If it meant reincarnating into a better body...?

[Unhumble]

...well, depending on your personal beliefs obviously.

 

But for a moment let's assume that reincarnation was possible...

 

Since 6 and a half months, I'm suffering from constantly deteriorating chronic pain due to spinal disc problems in my neck and nape area. I feel pretty abandoned by the world since the health care system in the country I live in is very, very ambiguous about my issue; actually I have a lot of evidence to have the impression that I might be a victim of medical malpractice in diagnosis (I could have been healed if they had told me earlier, if I hadn't been chased from the hospital, etc.).

I am a very social and extroverted person and every time I'm at social situations I try overcoming my pain through self-humor, joking about my condition with everyone. But in these six months the jokes have started becoming monotonous. I start seeing myself in a cynical way, about the way I try to simply forget the pain, etc.

I can't focus my mind on anything else which somehow actually damages my relationship with others (since the pain is almost everything I'm able to talk about or think about, apart from my duties obviously...).

From what I've been researching about my condition, I may never be able to do some of the things that I enjoyed doing and was even striving to do at a higher level: dancing (choreographic/hip hop) and martial arts. From what I can predict, I can't even run anymore since that would press the discs together... no sports at all actually.

And I'm only 21; I talk to my friends everyday as if "tomorrow is apocalypse", I speak to them as if I'm 80 years old and about to die; in fact I don't know what else I will be able to do in this life...

I'm unable to learn new things, I'm unable to do even the things I used to be good at. Everything that is left for me to do is just finish university and maybe fulfill my duties on planet Earth by getting a job and then dying away...

I don't even know whether I'll be able to finish university because I hardly follow the lectures now since I can't stay seated and read books as it causes pain to my whole neck and chest and head area.

I don't even know whether I'll be able to have a wife, have children, or even date... I took it with ease; but in all these 6 months I didn't have any relationship with the opposite sex. The pain is turning me into a sociopath.

Everything I do seems like a joke to just try to forget the pain, but the pain is always there; no it keeps getting worse and as it gets worse it's turning me into a monster: I even contemplated killing or at least violently castrating the doctors who were responsible for my condition...

Moreover nobody seems to believe me or understand that I'm feeling bad due to the pain; my parents call me a useless piece of junk to society since I basically got this problem by doing a wrong stretching position.

For these 6 months I resisted everything with humor, but I have the impression that I'm resisting only because somewhere deep inside I'm hoping that everything will end one day; but I'm coming to realize that it isn't going to end but get worse and worse and worse.

And really, I feel that summing all this up together I'm already dead since the day I did that stretching posture.

I mean, I can't dance or do martial arts anymore, I can't carry a book properly, I can't hold the door open or help old people cross the street (instead, they will have to help me very soon lol)

I feel that I lived my first 21 years of life very well; I'm satisfied with them despite many ups and [very low] downs.

But this is pain, a torture, in the spine, in the arms, the fingers, all kinds of pains, the head, down the shoulders, spasms reaching everywhere, the chin, the jaw, everything, everywhere.

Every morning I wake up with pain.

Every night I wake up with pain.

 

I had a happy life and this is kind of my punishment, or the price I have to pay for all the nice things that I had.

I used to dance very well. I need to dance again.

I need to move every single muscle of my body again, at least once more, and feel my entire body.

I can't.

 

I need a new body. This is a piece of rotten junk.

How long will I resist anyway? If 6 months passed with this kind of pain I really don't know...

 

What monster will I become?

Is it right for me to just relax and allow myself to transform into a monster?

 

Aahh... perhaps I need a girlfriend.

But I won't be even able to carry her -_-

[rocio]

If you commit suicide you're reincarnated as a goldfish. Do you really want to swim in circles for an entire lifetime?

[Spugly Fuglet]

Life is a game of poker where you play the card you delt.

 

I have seen the good looking, rich and well fold hands that make mine look like stink, but even when I was being pushed I held on and Bluffed my way throw when I had Sqot. Its not about the cards your holding its about traying in the game, and that is all life really is the grate game.

 

But remember of the billons of human who never even got a chance of life you got that one card, the LIFE card no matter how bad it is its a ace.

