Help With My G/F - Her Boss and Her X/H

[dalhend]

I am in a dilemma and it is killing me everyday. About 9 months ago I brought my daughter to her friends house to spend the night, and while I was there I met her friends Mother, I'll call her Debi. Debi and I hit it off right away and began dating, we fell in love fairly quickly and decided to get married in the future and have a new home built. I truly believed in her and what all she told me. So I sold my home and went to work fixing up hers. We signed a contract to have a huge home built on 5 acres. I got into an apartment for the short term, and contiinued to work on her home (added a bedroom, remodelled the kitchen, added new exterior doors etc..). I have treated Debi like Queen, I am a very loving, caring and compassionate hard working man. I give her money when she needs it, I pay for nearly everything, I treat her childrn like my own etc... Well, heres the scoop, the CEO of the company Debi works for her is obsessed with her and buys her expensive gifts all the time, wnat sexual favors in return (he is married). An example: Debi loves the Denver Broncos and thinks John Elway was the greatest, last week he hired an x-football player so that he could get her an invitation to see Elway. He also bought her an autographed Elway jersey, he puts 500.00 a month into an account for her daughters college... etc! He HATES me with a passion and ran me off from the office the other day. Now the X, Debi's X beat here, dragged her up the stairs by her hair with a gun to her head and her daughter hanging onto her legs. He kicked the shit out of the daughter with steel toe boots until she was nearly unconscious, he regularly locked her 5 year old son in the trunk of the car while Debi was running errands so he could watch TV. YES he finally went to jail. 2 years later Debi decides to let him back into the kids life. Sh told me that she hates him, and that she never ever loved him, but was forced to marry him, because she was scared of what he would do to her if she didn't.

 

Now 9 months into the relationship, Debi is seeing the X 6 days a week, due to kids activities, and spend all day Sunday with him as a family.

 

Debis recently had to have surgery on her breasts, I paid 8,700.00 for the surgery.

 

Lately when I go to her house and the X is there I have to leave the room and get occupied somewhere else, otherwise he gets extremely upset and she tells me she feels sorry for him. I am HURT, HURT, HURT!!!! I do not know what to do. I love her and have treated her the way that all women say they want to be treated. I have 100,000.00 job and coach youth sports on the side, I am a Christian man and want to be the provider for her and the kids forever, but her home is very icy and I do not skate well, I feel the ice melting and I am falling through... The Boss's name is Tom and the X's name Jerry. The cartoon characters have me boxed into a corner and I do not know what to do. Please help! I am afraid she is in love with the X and is going to dump me anytime now...

 

Desparate in Virginia

[faeriechyld]

Hello there,

 

I understand you met and fell in love with the mother of your daughter's friend. I also understand she has quite a few other men in her life who are threatening her relationship with you.

 

I suggest you sit down and consider this: you're giving her money for surgery, her boss is giving her money and expensive gifts, and her ex is helping her with the kids now. Have you considered the fact that she really isn't after a marriage, but more just to see what she can get from all of these men?

 

I realize that it may seem important to her to have the ex husband in her children's lives, but I would excercise caution with that and getting back into any relationship with him, were I her, because even after 2 years, violent tendencies could be there.

 

Seems to me you have already considered the idea of her breaking it off with you. Perhaps you need to sit down and talk to her about all these feelings you are having ALONE. No children, no friends, and most definitely no other men. Just the two of you. It may be that she doesn't know how you feel, or perhaps she's just too caught up in all this other attention to notice. You need to tell her that you want her to be the only one for you.

 

If this continues even after you talk to her, I suggest you let her go. There's just no point in trying to win someone over if they are not willing to devote time back to you. It's difficult and I realize that, but I think this is just going to hurt you more emotionally, physically and financially.

 

I wish you luck