i hate myself

[fivespot]

I can't believe this is happening AGAIN!

 

I was doing fine for a whole month with NC. Then she (the dumper) texts me and says how much she misses me, blah blah blah. She eventually calls up crying after a series of texts telling me how much she regretted everything she did to me, she can't stop thinking about me...whatever.

 

But the conversation goes nowhere and nothing is accomplished. It was a complete waste of my time. This was about two weeks ago. Since then, we've been on extremely LC...we spoke all of about 4 minutes over the past two weeks.

 

Here's where I hate myself. I was doing fine! But since that first conversation, she's been on my mind 24/7. I'm afraid she's going to drive me to the looney bin! So today I finally call her up and ask her what that original "miss me" crap was and she started acting like she didn't know what I was talking about. "I didn't say that."

 

THE MESSAGE IS STILL ON MY PHONE YOU ****ING IDIOT!

 

I'm in a pretty fragile state to begin with...what's the matter with her??? I'm doing my best to heal from this trauma and she won't let me. I want to move on so badly--this girl is a hell spawn, but I've got no one to move on to. This has been the worst year of my life and the fact that it's the holidays and I'm supposed to be cheery isn't helping.

[circi]

In a nutshell, She had a weak moment.

I'm the dumpee in my situation but have been VERY good about not discussing feelings and telling him we both need to move on.

Yesterday morning I had a weak moment and told him I missed us. By last night I was feeling stronger again and was back to ignoring or giving 1 word answers to his messages.

 

Go back to NC and try to remember that this girl was so callous that she didn't have the decency to even acknowledge what she did.

[Madman22]

Okay, so shes playing games with your mind......take heed to this..

 

SHE WILL NEVER ADMIT, YOU WILL NEVER GET AN EXPLANATION..SHE IS NOT LOGICAL..

 

So your logic needs to take over even if your heart tells you otherwise.

 

CUT ALL CONNECTION. This girl does NOT want you to be happy without her and that is a selfish act. You do NOT need someone to "move onto" all you need is to get her out of your life so you can heal and recover and get back to being the person you were without her, except maybe a little bit wiser.

 

Look at what you said "I'm afraid she's going to drive me to the looney bin!"

 

Look after yourself!! Dont let ANYONE no MATTER WHO THE HELL THEY SAY THEY ARE, drive you crazy!! You are the most important person in your world and it is important you stay healthy mentally for YOU of all people. there is nothing WORSE than panic attacks and irrational thinking (trust me) and that comes as a result of not looking after yourself and putting yourself under too much stress.

 

Do YOU a favour and disconnect. You dont need this..especially at Christmas.

[jdubs]

I'm sorry you are going through this...

 

What it came down to for me, after all of her mixed messages and b.s. and all of the limbo and pain and ughhh......

 

To me, it was like I had Gangrene of the leg... I could either let it rot and hope it would get better... in vain. Or... face the facts and CUT IT OFF!

 

Luckily, this is the 21st Century and medicine has come quite a long way... but, I think you know what I mean...

 

I think you know what you need to do... NC.

[circi]

To me, it was like I had Gangrene of the leg... I could either let it rot and hope it would get better... in vain. Or... face the facts and CUT IT OFF!

 

I love this analogy, thanks.

[fivespot]

Thanks everybody...

 

NC--I KNOW that's what I need to do. And that's why I feel so horrible about myself, because I was doing quite well with NC and I fell for her games AGAIN. This isn't the first time this has happened and so I'm really disappointed in myself.

 

It's so hard to keep doing NC when she won't leave me alone.

 

And don't tell me to change my number because I've done that already last spring. And through our mutual friends, she got a hold of it. And guess what? "I miss you, I'm sorry for what I did to you, I can't stop thinking about you."

 

The same exact s*** as this time. I'm so angry at myself for allowing this to happen!

[hpsowce]

It's a basic human need to feel wanted. It's probably encoded in our genes somewhere but I'm not clever enough to know where! It's a confidence boost, it makes the hard times in life a bit easier to swallow because no matter how badly life treats you, you always know there's someone out there that wants you, that needs you. As soon as they hit upon one of those bumpy moments, when the new single life doesn't seem quite so perfect then what do they instinctively crave? the reassurance of being wanted.

 

The conversation went nowhere because subconsciously she knows that she doesn't want it to go anywhere, thereforeeee by you actually partaking in the conversion you are doing nothing but stroking her already over-inflated ego, then when she feels all better she dusts you off and gets on with that great single life she wanted in the first place. Do yourself a real favour, don't even get involved, if she texts you tell her to stop, tell her you are busy and haven't got time to talk, change you number, emigrate, go to the moon... do anything except be her faithful self-esteem booster for that one night.

