criticism to heart, yeah?

 

Not only do I not know if it's worth it for me emotionally, but now that some tweaker punk goons have it out for me...

 

I think I know / should know the answer by now.

 

 

Forget Her?

Yeah, man. You don't need this. Pepper sprayed by some jealous dude? What does that tell you? She's probably messing around with him. You don't need it. You sound like a decent guy. You should go find someone better.

[Dating Coach]

I agree with the above. But I also suspect her of being a strong manipulator, which means she's not likely done dealing her hand in getting you back into the fold. What I mean by that is that she will likely try once more to get you back to wanting her, and if she can't then she will likely turn cold or mean. That's a pretty common response for girls like this.

[Wakingdream]

I was with a very similiar girl a few months back.

 

She too was essentially homeless, history of abuse and lots of other things, crazy ex's (that spent time in prision), drug use, ect...ect...the list of baggage was long. I also have been accused of being too 'nice'.

 

Things eventually culminated to a dramatic end of sorts.

 

After about a month of NC, she initated contact, first with texts and eventually calls. I'd lightly respond to her texts and would answer her calls. Nothing relevant discussed, light chatter. Using me more or less as a crutch and/or not wanting to completely write me off because I'm literally the one stable, normal, person in her life (I'm not perfect but I'm the polar opposite of her usual group).

 

To this day I won't hear from her for a few weeks then she'll send me a random text or call just to say 'hi'. She ALWAYS initiates contact. Just yesterday, after not hearing from her for over 2 weeks she sends me some crazy explicit sexual joke. I didn't respond back.

 

I KNOW she'll text me to wish me a Merry Xmas as she did on Thanksgiving than disappear...probably until New Year's...and then again until who knows when.

 

I was at a point where I wanted to tell her to never contact me again...but I'm just not that invested anymore (if that makes sense). I feel sorry for her now and pity her more than anything. Her life is crap...she's told me she's living with some guy in an 'unsafe' part of town that has a tattoo on his face (

 

I realized I saw her for more of what she could be, not what she currently was. At her core, she is a good person but I grew impatient waiting for the good I saw in her to show up on a more frequent basis. I had to get away from it.

 

I'd distance yourself from her and take control of the situation from your perspective. Ideally, I think complete NC would be the way to go (despite my unwillingness to do it).

[ernurse75]

Forget what I said before. Ditch her. She will use you at her convenience and she doesn't know how not to... is my guess. Stability feels damn good.

[kryptik0]

ernurse: That's a beautifully written, precise reply. Couldn't help appreciate it.

[rs.dallaire]

I'm not going to tell you what to do or what not to do but please BE VERY CAREFUL. Such women are experts at being EXACTLY who you want them to be. Their instability also means they might have a sudden change of heart ANYTIME.

 

If you wish to carry on, then please do so but I would recommend that you protect your heart at all costs.

[wiser]

RUN.

 

Run fast, and run far. Do it now.

 

Or it will be the worse mistake you ever make. Unequivically.

[ghost69]

you got pepper sprayed? wth. get a drama-free girl. it will take you forever to find one, cause they don't exist. but one with less drama.