love4life Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 I read an article recently telling women that while dating multiple men (NOT sleeping with them, mind you) in an effort to find a keeper, we should inform these guys that we're dating others. The argument for doing so is that by providing this information, it will drive these guys to impress us and "beat out" the competition. Guys, how would you feel if you'd just started dating a girl and she told you that there were other guys she was seeing? If you were into her, would it drive you to try harder? Or turn you off? Girls, have you tried this? Link to comment
Orlander Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 Finding true love isnt about a competition. I wouldnt tell a woman I was dating anyone else, but if she broached the subject I would not lie. If I found out a woman was dating someone else casually I wouldn't worry about it nor would I alter my dating tactics. I have confidence in the person that I am. I have faith in if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. Link to comment
MushroomGod Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 Well I wouldn't like it, but since I do it myself that would make me a hypocrite. I wouldn't tell him but like Olander said if it was brought up I would say something about it. It was funny because I was thinking about this today if a girl I was seeing would want to know that I was seeing other ppl at the same time. So what do the ladies think about this too? Link to comment
love4life Posted December 18, 2007 Author Share Posted December 18, 2007 MushroomGod, If a guy I was really into told me this, honestly, it would make me very nervous and I'd probably pull away because, if I didn't, I'd probably start to push and get insecure and clingy. I'd let him come to me. Link to comment
buckdawg Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 MushroomGod, If a guy I was really into told me this, honestly, it would make me very nervous and I'd probably pull away because, if I didn't, I'd probably start to push and get insecure and clingy. I'd let him come to me. ^^^^ that's probably what i would do too Link to comment
beauty21 Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 I think that is anybody. When you are dating someone and they mention they are dating someone else, it's natural to want that person more. I wouldn't tell though because I wouldn't want anyone to feel uncomfortable or make me uncomfortable. Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 I haven't done this. Usually I am worried it may drive a guy away and make him think I am enjoying his company and doing the exact same thing with other guys so "he isn't that special". I haven't ever done the date multiple men at one time thing. I think it's cool when women can do that. But personally I myself wouldn't be to keen if a guy did it while dating me either (dating other girls even though he isn't sleeping with them). And I wouldn't work any harder to "gain his interest". Like what you said: MushroomGod, If a guy I was really into told me this, honestly, it would make me very nervous and I'd probably pull away because, if I didn't, I'd probably start to push and get insecure and clingy. I'd let him come to me. Link to comment
rootcause43 Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 If she volunteered the information out of the blue without any reason, then I would be turned off. To me it would seem as if she was trying to make it known that she was a 'hot' commodity. Blah. If I ask her if she is seeing other people then I would appreciate an honest answer. If she said she was, then that would be fine with me. If I'm pursuing a good catch then I assume others are as well Link to comment
love4life Posted December 18, 2007 Author Share Posted December 18, 2007 If she volunteered the information out of the blue without any reason, then I would be turned off. To me it would seem as if she was trying to make it known that she was a 'hot' commodity. Blah. If I ask her if she is seeing other people then I would appreciate an honest answer. If she said she was, then that would be fine with me. If I'm pursuing a good catch then I assume others are as well Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Link to comment
DropToZero Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 Yeah I gotta agree with what was said above, I would never volunteer that information out, and if a girl told me she was seeing others.... I wouldn't fight harder to win her over, if she's seeing others, I'll keep casually dating her til she a.)tries to push for something more or b.) gets herself into a relationship with another guy. I've never seen anything good come out of telling someone you're dating about the others you're seeing except jealousy and drama. But if they FIND OUT, I'm not going to lie. Link to comment
Luke Skywalker Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 I dont think it's necessary for me to know, and if they say something like that, I wouldn't really care about improving any performance because I wont see it as a competition, but rather, when I'm spending time with her, then she's in my sandbox or space-craft (to get sci-fi techy) and within those boundaries that is all that matters. I do not care about other sandboxes or space-crafts, just my own. If it works out within my parameters, then that's great, if it doesn't, then someone else will occupy the space-craft. Link to comment
Gath Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 I read an article recently telling women that while dating multiple men (NOT sleeping with them, mind you) in an effort to find a keeper, we should inform these guys that we're dating others. The argument for doing so is that by providing this information, it will drive these guys to impress us and "beat out" the competition. Guys, how would you feel if you'd just started dating a girl and she told you that there were other guys she was seeing? If you were into her, would it drive you to try harder? Or turn you off? Girls, have you tried this? i'm a competitive guy. if a gal i was dating was seeing other guys too, i'd just acknowledge the fact and make sure she realized that i was the naturally best choice. heh, i'm modest too, eh? Link to comment