 

I know it's hard, as someone who's been there and come through it and gone back into it again, I know it's a terrible, awful, train-wreck of a time. You don't need her permission to heal, she doesn't want you to heal, why would she? why would she want you to stop loving her as long as she doesn't have to love you back?? It's not about her, it's about you, make it happen.

[nikkers04]

It sucks when they wont leave you alone when all you want to do is move on since you can't be with them. IGNORE HER she will get the hint. When I started no contact with my ex it bugged the crap out of him not getting why I wouldn't respond to his hello texts. I just didn't do it. Then it turned into if you HATE ME THAT BAD YOU COULD JUST TELL ME THAT!!! anything to get a responce. you start to feel good that for once you are driving them crazy instead of the other way around. JUST STOP responding trust me it works and helps

[Jeffrey2095]

Yeah, whether intentional or otherwise she is poison to you.

 

I think I would reduce the LC too because it leaves it open to games like this.

 

Jeff

[-BK-]

I'm in a pretty fragile state to begin with...what's the matter with her??? I'm doing my best to heal from this trauma and she won't let me. I want to move on so badly--this girl is a hell spawn, but I've got no one to move on to. This has been the worst year of my life and the fact that it's the holidays and I'm supposed to be cheery isn't helping.

 

I'm going to say this in the nicest way possible. "She won't let me" is a victim's stance. As tough as it may be, you need to be strong here. You need to tell her that you don't want her to contact you. If she does, ignore it. She'll get the hint. So far you've let her contact you and you've let her play with your emotions. Don't let her. The healing still won't be easy, but it will be much easier without her sending mixed messages. The person you need to move on to is yourself. We're all spending a lot of time (and a crappy time of the year) on our own. Make sure that time is spent making yourself better...

[jettison]

Ex's tend to have selective memory and employ revisionist history, even when the history in question is days or weeks old. I don't know how they manage to do this with a straight face, but I'm pretty sure that there must be some kind of seminar out there which dumpers know about that teach them this skill for free. Otherwise, there's no way to explain why they all seem to be so good at it.

 

So, if you ever find yourself saying something like, "But what about the time you said..." be prepared for disappointment. They've taken the classes, studied the text book, and they're seemingly unflapable.

 

I just got a drunk-on-half-a-bottle-of-wine dial from my ex-ex telling me that she cried all night recently to a friend and told her friend "I miss my ex." Granted, she could just say "I miss you" although that's way too flippin' easy and straightforward. Still, I'm not about to bring her words up and risk getting schooled with her mad ex-GF ninja skills.

 

"These are not the droids you're looking for. That was never said to you."

[hpsowce]

Heh, that's not just funny because it's true, it's actually funny AND true!! Kudos!

[strawberryoctober]

I'm going to say this in the nicest way possible. "She won't let me" is a victim's stance. As tough as it may be, you need to be strong here. QUOTE]

Well said!! I could not phrase this correctly so I didnt respond. It really is difficult to do, no doubt. There are very few things in life that we have control over and fortunately, this is one of them. Go NC. It is so hard but will pay off. Focus on surrounding people who truly value you, your feelings and those who deserve to have you in their life. She only has the power you give her.

[Wakingdream]

I empathize.

 

I was NC for an entire month leading up to Thanksgiving when my ex sent me a 'what's up stranger'? text.

 

I lightly responded...and from there we went LC for a couple weeks.

 

I wish I had never responded initially.

 

During that LC she's gone as far as telling me about her problems with her new guy...ugh.

 

I'm not going to tell her to stop contacting me, I'm not going to tell her anything...she's out of my existence.

 

I'll never respond to anything from her again, save yourself the trouble and just don't respond. You'll thank yourself in the long run.

[beebee]

lol... what a riot fivespot!... the EXACT same thing happened to me except i didnt have it in writing... its what he said to me on the phone...

 

i have never heard of this happening to anyone else before now... i actually thought i was loosing my mind!...

 

the conversation was, and i quote "I MISS YOU!... i have been thinking of you so much lately!... i have never met anyone like you before in my life!... (yes, include all of the exclamation points because thats the way he said all of this... lol)... "you are sooooooooo unique... i regret what i did to you because you didnt deserve it... and your soooooooo soooooooooooo beautiful"...

 

ok... so you had to see me while he was saying this to me... i was driving to work and i called him (silly me) for a specific reason... he starts on this spiel and im staring at the phone with my mouth open... lol... like, am i talking to the right man?... this is the man that said i was lazy and didnt rollerblade and all that other crap he told me?... ok... enough of that... lol... the point im getting at is he later denied he said it to me!... !!!!... he told me he NEVER said that... that he must have altzheimers disease because he cant remember ever saying that...

 

dude!... im not going crazy here!... or am i?...

 

hugs... beebee