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Going limp...HELP


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Alright, so, I am 20 year old guy, i think i have found the perfect girl. I couldn't ask for a better chick. Anyways, we've known eachother for a little over a year and we've been dating for the past couple of months. We started having a physical relationship about two months ago. Everything is great....until i go to put it in. I'll be hard as ever while shes giving me a hand job or whatever, but then when i go to insert it, i lose my erection. I don't know what it could be... She will be my first, i am sure that has something to do with it. Another thing, before she wants me to put it in, all she'll do is give me a handjob, she is not a fan of blowjobs...at all.

You guys got any tips or advice.

I love this girl, we're both very sexual and both very into eachother. I just cant seem to make it happen though.

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Hi Butters, and welcome to ENA,


A lot of guys get this, almost 50%...


What it is much of the time, is anxiety.


You are worried you won't be able to maintain or perform... this makes you go a bit limp, which gives you even more anxiety.


Like you say it's your first time, and it's probably the thrill of "doing the deed".


What you need to do, is strike a balance in your mind between concentrating on what you are doing, and thinking about something else, so you won't get too excited either.


Sound plausable?



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I'd say at this point you have nothing to worry about. I had the same exact issue and I think it just had something to do with it being first time anxiety. Haven't had a problem since with her or any other girl I've been with since.


I think it is all a mental thing. Communicate with your partner and stop putting focus on it...I think that is making it worse. After the first few times...nature will take over and I doubt you'll have any problems at all.

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I am about 99% sure it's anxiety and nerves.

I just have no clue about how to overcome this. I've done other stuff, with other girls, but didn't have sex with them because i knew it wouldn't work out in the long run. The reason i want to have sex with this girl is because i love her, and i could see myself spending the rest of my life with her. I think that is why it makes me so nervous, because I actually care what happens with her. She's told me she doesn't care and that it doesn't bother her, but i know it does.

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Extended foreplay is often the answer.


Take an hour or so just rubbing her etc.


Eventually you will get over this anxiety... and you'll be fine.




Thats another thing, I'll finger her, play with her * * * 's and she'll jerk me off and kiss me and * * * * for a good 45 minutes to an hour before i try and put it in.

Whatever, i guess i'll just keep trying until it finally happens.

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Everyone already said what the problem is. I usually have the problem with any new girl, can't get it up the first night lol.


If you're anythign like me, foreplay is fun and all, and maybe you even have an erection for 15 mins, but most guys need some friction to keep it up for extended periods of time.


OK ok, one suggestion is if you've gone limp right at the wrong moment, just talk dirty a little bit and grab your self, and rub up and down between her lips, the ones down there. That always gets me right back up again.

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Speaking from personal experience on this one.


I never had a problem with "performance anxiety" until I got back out into the dating world after 18 years of marriage. With one notable exception. I was never good with condoms. Every time I tried to put one on, that was the end of it. Lucky for me, other forms of birth control as well as some really good luck, were available to me over all of these years.


Only one unwanted pregnancy, with my first...and that was back when I was 16, but thats a story for another time.


Anyway, with all 3 women I have been with in the past year, it's been exactly as you described. And once it happens, its a vicious cycle. You think about it, you expect it to happen, and you are your own worst enemy.


In all 3 cases, the women were completely understanding, and only laughed at me hysterically a few times. Actually they never laughed at all. They were compassionate, they brushed it off, they satisfied me any other way that I was able to be satisfied, and eventually my anxieties faded and it was right back to business as usual.


I have the fortune of being with mature, experienced women in their mid 40s. You may not be so fortunate. Rest assured, if you try not to obsess about it, and just relax and enjoy yourself, it WILL turn around.

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Here's what I'd do. Go to the doctor and tell him your issue. Ask him for a sample pack of one of the main erection drugs, believe me it won't be the first time he's heard this so no need to be embarrassed. They usually come in three packs. After using one pill, I imagine the problem will go away of its own. Don't tell your GF you are doing this. An alternate would be if you have an older married guy friend you can trust, ask him for a couple of pills for your first time.


I've done this myself when I have a doc appointment around the time I'm starting with a new girl and want to make sure the first time goes off without a hitch. No need to worry about making a good first impression in the bedroom (which will become more important to you later, especially when drinking) these days with effective, mostly safe pills.


Now, if you find after a couple of times that you still have this problem, you need to see a urologist and determine if there are underlying issues. But believe me this is not likely, 99% chance it's first time jitters. Best wishes.

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