Dad going to Prison

[delusion79]

ok, I know I need to talk with someone, I just feel like I'm losing my mind. Yesterday i found out that my dad is going to go to prison for atleast 5 years. I feel completely lost...my grandma just died a week ago and now this. i am so worried about my mom. She doesn't know what she's going to do, and it's just horrible to see how she is handeling this situation. My father has always been the "man of the house" and the decision maker. I'm am just completely stressed beyond belief.

 

I am the only one who lives by my parents, my brother and sister both live far away. so it's like I am taking the weight of my mom on top of myself and i can only handle so much and I feel like i am going to break.

 

We found out my dad was in trouble about a year ago. At the time I was also in a bad relationship, and then this happned i started taking anti-anxiety/depression medicine. They have seemed to help significantly.

 

He has had house arrest for the past year now and we've kind of gotten used to him being around. We went through this same thing when this all surfaced the first time. So now it's like the wound has been ripped back open and is even worse than it was before.

 

Now I keep getting negative thoughts about doing things to myself, even though I know I would never want to do anything like that to myself ever! Sometimes it just feels like those thoughts are going to take over and do something. I just really feel out of control..it feels like my world is crashing down on me.

[Jeffrey2095]

Hi delusion79,

 

Let me first say I am sorry to hear your circumstances, sometimes life deals us a lousy hand, it sounds like you have gotten a few lately, I am sorry.

 

But, if there is anything to be gleaned from hard knocks or any concilation, it is how we play those cards...

 

The bad things like my own father's death etc. at least gave me strength for other challenges I faced later on like being homeless for years.

 

Some people have it made in this world, everything comes easy to them...

 

Well, it just great until a serious problem comes up and they are too weak to deal with it and just cave in.

 

Jeff

[Hope75]

Hi There,

 

I am sorry about your grandmother and about your father going to prison.

 

What did he do?

 

I think the best thing you and your mom can do for each other is to be supportive and to help each other through this tough time.

[Snoopy24]

My dad went to prison for 4 years from when I was 19-22. For something he didn't do.

 

It was hard. The time actually went by fast.

 

You can visit him, write him a lot.

 

make sure you are there for your mom. And before you know it, he will be out.

 

It sounds easier said than done..but he will be out in 5 years or less if he is good. And when he gets out treasure the time you spend with him.

[alcide]

Oh im sorry to hear that, but hold on dont be discourage after all ur family still needs you. Your father will soon be out to start over again better be done early or to live with fears wondering when.

 

Being in prison days ends so face beside they count it morning and night so he'll not spend all the time but half. I know how it feels.

 

DON'T GIVE UP BY STRONG ESPECIALLY TO KEEP YOUR MOM IN OTHER.

[ernurse75]

Hey.. we have been dealing with my brother in and out of prison for years. It has been hell on his kids and my family especially my mom who is the only one who always goes to visit. The visits are a little hard but worth it. In the meantime, you take some special time each week just for you to get away from it all. Make a hobby, take a hike, something that doesn't involve you as the "parent". I have been "parenting" my parents and some siblings and my husband and kids too and it will leave you drained and drugged out on prozac and sedatives. You might even end up with drug and alcohol addiction to self medicate.

 

Stay as positive as you can with your mom. Cook dinners together and plan a day for the zoo or a movie night. Do real stuff together that makes you talk and look at each other. Take walks sometimes. Get a pet? Hey... this whole experience can bring you all closer together and let you reanalyze life for what it's worth.

 

We are only going around once. Make the most of it and hug your mama!

[purplebtrfli16]

Im going thru a similar situation, my mother went to prison for seven years when i was 13 and i was absolutely heartbroken and thought of suicide but i always talked myself out of it but dont give up and let those bad thoughts win its been four years now and she has 3 left but i can honestly tel you that this will make you so much stronger good luck to u

[nutbrownhare]

My father went to prison for 2 years when I was ten years old; it seemed like a lifetime at that age - and that was for something he didn't do. There were seven kids and I'm the eldest, and I was very quickly given responsibilities for stuff I was far too young to handle. One of my brothers has spent most of his adult life in prison and that, too, has had a devastating effect on his family.

 

My first concern is for YOU. You need to look after yourself first and foremost, before you can do anything for your mum. It's still very early days and you are both still reeling from the shock of a double bereavement, in effect. It's perfectly natural to to feel that your world is crashing down on you. For now, don't try to make any life-changing decisions. Is your mum able to cover everyday things like bills, for now, so that at least her life situation won't get any worse in the short term?

 

Deal with the minimum practical things as soon as you can, or support her to do that - and then let yourself grieve, really grieve, feel the horror of everything you're going through ... and let it go. It WILL get better, the same as it does after any bereavement. Your dad will be back; he's not dead and you can keep in touch with him. It's unlikely your mum will be able to offer you any support at the moment, so make sure you get that by whatever means from other sources - including online ones. Are there support groups in your country for the families of prisoners? There may be, and it's worth checking this out.

 

Don't try too hard to 'be strong' if that means stuffing your emotions and pretending to your mother that you can replace him. Your mother is still in shock, but as things settle down she may well realise that she has far more internal resources which she has never been able to use because your father took care of everything; many widows experience something similar. And at least he's still alive and will be coming back.

[nutbrownhare]

It might be worth checking this out: link removed

 

 

(((HUGE HUGS))) and good luck!