should guys be persistent?

[surf85]

hi,

 

i have always battled with this question. whenever i like a girl, i am not persistent at all. for example, if i ask a girl out for dinner or something, and she says she is busy, and do not arrange for another time, i usually back off and will not ask her out anymore.

 

i always thought that a girl might find me annoying if i persist. because when a girl likes me, and i am not interested, i find the girl even more unattractive if she persists.

 

i am in a similar situation again. i like this girl. i met her through a friend when we played volleyball together a few months ago. i havent contacted her since because i was busy with exams and stuff. a week ago, i sent her a message on facebook, she replied within a day, and i was so so happy. i replied to her message, wrote quite a bit, about summer and all, (which she asked in her message), and ended the message , asking her if we could catch up when i return to australia in feb next year. also left my msn in the message and ask for her's.

 

its been a week, and she hasnt replied. i am pretty sure she has checked her facebook, because there are updates of her changing her profile.

 

so the question is, should i send her another message on facebook? should i be more persistent? or should i just relax and wait? and if she doesnt reply, should i just forget about it?

 

i have been thinking about her the whole week... its so draining.

[rocio]

no they should not. and stop thinking about her. you're wasting brain cells.

[Haven]

You could send a quick, short message. Something casual. Don't make it seem like you're waiting for her to respond to your last message.

 

Also, from experience, people don't respond to long messages online, especially over Facebook. It's one of the easiest ways to get someone to *not* reply to you.

[Batya33]

I agree re facebook. One of my friends on a similar site did not reply for a week or more despite being on line. Then she did, apologizing for being so busy. Sometimes people check their profiles without checking e-mail or without having time to respond.

 

If you want to ask out a woman, ask her out by phone or in person. Following up can be by e-mail.

[ilovepoemsalot]

Don't persist. If you do you'll either come accross as annoying and/or creepy.

 

Even if a girl was interested but she was busy, she'd most likely say, 'I'm busy, but we could go out some other time'.

[servedcold]

Persistence works once attraction is established. There's a point after a couple-three dates when you can tell that a woman is really digging you. At this point, some persistence is powerful stuff if not overdone.

 

As far as using persistence to build initial attraction, it almost never works. More the stuff of movies than reality.

[Alex Kidd]

Don't persist. If you do you'll either come accross as annoying and/or creepy.

 

Even if a girl was interested but she was busy, she'd most likely say, 'I'm busy, but we could go out some other time'.

 

Agreed, when asking a girl out always look for the "alternative day suggestion". If you ask her out and she says that she is 'busy', without suggesting an alternative time, its game over. Will save you alot of time and hassle...

[Orlander]

Some women enjoy being pursued, but the vast majority probably do not. Not saying the woman you contacted surf85 wasnt attracted to you, but would you really want a woman you werent really interested in pursuing you? If you had a woman pursuing you that you were interested in, would you hesitate or wait a week to reply? even if you were busy?

 

She could be interested and just busy, but do you really want someone who isnt interested in getting to know someone new or interested in pursuing something?

 

Send her one more email asking her a specific question, something she would respond to instead of a casual "Hi, hope you are doing well" email. If she doesnt respond within a couple of days, just forget about her. Oh, but dont forget this is the holidays...everyone is busy (or so we all claim).

[psu11]

from a girls point of view, if i really liked a guy that asked me out on a day i was really busy, i usually follow up with other times suggestions, for instance i'd say something like..."well im really busy on tuesday but would you like to get together on thursday or something"

 

if i didnt want to go out...i would tell him i was busy as leave it at that.

[CaptainPlanet]

I find it is best to continue to the point that I am flat out rejected 3 times.

 

Girls will obviously tell you not to do it but thats just because they don't like guys hitting on them for some reason.

[love4life]

I'm VERY bad about getting back to people on myspace (and on eNA). I'm usually doing one thing but thinking about what I have to go do next, so I don't respond as soon as I get a message. I wouldn't take it personally, if I were you.

[Alex Kidd]

I would take it personally. Once you're in a relationship you realise that no one is ever that busy, even your gf (from a guy’s perspective) can find time to respond to her friends. So I would be giving up the chase if I was a week without response. Girls who are interested don't act this way unless they are into silly games. I like blunt women, who offer no BS. You like me, you like me. If you don't, tell me and 'I'll step over the body' and move on.

 

Don't send her another message. Looks kinda needy. You should be putting your own self on the pedestal, not this chick. If she has any decency she will respond. Otherwise write her off as you would for a fully impaired asset in accountancy speak.

 

I'd take it on the chin and move on. Don't waste your time chasing girls that don't want to be caught (by you). Focus on ones that do. This will save you ALOT of time and heartbreak. In my experience there is no BS in the early stages if someone is genuinely interested.

 

 

Peace.

[Dating Coach]

hi,

 

i have always battled with this question. whenever i like a girl, i am not persistent at all. for example, if i ask a girl out for dinner or something, and she says she is busy, and do not arrange for another time, i usually back off and will not ask her out anymore.

 

i always thought that a girl might find me annoying if i persist. because when a girl likes me, and i am not interested, i find the girl even more unattractive if she persists.

 

That's too broad of a question. Yes a guy should be persistent. persistent in setting up a date, persistent of moving the relationship along (not emotionally-that can be overbearing), etc. HOWEVER... you should also know how to recognize that she isn't interested, and be able to walk away.

 

i am in a similar situation again. i like this girl. i met her through a friend when we played volleyball together a few months ago. i havent contacted her since because i was busy with exams and stuff. a week ago, i sent her a message on facebook, she replied within a day, and i was so so happy. i replied to her message, wrote quite a bit, about summer and all, (which she asked in her message), and ended the message , asking her if we could catch up when i return to australia in feb next year. also left my msn in the message and ask for her's.

 

its been a week, and she hasnt replied. i am pretty sure she has checked her facebook, because there are updates of her changing her profile.

 

so the question is, should i send her another message on facebook? should i be more persistent? or should i just relax and wait? and if she doesnt reply, should i just forget about it?

 

i have been thinking about her the whole week... its so draining.

 

Did you even ask her out specifically, or did you message to chat?

[ghost69]

from a girls point of view, if i really liked a guy that asked me out on a day i was really busy, i usually follow up with other times suggestions, for instance i'd say something like..."well im really busy on tuesday but would you like to get together on thursday or something"

 

if i didnt want to go out...i would tell him i was busy as leave it at that.

 

this happens if the woman is interested. if you asked her and she said she is busy and that was pretty much her response, you should move on immediately.