Should I just break it off?

[Jamielove21]

So i've posted before - Im a walking problem I think.

 

I've been seeing a guy for about a month. He asked that we go exclusive, which, since I wasn't seeing anyone else, I agreed to. He has an 8 year old child that I haven't met, and don't plan on meeting anytime soon. The reason I mention her is that he and I are limited when we can see each other. She goes to her mom's every other weekend, and usually that doesn't go well.

 

Last weekend the daughter went to her mom's and he and I had made plans to get out of town and take a drive. Before we even meet up - Mother calls him to come pick the kid up. He has no idea why, and can't get back in touch with her. So he drives an hour and a half away to find out daughter threw a fit. By the time he gets to my house he isn't in a good mood. He hangs out for maybe 1/2 hour and then leaves. Saying he wants to get some stuff done. He sends me a text later that says he's sorry, but still doesn't initiate us seeing each other. He texts me the remainder of the night with just chit chat.

 

Following that I made him talk to me for 10 minutes on the phone. I explained that I didn't like what happened. He stated that he just wants some time to be by himself sometimes (understandable, we all need alone time.) I asked him if he was satisfied with the limited communication and limited time we see each other. He stated yes. That once I meet his daughter (probably soon, and I will be his "friend" not "girlfriend) it will be easier because we won't have to sneak around.

 

He hardly ever wants to talk on the phone, but will send text messages all night. I can understand this while the daughter is awake, but whats the deal once she's in bed?? He says that it isn't that he doesn't like to talk on the phone, it just depends on "how he feels." I don't know what that means.

 

Now we are at the holidays. Never an easy time. He says he wants an X-Box 360. They are really expensive, and I tell him no, I can't afford it (plus, we've only been dating a month!!!!!) But he keeps hinting at it. And I keep telling him "no." So then he decides he wants a PSP (some portable game thingy). Also not exactly cheap, but I tell him I can do that(I do okay at my job, etc.). Today he changes his mind and says he doesn't want that. Ok, fine. He hints AGAIN at the X-Box and I tell him AGAIN "no." I am beginning to wonder if he's just with me for the presents.

 

Whew, with all that being said, when we are together, we get along great. We have the same thoughts on alot of other subjects, and we do laugh alot, etc. We like to do the same things, and I can really open up to him (usually). We talk like friends, but there is a nice chemistry there as well.

 

Part of me wants to just cut ties and let it go, but part of me thinks im just being my paranoid, insecure self. At the beginning he was really into me, texting me and initiating contact, but that has since dropped off quite a bit. Another reason im debating. Im fairly sure he isn't seeing anyone else - but who can ever be really sure? I don't want to bring this up because some of it has already been discussed, and somewhat resolved....but at the same time, its irritating me.

 

Thoughts?

[yellow_sweater]

My thought is to listen to your instinct.

 

I think it's inappropriate to ask for an XBox after dating someone a month.

 

I do understand that he doesn't like to talk on the phone--neither do I. I'd much rather exchange long, thoughtful emails and/or letters, or just see the person "in person." I find phone conversations usually devolve into useless chitchat about what I had for dinner, what I did during the day, etc. Stuff that's not important to me, in other words.

 

Still, you wrote six paragraphs about why this guy makes you uncomfortable, and one short paragraph where you state his positive qualities (none of which relate to him, and all of which relate to how you two get along). What is he like as a person? Would you be proud to call yourself his girlfriend?

 

YS

[Aurian]

Maybe you`re just not compatible. He says he is happy with the quality and quantity of your time together, and didn`t seem too eager to fix any issues with his daughter (he has to cancel his plans because his kid threw a fit? Why couldn`t the mother handle a simple fit???). You on the other hand, would prefer more time and attention from someone you are serious about.

 

I know I would be unhappy with the attention there.

 

Also, he sounds a bit immature. All that whining and begging for an X-Box after a month of dating? That would be inappropriate if you were dating for years - that is more like a spoiled child begging for a toy from "Santa!" An adult understands that hinting is okay, begging and demanding an expensive gift is not.

 

I get the feeling you are unhappy with this guy but doubting yourself. Go with your gut.

[RayKay]

I agree with Aurian, it sounds to me you are incompatible in many ways. I can understand not meeting child for a long time, and I TOTALLY understand time alone (I am a proponent of that!), but he just seems to be really "careless" in many respects about making time with you if he wants a relationship.

 

And um...yeah...IMMATURE......who the hell whines for ANYTHING they want for Christmas - whether you have been together a week or 25 years.

 

Even as a CHILD I would not do that (and never did). He is an adult, if he wants a freaking X-Box HE CAN BUY ONE HIMSELF! Quite immature to ask your partner (whom you have been dating a month mind you) to buy one because you won't yourself.

 

It's one thing to put in a hint and then drop it..another to insist and beg and act like a petulant child.

 

Lame.

 

 

To be quite honest, he sounds like he is happier with a relationship that 13-yr olds might have - texting one another and seeing each other at lunch at school or something...LOL.

[RayKay]

Whew, with all that being said, when we are together, we get along great. We have the same thoughts on alot of other subjects, and we do laugh alot, etc. We like to do the same things, and I can really open up to him (usually). We talk like friends, but there is a nice chemistry there as well.

 

I wanted to add you can find the above with someone whom also is more compatible, not as whiny as a child and more respectful of your needs and time too.

 

You have only been with the guy a month, and you are just seeing the beginning of it......and with this many issues already it won't get better. You are still in the honeymoon stage, imagine what it will be like after that!

[keenan]

I agree with all of the above. You're not being paranoid or insecure. At best, this guy wants things only his way and is satisfied with having less "relationship" in the relationship than you are. At worst he sounds emotionally unavailable and immature.

 

The X-Box thing is just weird, and a big "CAUTION" flag. Who in the world does that??

[ghost69]

he probably wants to use you for what he can. i wouldn't ask any girl for anything after 4 months of dating. maybe a couple drinks on my b-day. that be it.