He all of a sudden doesn't want to go to this Dr because his ex wife goes. Strange.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

This deals with his issues concerning his ex wife who apparently devastated him when she left him and moved in with another man.

 

Well, we are having a baby in January and of course, we faced the typical question of which pediatrician we would see. There is a good local one right here in town and he was very much for going to see her when the question was first posed, because a) she's local and we don't have to drive the half hour to another county, and b) his mother, who has temporary custody of his daughter, takes his daughter there so we know she's good. He also used to take his daughter there himself, so he knows the doctor and knows that she's a good one. She's a favorite of everyone in this town. I myself have met her a time or two, on doctor's visits with my neice and nephew and was very impressed with her.

 

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, when we were riding with his mother and sister to take his daughter to the doctor's office, for she was sick. Well, his ex wife happened to be there, with her new son. They were divorced earlier this year. He didn't even go in the office and wanted to rush, rush rush to other appointments instead while they went ahead with the appointment. (If they can be mature about it, why can't he?)

 

Fast forward again to a couple of days ago, when all of a sudden out of the blue, he says he doesn't want to go to that particular doctor when our son is born. He cited his reason, that being that the doctor had been stopped drunk driving before. News to me, for one. Secondly, he's known of this but had no problems with it when he first suggested we use her? And has no problem with his daughter going there? Whatever she does in her personal life, I feel she is human, had too much to drink one night, and did a stupid thing. Hey, it happens. It's just funny that he all of a sudden doesn't want to go there after he discovered his ex wife (who he has a lot of issues with that he needs to deal with like the fact that she 'broke his heart' according to his mom) goes there.

 

I have never heard of this drunk driving incident btw, and his mom swears by this doctor. He tried to say, 'well I told mom I didn't want my daughter going there but she refused to listen.' Oh puhlease, I know he didn't say anything of the kind because up until we saw his ex there, he was all gung ho about going to this doctor.

 

I said to him, so what if we happen to see her there once in awhile? Is it really that painful? I mean really. Just ignore the girl. Be adult. Nothing's going to happen. He of course denied that she was the issue, but he freaked out similarily earlier this year when his mom threw a huge birthday bash for his daughter and invited the ex wife. The whole time he couldn't refrain from talking trash about her every second (obsessive) and keeping away from the crowd (and basically stayed away from his own child) just because she was there.

 

What's the deal?

[Momene]

I agree that his behaviour may seem irritating and even childish to you BUT I divorced in similarly acrimonious circumstances to him many years ago. For a very long time, I could think of nothing better than wanting to turn the clock back to when things were "good" between us. Even after I remarried, I still harboured some hatred for her for how she treated me.

 

It was more than 15 years before I could see how she might have felt. I now realise that only by her being unfaithful was I ever going to let her go and she knew that.

 

I don't know what the "solution" is but no amount of nagging or pressure by you can make him feel comfortable around her. Similarly, he can't let his fear of his ex rule his life with you.

 

My advice is that you need to have an honest chat, possibly with a bit of hot air and try to come to an understanding.

[JadedStar]

I think that is a good thing that he'd rather not bump into his ex wife there. Most women would be very glad of that and would be more upset if their husband INSISTED on the same doctor the ex goes too.