I Want To Be With Him But I Cant Take His Selfishness

[mintzhg]

my now ex and i broke up yesterday, we are currently living in the same house and i want to be with him but i cant take the fact that he likes porn and that everytime he has money all he worries is about him he'll gamble it or he'll drink it and im left to pick up the bills and him. i know he's a jerk at times but at times he can also be sweet, i just wish he would be thoughtful, but because it's too hard for him as i asked him to take me out at least once every two weeks as at times he treats himself to a night out so many more times than me. but he dumped me because he says it's too much for me to ask. i guess my point is, should i move on or try to persuade him into just trying it for a couple of weeks?

[Mysterygirl]

I guess the bigger question is are you willing to accept him for who he is ... a porn watching, booze drinking, gambler who obviously only cares about himself? Is that really the type of boyfriend you envisioned yourself being with?

 

Be a strong woman and don't put up with that.

If you had a daughter would you like it if she was dating someone like him?

 

Sometimes you need to take yourself out of the situation and try to look at it from the outside looking in ... you might see it more clearer. What you will see is something very unhealthy.

[Jeffrey2095]

Once every two weeks...

 

I think I'd find someone who had a little more appreciation for me.

 

Jeff

[AutumnBorn]

Mintz, there are only two reasons to ask him to reconsider:

 

1. You were willing to lay on the floor so he could physically walk all over you, too.

 

2. You want to grow to hate yourself for allowing someone to treat you so badly.

 

 

Get on with your life without him. Nobody deserves to be taken for granted like you have been. You'll be happier in the long run.

 

Your signature reads "Love should be Everything or not at all". Are you getting everything?

[bustertypsy]

I'd say move on.Do you love him? If no,then get away from this user,waster,good for nothing porn watching alcoholic.He can be sweet,so can my next door neighbours Rotweiller,but.........

 

Seriously,he sounds like bad,bad news.He has nothing positive to offer you.Could you depend on him in a time of crisis?

 

If for some unknown reason you do want to be with him,don't chase him.You will only be endorsing everything he does.You will need to ignore him.Let him come to you.When/if he does,then you may have some bargaining chips.

I wish you luck,if you go back to him you will need it

[eric_]

i agree with the others. move on. i was in a similar situation. i tried for such a long time to change her, make her more thoughtful and so selfish. i put up with it for such a long time, because i loved her so much and thought that maybe one day she would be less selfish and also think of me.

 

now where i'm in nc with my ex, i realize that it's impossible. you can't push people to be less selfish, you can't push them to change. they have to realize by themself that they have to change.. and you obviously don't know when that is going to happen, if it will ever happen.

[mintzhg]

update:

my ex started to be all nice and everything so i thought maybe things have resolved, so stupid me i bought him stuff because he had no money. onc ehe gets drunk the truth came out. he said he never wanted to be with me but felt forced into being with me. he said i forced him to love me. can you force someone to love you??? i dnt think so, but maybe im wrong. he said i had done nothing but force him into all this stuations adn that i needed help because i obviously had mental scars that needed to be mended and that he never ever wanted to be with me in the first place and that everything he has done like say i love you, proposed, bought me things, took care of me after our baby died (less than a month ago, which was extremely unexpected for me, but he liked the idea of being a dad while i freaked out), moved in with me about 1 yr and 9 months ago, and everyhting he had ever done with me and for me was because i pressured him into and forced him. so he said he didnt love me because he wanted but because i forced him. ..anyway he went on adn on about what a failure i am etc etc. then the following day being yesterday he was all nice, cooked me lunch, gave me massage, cooked dinner and other things and i said to him i didnt want any of that especially i didnt want him to do it out of pity or because he felt forced into doing it or having to do it. he said he did it because he wanted to.

he's taking me out tonight (his idea), so what am i supposed to do? and can you force someone into falling in love with you?

[Narcissist]

Sounds like a self-centred * * * * * to me. I dated one like that. NOT fun.

 

If someone likes you, they don't treat you like garbage and they don't spend all their money on booze and gambling.

 

My last ex was a self-absorbed idiot and any suggestion I gave was interpreted as criticism.

 

I wrote a book to basically deal with it...

 

narcissism.ca

[k8s]

move on! Just imagine youself in a relationship with someone else - I bet you imagine it being better filled with romance passion etc . Is he selfish in bed - whats the best the answer is yes! Sounds like he has intimacy issues and needs to be in control all the time - I dated someone similar I miss him but I am so happy I got out. He wasnt there for me when I had problems rather he challenged them or me over them rather than putting his arm around me like most good men would do. If you lost a baby a man should be nothing less than your rock . I am sure he wanted to cook for you as he feels bad and knows he does care for you but I bet when he starts to feel close to you he will do the reverse and push you away again because he doent want to feel it. He probably does feel love for you but does not know how to love properly. Above poster is correct he needs to want to change and he would tell you if he knew and wanted to do something about it. Find a man who knows how to love you properly.