Attraction needed?

[EmilyE]

So I just got out of a LTR a few months ago, and my ex has already moved on and is "in love" (ARG!!).....so I am not sure if I am in a place that I am ready for a new relationship or not, but is it wrong to go for Mr. Right Now instead of waiting for Mr. Right?

 

So there is this guy who I have been friends with for over 2 years, and all along he has had a crush on my but I was in another relationship. Now that I am broken up, he has been a good support for me, and I even spent the whole last weekend with him and I had a blast. He definitly wants more than friendship, but is giving me my space because of my breakup.

 

So this guy and I really click, he is super nice, doesnt like to play games (like my ex did!), truly cares for me, and most importantly he makes me laugh. But the only problem is that I feel no "spark" or physical attraction to him.

 

Is this a problem? Do you all think I should give it a chance anyway to see if the attraction evolves, or do you think attraction is key for the success of a relationship?

 

Thanks in advance!

[melrich]

But the only problem is that I feel no "spark" or physical attraction to him.

 

Are you bisexual?

 

Either way, it sounds like you are looking for someone to "replace" what you have lost. You were in quite a long relationship that broke up, what? a month or so ago.

 

My experience, it took me a year and a half after my last relationship broke down before I felt ready or could do justice to seeing someone again. Only you will know for sure but I would have thought too soon and it's not going to help if there is no "spark".

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Don't do it if you don't feel a spark. It sounds to me like you are only considering it because your ex is supposedly in love. Well, you don't really know if he is actually in love or if he is only saying that....or maybe he just needs a warm body and this woman was convenient. Don't base your decision on the fact that your ex is now seeing someone. You have to do what feels right for you.

[kevinm]

Physical attraction is important, but not everything. Whether attraction develops is yet to be seen. From your post it does seem like you are looking for Mr Right Now. I think if you are friends with this guy then you need to continue to be friends with him, and if the physical attraction develops then you guys could get involved. Again it's not everything, but a little something has to be there. Get to know him on a deeper level and that attraction may indeed develop.

 

-Kevin

[keenan]

Physical attraction is important, but not everything. Whether attraction develops is yet to be seen. From your post it does seem like you are looking for Mr Right Now. I think if you are friends with this guy then you need to continue to be friends with him, and if the physical attraction develops then you guys could get involved. Again it's not everything, but a little something has to be there. Get to know him on a deeper level and that attraction may indeed develop.

 

-Kevin

 

I agree. Attraction can definitely develop over time. Don't try to force it just because you're eager for a relationship and this guy is fun and nice, but do be open to the possibility of a spark developing over time.

[EmilyE]

Thanks you guys...and yes, I am bisexual (lol I think)....I have always been interested in guys, but this last relationship was with a woman...long story but it just happened and it developed to be true love.

 

I believe that love is love, it doesnt matter what the other person is. You fall in love with the person, their personality, etc., and if it so happens to be of the same sex, oh well.

 

But anyway, yeah I feel like it may be "unfair" to the other guy if I jumped into this new relationship, but he is pursuiting quite a bit, but he is just not crossing any lines bcuz he knows i need time. But if i told him i wanted more, he would be all for it im sure.

 

I agree with you Melrich...i think if there was a spark it would give me a much bigger reason to let it happen and see the possibility. but because there is no "spark", then I might be doing it for the wrong reasons.

 

I will be COMPLETELY honest, and I just feel like I need someone close to me right now. Yeah, this is just me getting over a relationship, but he is there and willing, and it would be so nice to have someone to cuddle w/ etc.

 

I know it may sound shallow or whatever, but I'm just being honest. I'm sure many of you have at least thought about it as well, even though you know it is wrong. ???

[wiser]

If you don't feel any initial attraction now, its probably not going to happen. Although its not a sure thing. Especially if you are still raw from the breakup. Since you enjoy being with him, then take it day by day. Tell him you make no promises about the future, you are just living for the moment.

 

I'm confused about where this "bisexual" thing comes from. I guess you're a dude? Emily?

[ghost69]

first of all, stop talking with the ex or however you find out about him moving on.

 

with this one, if you don't feel that intial spark, chances are nothing will come out of it.

[grymoire]

But the only problem is that I feel no "spark" or physical attraction to him.

 

You will always see him only as a friend! I can tell that for sure. Please do this guy and yourself a favor and do not pursue a romantic relationship with him.

 

In my opinion you are only trying to fill the gap that arose due to the breakup. And you are choosing your male friend for that purpose. In other words what you are telling is you are considering a relationship with your friend without giving him any benefits (you are not attracted to him and thereforeeee you will not sleep with him).

 

Simply put - you want to use your male friend as a surrogate boyfriend. That is all there is to it. You will enjoy all the benefits while he gets nothing and one fine day you will meet a guy with whom you will feel the spark and you will simply toss away your poor friend and go for the other guy.

 

So this guy and I really click, he is super nice, doesnt like to play games (like my ex did!), truly cares for me, and most importantly he makes me laugh. But the only problem is that I feel no "spark" or physical attraction to him.

 

The fact that you click, he is super nice, won't play games, cares for you, makes you laugh do NOT matter at all. The only thing needed is PHYSICAL ATTRACTION. That is all. If that is there all of the other things are not needed....