bigthings46 Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 If I was seeing a girl who was dating other dudes I would pull back and indeed be turned off. I know people do it but I can't see putting my time into more that one person at a time. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 I read an article recently telling women that while dating multiple men (NOT sleeping with them, mind you) in an effort to find a keeper, we should inform these guys that we're dating others. The argument for doing so is that by providing this information, it will drive these guys to impress us and "beat out" the competition. Guys, how would you feel if you'd just started dating a girl and she told you that there were other guys she was seeing? If you were into her, would it drive you to try harder? Or turn you off? Girls, have you tried this? a lot of what you post is about some article you read. how much is your own experience? that is what i think you need more of. i've never really dated a girl that was dating more guys. least i never knew. once we were exclusive none of it mattered. Link to comment
love4life Posted December 18, 2007 Author Share Posted December 18, 2007 a lot of what you post is about some article you read. how much is your own experience? that is what i think you need more of. I, personally, wouldn't volunteer this information and never have in my dating experiences, unless the guy has asked. I'm just curious to know what others think of this and if anyone's done it. As for posts about articles I've read, I enjoy analytical discussions and, since I found eNA, I like to use it as a sounding board to find out what others' opinions are on these matters that jump out to me. Isn't that the point of eNA? Link to comment
ghost69 Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 I, personally, wouldn't volunteer this information and never have in my dating experiences, unless the guy has asked. I'm just curious to know what others think of this and if anyone's done it. As for posts about articles I've read, I enjoy analytical discussions and, since I found eNA, I like to use it as a sounding board to find out what others' opinions are on these matters that jump out to me. Isn't that the point of eNA? yeah, but i'd rather help out with your struggles in life and not proving/validating or disproving some article. that's all. but yeah, i wouldn't tell someone i was seeing others unless they asked. but usually if ever, i've said 'nothing serious.' cause, well, if it was, i wouldn't be on a date with her, right? Link to comment
love4life Posted December 18, 2007 Author Share Posted December 18, 2007 yeah, but i'd rather help out with your struggles in life and not proving/validating or disproving some article. that's all. but yeah, i wouldn't tell someone i was seeing others unless they asked. but usually if ever, i've said 'nothing serious.' cause, well, if it was, i wouldn't be on a date with her, right? Yeah, exactly. And usually, I can only focus on one at a time once I get past, say, 2 or 3 dates. Generally, if I'm going on a 3rd date, I'm interested in pursuing something (and being pursued), so I don't want any distractions. Alright, for future reference, I'll send you a PM to warn you about any "article" postings... ;-) Link to comment
NewPhillyGuy Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 I'm pretty much a one girl guy. I like to focus on getting to know one person at a time. If it doesn't work, I move on to the next girl. After a few dates, I have made the decision as to whether I would like to pursue something. I have been in situations where I was seeing more than one person. I did not volunteer this information. However, if I was asked, I would be truthful about it. Personally, if a girl told me she was seeing someone else out of the blue, I would probably put less effort into it. I don't like feeling that I am being compared with someone else. I don't see any reason for me to know that, and if we are exclusive, that should not even come up, of course. However...as we know....not many people have that grace. Recently, I was seeing a girl who asked me to be exclusive. Within a few weeks though, she was already seeing someone else and was not forthcoming about it. I had to find out the hard way. I don't feel like I should have to be out there to prove that I am better than the other guy. I don't know him or what he's about. I don't really care either. That's senseless. Either the girl likes me and is willing to take the time to get to know me or she isn't. If there's an understanding that we are not exclusive, she can do whatever she wants. It's none of my business. Just don't agree to be exclusive to get my full attention, and THEN go scoping out other dudes. Link to comment
boo121 Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 I read an article recently telling women that while dating multiple men (NOT sleeping with them, mind you) in an effort to find a keeper, we should inform these guys that we're dating others. The argument for doing so is that by providing this information, it will drive these guys to impress us and "beat out" the competition. Guys, how would you feel if you'd just started dating a girl and she told you that there were other guys she was seeing? If you were into her, would it drive you to try harder? Or turn you off? Girls, have you tried this? Id say "oh congratulations you finally made some friends! keep up the nice behaviour, maybe more people will like you!" - blown out Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 She would instantly become a SafePlay Girl if she told me that Link to comment
servedcold Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 It should definitely be disclosed after a few dates IMO, no need until after 2-3 or so. If he's smart, he will be keeping his options open as well, and should tell you that. There's probably a very diplomatic way to say this, just too tired to think of it atm. I've run accross a few "serial daters" online, attractive women who milk men for freebies. These types usually have a deadbeat boyfriend/boytoy in the picture. Ugh. If you are sleeping with anyone, you should disclose it as "dating others" very early on, maybe even the first date. No need to go into detail, but something should be said as opposed to letting the guy continue to take you out thinking you are really available when you aren't. Link to comment
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