 

Stand when other fall away, never fold, never bend, if not for your self but for others like you who need you to be a light in there darkness.

 

Thats what I have done, when I start falling in to the pit I hold fast and stand.

 

Others meny others I know have missed such joys becouse they folded and did not see the red moons, the Snow field, the smile on there childs face, the hand on the darkness needing help.

 

When you fold lifes hand there is no more game only and end, just for the hell of it why not play on.

 

I have and my life is full of joy and wonder

[Unhumble]

If you commit suicide you're reincarnated as a goldfish. Do you really want to swim in circles for an entire lifetime?

 

At least it won't be painful I guess...

[Unhumble]

I've been to 5 different specialists and they all kept telling me - for almost 6 months - that nothing was wrong. That's what I meant with medical negligence.

It was the last (sixth) specialist who admitted that I did have something - from the beginning; and he said that it was clearly visible and that the other doctors probably underestimated it and were unreliable...

[JadedStar]

Have you ever spoken to a pain management specialist? I dont' recommend drugs often but if you are in this kind of pain you should be on a regimen of pain meds that gives you at least some quality of life.

 

Forgive me if you mentioned this already, i kind of skimmed thru some of your orig post due to length and my ADD.

[Unhumble]

As I said I can really resist the pain, from an entirely perceptive point of view.

But the things I can't do anymore... that's what makes me angry, depressed, and whatever, and all that really intensifies the pain.

And I'm sometimes afraid that it gets worse at a physiological level; and I mean, the pain does get worse, is spreading accross the body, etc. so... that's my main concern.

Not the pain itself.

[Spugly Fuglet]

My dad is very much like your self he has a broken back hes in pain so bad he gets black out and the pain killers he takes are killing, but its that or the pain. A few years back he talked about ending it but now he has made a life with pain. It hard he can not move much and hes 69 now. I dont know what hes feeling I get a bad back now and then but in truth his pain is 1000 what I get. I dont know how my dad takes it but he dos, I have a Child this year a boy so he has a grand child that has his name, that most of all I think made his life.

 

All I can say is I know some one with pain 27/7 and life gos on

[Unhumble]

I can resist the pain. But I can't tolerate the fact that whatever is happening to me is getting worse. What I'm saying is it's not just a pain that's constantly there, it gets worse everyday, it gets worse everyday,it gets worse everyday, it gets worse everyday, it gets worse everyday, it gets worse everyday, it gets worse everyday, and nobody seems to want to stop whatever is the underlying cause of it. There is something that makes it get worse.

It's something MECHANIC happening back there.

I feel passive and unable to do anything. I can't do anything.

I'm lost.

I can't go on anymore.

[Spugly Fuglet]

But there is a going on, there is more to be had in life, why do you need to do any thing life happons it just dos, day and night, tides there all going on.

Some time a sit and just look at the wonder of it all, a patten dos fine yet we have a change to be in it, life even for a moment is worth the pain.

 

 

From The Morning

 

 

A day once dawned

And it was beautiful

A day once dawned from the ground

Then the night she fell

And the air was beautiful

The night she fell all around

 

So look see the days

The endless coloured ways

And go play the game that you learnt

From the morning

 

And now we rise

And we are everywhere

And now we rise from the ground

And see she flies

And she is everywhere

See she flies all around

 

So look see the sights

The endless summer nights

And go play the game that you learnt

 

From the morning

[Kraegorn]

Hello Unhumble,

 

I'm sorry to hear that you have more problems in your life, other than the physical pain you endure. Speaking of reincarnation, let's take the possibility that it does exist, have you ever wondered why you received this incarnation? And perhaps you ended this life at the moment to reincarnate into the next life, what guarantee that your next life will be better than the current one?

 

Answer is, it won't be better, cause if you do end this one, you would have more unfinished business added to the next life. You see, the soul is looking to perfect itself from lifetime to lifetime. What i mean by perfection isn't in the sense where you don't make mistakes. Perfect in this sense, would mean completeness of the self. What are you lacking? and what do you have too much excess of?

 

Think of the future, think of other people that suffer the same condition you do, and think of studying your own condition and making a break through in advancements in science. Think of the possibilities.