I can't believe I just did this

[brahman]

I left her. I tried saying that "we should hold off on the wedding and wait until more than 2 weeks can go by for us to feel good about being with each other." she wouldn't accept that, and she told me that if I was going to leave her I should just do so because I am just hurting her by doing this and the more we talked the more I felt like I never really was happy.

Since the first time we were together I have felt this way. I have hated her for so many things. I never even forgave her for the first thing she ever did wrong to me. I know I have problems, and I tried to tell her we should wait until the holidays were over until we really thought about this, because everything is all hectic right now. We spent two hours talking about what we want in a relationship, and she told me that I gave her everything she needs, but how is that so. for 2 hours she begged me not to leave her and I did anyways, oh my god I am such terrible horrible person.

[brahman]

Im confused, you have felt hate towards since you first started to be a couple and you asked her to marry you? If you don't feel nothing but love, trust, and gartitude for your partner why would you want to be with them or marry them for that matter?

 

 

I didn't quite hate her, I just never forgave her. We had sex after a couple of weeks and I told her no so many times before that. I felt like I was less of a person after. But I'm a guy and I am supposed to like that stuff or something. and as for marriage, she told me she would leave me if I didn't propose. at the time I thought we were growing closer.

[JonnyG]

Im totally lost :S.

 

You hated her and didnt forgive her properly for having sex with you when you were saying "no"? She force you? Or you held off sex for a while because you werent ready and she was pressurizing you and that made you resent her?

 

You have hated her for many other reasons to and you were thinking of marrying still?

 

You need to elaborate because right now this really isnt making any sense mate.

[lilypadgirl]

I just skimmed over your previous posts.

 

Sorry to be the mean one here, but it sounds like you've been preparing/wanting to break up with her for some time now. Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but it sounds like your 2 weeks was either a way to wait until after the holidays to break up with her or something to get her to break up with you.

 

It sounds like you never really loved her passionately and just strung her along all this time if you can't even get over the first mistakes of a relationship. How many times have we started a relationship and something the other person did rubbed us the wrong way because they didn't know us well enough yet to be aware of our sensitivities and issues? Sex sounds like it's probably a pretty big issue for you and if you really couldn't forgive her then that's fine. But how can a relationship and marriage grow based on that? Would you still be resenting her for that years down the line when you have kids?

 

No I don't think you're a terrible person, but maybe a tad bit selfish and unfair (to both yourself and her) for staying in the relationship for so long when you have such resentments and were JUST comfortable. So this is probably for the best.

 

Take care.

[rootcause43]

brahman,

 

1) you're a good guy for breaking it off. this is the truth. this is the most noble thing you could have done at this point.

 

2) you're a bad guy for being passive aggressive and going along with what she wanted and not listening to your inner self. You're a bad guy for making her push you to break up with her.

 

I was once in your shoes and did almost the same thing to a beautiful young lady back in my early 20's. I never felt that 'click' with her but she was beautiful (did I mention that already and knew what she wanted out of life. But it wasn't there for me. I never officially proposed to her. More or less we went to the store and I bought her a ring because she really pushed for it though she knew I had reservations (funny thing though - she returned the ring without me knowing it - crediting my card - and went to another store and bought a bigger ring on her own card..... but that is another story). I was weak and wasn't adult enough to be honest with her or myself about my feelings.

 

I broke up with her the day we were going to send the invites out. She was married and had a baby (both) within 18 months of the breakup. So it ended ok for her.

 

The point is you know you need to work on some issues so do that. Your ex. will be fine and will soon understand that although she says you gave her what she needs - in reality you didn't and never could have.

 

Good luck.

[brahman]

what ever, I came here for support. I guess I got everyones honest opinion though. thanks for so little.

[brahman]

Strike that, I'm just pissed off. What you said is true, it was terribly mean of me to wait this long to hurt her like this.

[enchiladaman]

I broke up with her the day we were going to send the invites out. She was married and had a baby (both) within 18 months of the breakup. So it ended ok for her.

 

This might or might not be true. There are some women out there that reach a time in their life where they think they should get married. So they find someone that meets their minimum requirements and then try to control and mold them into what it is they really want. This of course doesn't work.

 

Perhaps she got really lucky and met her soul mate, but there is an even greater chance that she rushed into something just to satisfy her need for stability and a marriage. Unfortunately, this behavior often leads to choosing an incompatible mate that you don't know well enough. So I would question whether or not it "ended ok for her."

 

Sorry to detract from this thread but wanted to throw that out there.