Was doing better.......till I did something stupid

[Beginningandend]

Well I was doing better..........now I wonder if I just pushed myself back a few steps by a single act of stupidity.

 

I had not looked nor even made an attempt to look at my ex's myspace page since early August. I figured the less I knew the better. Courtesy of her breaking NC a few months ago I figured some things out easily enough on my own. Yesterday, for reasons I can't even figure out I decided to look at her page

 

A very, VERY stupid idea on my part.

 

I don't even know what possessed me to do it, but I decided to look and see if she had changed anything on her page. She did: Her main picture........of her sitting on his lap with both of them smiling. I also checked her main page to find out she had changed her status from married(which we still are, if only by a piece of paper) to in a relationship. I already knew this, but to see it written down there threw me into a rather unhealthy state. I also had found out that she went to her best friends wedding in Colorado(which we were supposed to go to) and he went as well.

 

The kicker about that means that she deceived me AGAIN!!! When she did contact me in Oct. she went on about how the past few months have been hectic and financially tough: Couldn't have been that financially straining if you can afford a flight for 2 to Colorado. I know it's her best friend and all but if things were financially tight I'm sure her friend would have been saddened but sympathetic that she couldn't make it. I just can't believe how much I was taken advantage of in so many ways without my knowledge, and the fact that I have been discarded like a used tissue sickens and angers me. I have to start over, I'm alone, I am financially strained largely due in part of her(not all her fault, I got wrapped up in it too, but she played a heavy hand in it). She returns to OUR house with him in tow as her boyfriend(another lie) and can't be doing all that bad financially to be doing what she's doing.

 

WHERE IS THE JUSTICE HERE?!?!?

 

If there is a hell, I want to go there. All the pain and torture would be well worth it to watch the both of them burn. I hate them both. I hate them for what they have done to me. The person I was is gone, and this angry and spiteful person who wants nothing more than to see them suffer is all that's here anymore. They destroyed my life, and they destroyed the things that were most important to me. Any hardships, any bad times, any suffering they experience no matter how cruel will receive no sympathy from me.

 

I don't want to hurt anymore. Whatever sins I have made in the past I feel I have more than paid for them. When is it going to be my time for happiness? I just want to be happy again............

[blindreepr]

you know. just before reading this i was tempted to check my ex's blog and myspace. glad i read this when i did.

[ShuShu Fontana]

Time is a dirty bastard. It takes time to get through things like this. and now you know: don't ever look at her profile again. Use this anger to remind yourself. Block her profile so you can't look at it. Everyone slips up. It happens. All the things you stated are just more reasons why you shouldn't be with her. Don't concern yourself with what she may or may not have or how she may or may not be doing. It doesn't matter anymore. She doesn't matter. Focus on you and do right by you. You'll get through this, friend.

[Wakingdream]

It's trite but focus on yourself, improve yourself and time will help you heal.

 

There are many, many awesome women on this planet...it's just the search that is a bit tiresome.

 

I'm coming off an extremely cold break from a girl that used me and when I think about it it depresses me to no end...I simply can't comprehend how someone could treat another person in such a way...but I digress...focus on yourself.

 

Go NC.

 

Go NC.

[lovemeorleaveme00]

I feel your pain...you will be..because its a choice to be happy..be strong!

[beebee]

i have almost done the same thing darling... its right at my fingertips... google his name, family, work, etc etc and find out all the info i want... what stops me?... i tell myself "hes happy"... i tell myself "hes doing great!"... i tell myself "him and his g/f are perfect together and having a wonderful life"...

 

thats when i stop... i dont really need to see that... i dont need any more info to hurt me... the past hurts were enough thanks...

 

youve just had a setback darling... thats all it was... the hurt wont last as much this time as it did when you initially broke up... it passes more easily this time... just learn from this... the more you know, the more it hurts... anyway, all that crap on those online sites are just that... crap... do you actually think that someone is going to put "im so sad that i want to kill myself" so that everyone can see?... dont think so... its all a lie anyway...

 

now on to a question i have for you... is this new dude (dud) living in your home with her?...

 

hugs... beebee

[Beginningandend]

Yes he is living there. The part that I am having trouble shaking is how quickly and easily I was just discarded. She was my wife, she took vows and broke them so easily. Meanwhile I was tossed like a used q-tip. I know that this hasn't only happened to me, and that's the point. It just seems like we live in a society where everything including relationships are disposable.

 

So is that it? Is that what relationships are now? Is being in a relationship like buying a computer? You have your use for a time, maybe several years but then another model comes along that interests them and before long you are out on the street. If that's what it has come down to anymore, count me out. I'd rather be lonely than have to do this again.

[need2bme]

I know that this hasn't only happened to me, and that's the point. It just seems like we live in a society where everything including relationships are disposable.

 

I thought about this too brother. In fact, I sometimes find myself looking at it as if, he doesn't deserve my ex, if she goes back. Then I think, wait a tic, I was there for her all the time. I showed her what a real man is supposed to be, hell, what a real person is supposed to be.

 

Sure, we all get upset or hurt and really say the wrong things, but, our ex's left us. They weren't even strong enough to work it out. Hell, mine wasn't even strong enough to tell me to my face.

 

Just know that all of this hurt, means that you can love deeply.

 

I will admit though, that your thought I quoted above, is exactly what gets me down sometimes.

[bear12]

well, yes, perhaps some people take relationships (marriages, even) less seriously than others, but in a way you can (maybe convince yourself) that there's a bright lining in that cloud somewhere.

 

i mean, if she tossed you away that easily, she could just as easily do it to the new guy, right? and if she doesn't? then what? he's the lucky winner? no. it just means that he lucked out and she didn't find anyone better to run off with. and is that really what anyone wants to be? the one that just happened to be there at the right time?

 

this is obviously simplifying things a lot, and i don't know the whole story, but i think as much as you loved this girl, you really do deserve to be with someone who means it when she says "for better or for worse" and is willing to stick it through the rough times because you're the one she really wants for the long haul. some people just aren't cut out that way, i guess. and for those of us that are, well, we shouldn't waste our time with someone who doesn't see it that way.

 

you WILL find her. it might really suck in the meantime and you'll miss your ex like crazy- and maybe you always will to a certain extent. but, really, you'll miss the "idea" of her- b/c someone who could so easily do this wasn't the person you really wanted anyway, was it?

[grashamm]

I've been on both sides of the coin. When I was younger I was taught to treat women with respect, I got NO dates

 

Then I got older and treated them poorly and got lots of dates and broke a lot of hearts.

 

I got older some more and treated one I cared about with respect. She left me high and dry.

 

Am I the only one seeing a trend here?

[Tezza]

I know how you feel, I checked my ex's facebook before I went on here, I regret that...

 

It was enough that my friends saw him the other day (I hadn't heard anything about him for months and was doing great), my curiosity got the better of me.

 

He is living in the same place that we lived together with the woman he cheated on me with.

 

Urgh, I hope karma gets him back good. Seriously...